inviting non-Jewish friend to shul

Peanut2

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 8:04 am

She can wear a tichel with a turtleneck and maybe bring a scarf too. I'd definitely consult someone in the shul about a hijab, just because people might ask her questions, which may be friendly, mean, just nosy, or whatever, but it could really detract from her role as an observer.

This is a really really common assignment in universities. If your shul is the main Orthodox shul in your area and there is a university nearby then there have probably been other student visitors there before.
Actually, I don't think I've ever attended a shul that has never had non-Jewish visitors at some point.

amother

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 9:42 am

A shul is a place where one expresses his ahavas Hashem. This applies to us being prohibited from kissing our children in shul to people who hold it is unacceptable to be married in a shul. There are so many halachos that people are not aware of like the prohibition of talking inside a shul, etc. etc. Our focus while in shul should be Hashem in the sense that when you are here you make every effort that He is the sole occupant of your mind to the best of your abilities. Obviously for so many of us this is very difficult, and if we cannot achieve it, we can at least not dafka do things that are not this.

My point is, shul is not just a place to do as we please even if we think we are being respectful. There are serious halachos. Among other things, do you not think it would distracting to others and even yourself? I don't think shul is an appropriate place to play show and tell. I think there are other opportunities.

Chocoholic

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 9:55 am

Ruchel wrote:

I don't think all rites forbid kissing their children. It is definitely the tradition of many to get married in a shul.

Don't argue with "amothers", especially when they pasken (assur this, assur that)...

You don't know who they are, where they are coming from, if they have a strong base in halacha, which minhagim they have, suffer BT syndrome, etc

Chocoholic

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 10:07 am

amother wrote:

I apologize. I was under the impression that people here follow gemara. If not maybe the Rema: Rema in Orah Hayyim 98:1 “that a father should not kiss his young children in the synagogue”

We don't exactly follow gemara literally...... Gemara should not be used to pasken, even less so by yourself without consulting a competent Rav.

There are so many things written that today we don't follow.

Ask a competent LOR if you have doubts.

amother

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 10:31 am

I am not a rabbi, nor do I claim to be, and I accept that everyone has to do their own thing and ask their own rabbi, and who am I to pasken? I don't think I am paskening, and that is why I post what I do. I was under the impression that people at least those with ashkenazich decent follow the rema a similar way that people can say that it is assur to each treif. Not that the two are equated, but that the two are pashut. I apologize for being misinformed. I am not sure though why you attack people when they say things that you are unaware of or disagree with, rather than asking for a source if you are interested or ignoring it if you are not.

Op I do not want to hijack your thread, I just want to suggest that maybe you take your friend to a Shabbos Mincha perhaps when many women will not be there and will then be less distracting. It offers davening, laining, and brevity!

Chocoholic

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 10:37 am

amother wrote:

In a post above you assumed we pasken by the gemara which makes me not trust your knowledge.

By saying this and that is assur you ARE paskening... Which is not up to you, not as a woman, as an amother and not on Imamother, as each of us follows our Rav and not neccesarily hold by someone elses Rav.

I'm pure and pure yekkish (re your comment about "Ashkenazich") and find you a bit offensive, either way, at least post under your real SN.

Minchah is totally not the same as shacharit and this woman wants the experience, and either way, a shul is not officially all exclusive for jews only...

Mrs Bissli

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 10:50 am

amother wrote:

I apologize. I was under the impression that people here follow gemara. If not maybe the Rema: Rema in Orah Hayyim 98:1 “that a father should not kiss his young children in the synagogue”

Hmmm, how about the old (actually still done) custom of children coming up to the Rabbi as soon as kabbalat shabbat is over and kiss his hand to wish him shabbat shalom?

chocolate moose

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 10:52 am

Chocoholic wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

I don't think all rites forbid kissing their children. It is definitely the tradition of many to get married in a shul.

It's Ok if I quote you, right ?

Mrs Bissli

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 10:52 am

chocolate moose wrote:

I don't see how she will understand anything from the davening in shul, regardless of her skincolor or mode of dress.

That's why OP should brief her beforehand. And her guest can observe, even if she won't understand davening.

Chocoholic

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 11:49 am

Mrs Bissli wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

I don't see how she will understand anything from the davening in shul, regardless of her skincolor or mode of dress.

That's why OP should brief her beforehand. And her guest can observe, even if she won't understand davening.

I am sure OP will do this, and who knows, this lady might brwose the web and find some visitor FAQs, there are also shuls that put out sheets with visitors' do's & don'ts.

Chocoholic

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 11:52 am

chocolate moose wrote:

Chocoholic wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

I don't think all rites forbid kissing their children. It is definitely the tradition of many to get married in a shul.

It's Ok if I quote you, right ?

Of course.

Chocoholic

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 2:36 pm

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

ok, Im outing myself. Im amother.

Spoke to my rav. he said to let him know a few days beforehand and he will be sure to welcome her personally. Which is a big relief because I thought he would (for political, not halachic reasons) say no.

To make the thing complete, invite her for lunch and enjoy.

louche

Tue, Jan 19 2010, 3:09 pm

I'm sorry, but I think it's wrong, wrong, wrong, no matter who the ladyis, how fine a human being, how respectful or how sincere. A shul is not a sociological exhibit and the worshippers there are not participants in a Tv reality show. To me, inviting such "guests" just to observe out of curiosity or for a class assignment is an invasion of the privacy of the worshippers.

The professor has some nerve giving this kind of assignment, which iat worst places a sort of obligation on the synagogue and at best arrogantly assumes the synagogues will be open to such observation.