Describe your seder, please

Seraph

Sat, Mar 20 2010, 2:48 pm

Growing up, I only ever had the seder at my family's home, so that was all I knew. Then, from when I was sixteen and on, I pretty much spent every seder in another place and saw that every family runs their seder so differently.

First I'll describe to you how the seder was in my family growing up, and then in a future post, will share what I'm planning on doing this year:

Growing up, we had our family and lots of guests (usually non frum immigrants who had no place for the seder). My father would lead the seder, which meant making the brachos for everyone. However, when it came to magid, we'd go around the room and each person would read a paragraph from magid, first in hebrew and then in english. We'd have divrei torah thrown in here and there, but they weren't the bulk of the magid portion. We'd always have some people throwing in corny jokes somewhere (like "al shum ma", my mother would demonstrate the garlic- shum- and someone would invariably translate yosi haglili as rabbi jose the puerto rican.)

The table was set with one keara and one stack of three matzos. We had nice dishes out, but aside for that, the table looked like a regular shabbos table. We would dip our eggs in salt water. Our karpas was potatoes.
The meal was usually chicken soup with matza balls, and potatoes and chicken.

For afikomen, one of us kids would always try to steal the afikoman from our father. We all would get gifts. None of that "I'll only give you back the afikomen if you give me a gift" stuff.
Hallel was partially sung, partially said quietly to ourselves.
And then with the songs, we usually added sound effects to chad gadya and hand motions to echad mi yodeah.

How about you? What happens at your seder?

Rodent

Sat, Mar 20 2010, 9:29 pm

Sometimes we do it sitting around the table. Sometimes we recline on cushions on the floor. I put a big blanket down which becomes the table. I know it seems odd to others but I like the floor because it makes it more different to other days and I think it's good for the kids to really notice why it is different to other days (and hope it will be fun for them as they get a little older). We have carpet so I put plastic under it in case of spills! Table sometimes as that is what everyone else does and it's good for the kids' chinuch as far as what is the 'norm ' in the Jewish world for once they're older and going to other people. One night of each is a good medium of course it could only be either/or in Israel!

My husband reads in Hebrew and translates into English as he goes. He adds a few explanations but nothing that takes long. Not against others contributing but my Hebrew is bad so not worth me contributing and we haven't had guests for seder yet.

So far I've used disposable plates, don't have another set. Regular cutlery etc though (hate cutting meat with plastic).

Our maror is romaine (kos) lettuce. Karpas is broccoli. Haroset made of dried date, fresh fig, pomegranate, grape juice and olive oil. No egg in salt water. We normally do one seder with chicken and one with roast beef. We have a second type of meat also (Rambam thing I think) but not much normally, depends what I can get, sometimes it's just cold cuts. Normally the chicken is with rice but this year my husband worked at the chicken farm where they slaughter the chickens and got some whole for free (which I put in the freezer the day they were slaughtered so should be nice and fresh) so we're doing a roast chicken with vegies. Not sure what we'll do the other night but it will be beef, maybe not roasted though just to be different to the chicken. Not regular thing for the starter or dessert, whatever I think of, and sometimes we don't do them at all. Sometimes salmon pieces, don't make chicken soup usually and never made matza balls in my life.

No afikomen stealing or anything like that.

It's pretty short, doesn't go into the early hours of the morning or anything.

ETA - Machine made shmura matza here but my husband is getting some Pesah flour tomorrow and hoping to try making some soft matzot himself. I'm personally nervous but he's pretty confident.

As for singing, a bit? Nothing stands out for me but I think so! (Can you tell I'm normally tired at that point?)

Last edited by Rodent on Sat, Mar 20 2010, 9:47 pm; edited 3 times in total

montrealmommy

Sat, Mar 20 2010, 9:33 pm

Growing up, my seders resemble much of what you depicted. Except that the meal was huge, maggid was said 'matter of factly' and singing only occured when my brother, myself or a cousin would begin to sing! As I said, the meal was huge, after which usually anyone over the age of 60 left to go home (before or after bentching accordingly). Then bentching and lots of singing and a more relaxed and enjoyable 2nd part of the seder. Any divrei Torah were shared during the meal. Oh ya, we also began before zman due to 1) not kowing any better and 2) that's what the over 60;s wanted!

Now, to my married with children seder: dh is a yekke, so there is not much 'dragging out' and he is makpid on eating afikoman before chatzos. We sing as much as possible (we have marked 1 main haggadah with the places where the kids know something) and so we use that to instigate conversation and kiddy involvement. Kids get rewarded with chocolate covered raisins or chocolate chips for good answers and good questions (I learned this from a friend and really liked it). We usually have 1 pot-luck'esque seder with friends who have kids the same age, so it's very kid-oriented. We have finger pupets for the makos and pictures for as much as possible. We insert the kids' divrei Torahs into that 1 main hagaddah so we always know when to ask them stuff/get them involved. Meal is simple - egg in salt water, small pc. of fish, soup with "stuff" on a plate so people can choose what they want, then sorbet to clean our mouths and afikomen. This year we are trying for no chicken (again, a yekke minhag that dh would like to take on). 2nd seder is much the same if we are home.

Carpas is celery, charoset has no nuts (allergies), marror is romaine lettuce or endives. Matzoh is machine made shmura (again, a yekke minhag).

fmt4

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 9:17 am

Our sedarim sound similar to yours. We also go around by Maggid though each person usually picks whether they want to read in English or Hebrew (or Russian!) There are many dvar torahs-usually we don't have time for them all. My family aren't big singers, but there is some singing. My father hides the afikomen, we don't steal it. Chabad, so no songs at the end.

Chocolate Moose, you realize all that "nonsense" is the actual point of the seder- to keep the kids interested?

ChossidMom

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 1:49 pm

Growing up we had lots of singing and divrei Torah.
Today, we usually have some older people (Russians) as our seder guests every year.
We basically say the Hagadah, do a bit of singing (my husband is NOT much of a singer) and get to the meal pretty fast. No fancy divrei Torah like at my parents' house. We eat and my husband gets REAL tired (he's got health issues). We do eat Afikoman before the zman (doesn't everyone?).
A few of my kids fall asleep during the meal. I don't remember who's left for the songs at the end! Sometimes we all just say the Nirtza to ourselves as dh is sometimes sleeping or in a hurry to be sleeping!

As you can see, there are all different kinds of sedarim!!! This one works for us, though.

chocolate moose

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 2:42 pm

fmt4 wrote:

It could be, but there's an awful long Hagadah to say and we're all pretty tired - the times we went out for sedorim and did extra nonsense, we were up until 4am and were still fleishig when we had to go to shul in the morning. that's disgusting.

Marion

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 2:45 pm

Firstly, each head of the household (male) gets his own seder plate & matzot; it makes handing out portions go much faster. Table is set with ONLY a plate, wineglass, and fork; each place setting also has a small bowl of salt water. Different haggadot at each seat (though there are enough of the same to go around for those who need to be the "same" in order to follow).

Karpas is a platter of "ha'adama" choices; charoset is nutless and made with grape juice (allergies & alcohol issues). I also don't serve wine with higher than a 5% content.

Maggid is participatory; go around the table...each person can choose which language to read in. All the haggadot have commentary of some sort and people are encouraged to share them. (My parents also have a 4 page list of questions that they provide to their guests ahead of time; people are asked to choose one question and bring the answer to the seder...it was designed to encourage those with little to no background to participate as well.)

levial

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 3:50 pm

Growing up, our seders were hurried readings in mostly in English from the Maxwell house hagadah. Second night was a treat to go to my friend Lori's house. I actually believed that "Michael, this is not a race" (Michael being her father, the statement always made by her grandfather) was in the hagadah next to "let all who are hungry come and eat." But her grandma made real gefilte fish, not the catfood we opened once a year. It's why I love it today...and her father let the kids drink wine. It was exciting but now that I know better, irreverant.

Now we do a Yemenite seder, so the reading is all in Hebrew. I bought from the Yemenite Assn of America a Hebrew/English haggadah and the minhagim are all listed. DH reads, and we pause and have prepared various dvarim to say. We also invite guests to prepare something. The table is a picture of spring vegetables- there's no seder "plate" - just small dishes with the seder items and the table is covered with parsley, radishes, green onions, etc. We try to keep each other from stealing shawiyah before it's time.

This year, I will be 5 days post-partum. It's just DH, me, DD and b'h our little one. I will be having a c-section, and was invited "out" a lot but can't shlep, so leaning will most likely be happening at my table but I was sad to learn I can't pour for my DH (niddah status) and am worried for my 4 year old pouring on everything except the cup...

morahaviva

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 4:09 pm

Growing up our sedarim brachos were in Hebrew, but Magid was in English, went around the table, ppl putting in their two cents here and there. Plenty of singing, but I guess us kids led the singing.

Now - we all hate our seder. Except DH, who does it exactly how his father did it and sees nothing wrong with it.

He does Magid by himself - nobody gets a turn - and says it as if he is davening to himself, but out loud. Every once in a while he will shout a kids name and check if they are paying attention. I know I am not. SOOOO boring - no place for anyone else to participate. All songs - same tune - funeral dirge.

I have tried to speak to him, but he said this is the way it is supposed to be. I have no idea how this is supposed to be educational for kids. He isnt even lecturing - he is davening!

freidasima

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 4:27 pm

Our seder was always long. Hand shmura, and wine and later grape juice (now for dh and me only grape juice, our medications don't allow alcohol of any kind). Dh talks. And talks. And talks. The history of the customs that we keep, discussions of how the hagadda was created, the meaning behind many of the things we do and how they changed throughout the ages. Different minhogim of different groups. etc. etc. around 11 we get to matzo, korech etc. and simple food and afikomen by chatzos (which is shaos zmaniyos so it's NOT "midnight" but usually much later as we have daylight savings time) and then more talk and singing and finishing between 1 and 1:30.

Dishes. I do them as we go. No dishes for me at 2 AM. That's only for glasses and last silverware.
Reading - we go around the room skipping those who don't feel like reading.

LONG.

ChossidMom

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 5:04 pm

morahaviva wrote:

Wow. Mine sounds like yours (except we do have songs) and I LOVE it. Give me short anyday! I say let's do it and get to sleep. Erev Pesach is exhausting!

Mrs Bissli

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 5:09 pm

Hand shmura matza. Both romaine lettuce and horseradish for maror, celery for karpas.
We still stick to salt water instead of lemon juice.
Try to read Halachmanya as many language as possible.
We use different version of Ma Nishtana-the first one is dipping, chametz/matza comes in the second stanza.
Never lick your pinkie after the 10 drops of wine. (Some rinse or wipe off the plate.)
Also trying to see whose haggadot has the most graphic 10plagues pictures.
Anyone else with a custom of going around the table beating guests with spring onion or celery stalks at "Dayenu"?
Foodwise, leek pancakes are a must. I usually try to get braised lamb and chicken. No boiled eggs/potatoes. Gefilte never for sedar night but served for lunch.

rydys

Sun, Mar 21 2010, 10:11 pm

Our sedorim are long and fun. The kids participate at every junction. We begin by setting up the seder plate together--the kids help bring out each food as my husband calls for it and explains why we have it. Each man gets his own matos, but one seder plate.

When we get to magid, my husband goes through the hagada by reading in hebrew, then discussing in english and yiddish (we speak both at home). The kids are encouraged to ask questions and receive chocolate for good questions based on their age level.

Our minhag is to either eat the afikoman before chatzos or the first matza by then. My husband times things so that we eat the first matza just before chatzos. Then, we can't eat until after chatzos, which is usually how long it takes to hand out the marror.

Instead of the kids "stealing" the afikoman, my husband hides it at some point and they have to find it. He often plays "hot and cold" with them while they are looking.

We have lots of singing during magid and for hallel and nirtza and usually finish between 3 and 4 am.

My father's seder was very similar. He is a Bostoner Chossid and has an interesting minhag of singing seder songs in different languages at the end of the seder. He sings "Adir Hu" in German, and "Echad mi yodea" in Arabic. When I was at the Rebbe's zt"l seder one year, one of the guests sang Echad Mi Yodea in Polish--translating as he went along! It was very interesting!

ChossidMom

Mon, Mar 22 2010, 2:29 am

Mrs Bissli wrote:

Is leek pancakes some kind of custom?
I know that in my parents' home it wasn't a seder without potato latkes! Can't imagine why.
Leek pancakes sound really good though.

Frankly, I don't do fancy because noone is really hungry after the matza!