working fulltime | Imamother

smilingmom

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 7:20 am

bashinda wrote:

smilingmom: I think she's asking more like, what do you do if your husband isn't available to do those things. You sound like you're the primary breadwinner and your husband is the stay at home parent. Do you really think that's the case for a majority of women who work out of the home?

Sorry to respectfully disagree. Marriage is a partnership. If both parents work, both should share in the household chores.
My DH is out of the house all day too. He shops on his way home. Cooks on thursday nite for Shabbos and most of the next week's dinner. Cleans with the kids. He is a neat freak, so it makes it easier for him to clean, because it bothers him, when things are not in their place.

I guess of both parents are out of the house for so many hours, it would be extremely difficult, but I can't imagine there are two families with both parents out for 12 hour per day.

Obviously there are exceptions, I always marvel at how a single parent can manage to do everything themselves.

saw50st8

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 8:51 am

Tamiri wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

Last night I worked from 8 am to 9 pm and when I came hom at 10 pm I went out grocery shopping. I didn't get to sleep until almost midnight and I have an infant who woke up a few times at night. I woke up for the day at 5:30.

I'm tired. But I love my family so its all worth it.

This isn't the type of life I would ever envision being "worth it". Kudos to you for making it work.

I'm under a tight deadline at work so I don't normally work such long hours. My point was you do things when you get the chance.

Normall we are all out of the house at 7 am and come home at 6pm. DH takes on half the responsibility of the household. There is no way we could do it otherwise. I don't think its "worth" it in that I am not working for luxuries. I work to pay bills. I need to feed my kids and keep a roof over their heads. I need to save up for tuition.

Working allows me some luxuries (like not living in a one bedroom apartment with 2 kids). It allows me to buy more organic produce for my family. It allows me to save up to pay ridiculous tuition. You do what you have to - in an ideal world, DH and I would have unlimited money and neither of us would have to have a real job. We could buy a farm and live like hippies! That's a big dream of mine...

I really don't enjoy working. Its why I am so hard on people who take government services when they have other options, even if it means working long hours. Government services aren't free - they are charity paid for by the taxpayers and should only be used in times of real need, not in times of want.

OK, off my soap box now.

saw50st8

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:10 am

amother wrote:

What are your ideas when the couple has absolutely no family to help out (ie nobody to leave sick kids with, and dh cannot take off from work)?

Most grocery stores have delivery services, unless you live in the sticks.

Also, you can hire a babysitter to leave your kids for an hour unless they are really ill. Then perhaps you can pay someone to go out and buy groceries from your list.

amother

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:11 am

saw50st8 wrote:

amother wrote:

What are your ideas when the couple has absolutely no family to help out (ie nobody to leave sick kids with, and dh cannot take off from work)?

Most grocery stores have delivery services, unless you live in the sticks.

Groceries?? never heard of that at all

saw50st8

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:16 am

amother wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

amother wrote:

What are your ideas when the couple has absolutely no family to help out (ie nobody to leave sick kids with, and dh cannot take off from work)?

Most grocery stores have delivery services, unless you live in the sticks.

Groceries?? never heard of that at all

I can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not, so I'm going to assume not.

Most kosher places in Brooklyn deliver.

Shoprite (at least near me) has a delivery service.

Stop and Shop has a delivery service.

They are worth every penny.

amother

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:21 am

amother from 9:05
I was not talking about grocery shopping or other household responsibilities. Rather, about having say 3 kids under 5 when one/two/three of them are sick and you work ft. You can't take sick kids to daycare, not with flu, strep, conjunctivitis or who knows what else as long as they are 1. sick/fall apart/need extra medical care 2. contageous (and that is normally min. 2 days while you take them to a doc and antibiotics kick in).

Barbara

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:24 am

amother wrote:

What are your ideas when the couple has absolutely no family to help out (ie nobody to leave sick kids with, and dh cannot take off from work)?

Usually one parent can take off, or they can split the day. (We've done this a few times, with DH working in the morning and me in the afternoon.) We also use a pediatrician with night and weekend hours.

If not, you plan in advance. Most large cities have emergency daycare for sick kids. (Make sure to check it out BEFORE you need it.) Or make an arrangement with a friend who has a nanny who could step in (for a fee) in case of emergency.

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:31 am

amother wrote:

Either parent takes time off, work from home/make up time, or have someone else (babysitter, grandparents, neighbour you know/trust) stay with the kids.

Can't really think of any other alternatives, like let them roam around by themselves or send the sick kids to nursery, right? Just like any other parenting, you gotta do what you need to do to.

Barbara

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:36 am

saw50st8 wrote:

amother wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

amother wrote:

What are your ideas when the couple has absolutely no family to help out (ie nobody to leave sick kids with, and dh cannot take off from work)?

Most grocery stores have delivery services, unless you live in the sticks.

Groceries?? never heard of that at all

Fresh Direct. Peapod.

I often shop motzei Shabbat during the winter. And our local kosher market now stays open until 9 pm on Thursday for working families.

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:41 am

amother wrote:

Would you work fulltime when your husband doesn't earn enough?

I have only saw the thread so seems to have missed out lots of juicy stuff.
The long and short answer would be: "It depends" (like many other things in life).

- It depends on how much of shortfall we're talking about.
- It depends on if you/DH can manage with lower income. People have different priority and it's
a trade off between working vs reward (cars, jewish day school, holiday, whatever).
For some people benefit of staying at home outweighs economic incentives.
- It depends on if there's someone else you can count on for financial support.
- It depends on childrens ages and childcare costs
- It depends on your earning potential. It's a matter of opportunity costs.
- It also depends on benefits between F/T vs P/T, commute time, types of work (some positions are
much harder to come by unless you work F/T.)

Now the question in our contemporary equal opportunity world would be
- would your DH work full time when you don't earn enough?
- would your DH pitch in household chores/childcare if you work?

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:49 am

amother wrote:

I disagree with those of you who think your kids ar ok while you'r working full time.They may seem happy playing but they need your hashpa'ah. These childrn have a hard time adjusting in life bc they never see how a frum adult deals with certain situations.

The kids may be ok, or they may not be. But you can say the same with children whose mother stay at home. While I read and fully understand the importance of having a caring adult (who may not necessarily the parents) in early years, that's not an argument against working full time.

amother wrote:

I feel every woman should work at least a little for many reasons:
firstl, she may apprciate her hubby more
next, he will appreciat her more
it will make her a happier mother who looks forward to seeing the kids at the end of the day
it will kep her focused

Thanks but I hope DH appreciates me whether I work or stay at home. And vice versa...

The bottom line, there's no rights or wrong, so long as everyone is pretty happy. It's a trade off between lifestyle, finance, practicality, many things and I think most of us try making the most out of it and usually make fairly rational decisions.

Tablepoetry

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 10:54 am

I didn't realize some mothers work so hard. I don't think I could handle being out of the house 10, 12 hours a day. I do work, I'm a teacher, but I'm home by the time my kids finish gan (1:30 here in Israel).

To answer the question: of course I would work full time if I had no choice. But I would do everything in my power to avoid it. I would certainly avoid the tuition trap. I would not sell my life and every waking hour in order to send my kids to private Jewish school. I'd either move to Israel (actually , I did that!) or I'd send my kids to public school. I went to public school, my siblings went, my friends went, we all turned out perfectly fine.
No way I'd be willing to come home every evening at 7 pm or later just to afford tuition. That leaves just enough time to feed the kids, bathe them quickly, put them in bed, and collapse of exhaustion. As long as there is food on the table, a roof on our heads, etc, I'm not willing to push myself so hard.

saw50st8

Fri, Jun 04 2010, 11:00 am

Tablepoetry wrote:

I would consider public school for my kids but for DH its a dealbreaker. Its not easy, but its life.

Hopefully, one day, we can move to Israel and relieve our tuition burden!