Struggling Full Time Working Mama

amother

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:03 pm

I am struggling a lot. I have 5 little ones, BH, they are terrific kids. I work full time and so does my husband. I am working to help support my family and pay off debt that we accrued over the years when my salary was much less. I have been really, really struggling for the past year and it feels like that is just too long. It has affected my physical and emotional health. It has affected my marriage.
I feel really stuck and it is such a horrible feeling. It seems like it is very difficult to get a local job that meets my skill set and pays above a certain amount which I need to make it worthwhile for me to work. I have full time child care so that I can work. We are able to save for reitrement, which is a necessity and a luxury. We have no family to "fall back on" so it feels like I need to do my part to ensure we pay off debt and save responsibly. I am not a doctor or a lawyer, I am just working hard trying to support my family.
Is anyone else out there in a similar boat? I feel so depleted when I come home to my kids at the end of a long, very stressful day and I have no koach left for them. My job is also all consuming and it is always on my mind and I can easily work 50 hours+ a week to be on top of it all.
Any advice for those that have been in a similar situation?
I am really broken inside and it is getting hard to keep moving forward.

amother

Jean

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:15 pm

Yep. Have fewer kids than you but a few have significant needs.
I am so burnt out. We aren't saving for retirement- we are not even making it through the month now (DH had cut backs at his job).

I feel I am collapsing.
I want a full time housekeeper. Or at least 3-4x a week. I am desperately trying to hold on. But I can't afford that.

Working full time is hard. I work a demanding job and am exhausted...

amother

Junglegreen

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:16 pm

I work full time BH too. My family needs my income. While I’m often tired I love it. I love being a strong, capable woman who is doing what needs to be done. I love what I’m modeling for my kids. I love that I have value at my workplace and I get paid to do a job thst I enjoy. I love the structure and I love not only my financial independence (meaning I don’t have to ask my spouse for money etc.) I love bein able to support my family. I am very good at boundaries so for the most part I leave it all (practically and mentally) at work.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:18 pm

I work full time too. It's hard. No cleaning help. But I think it would make me anxious to not work and not have enough to provide for my family. Obviously hashem can provide even if you aren't working but I feel like I'm doing my hishtadlus by working.

amother

Cognac

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:23 pm

I gave up my job before I snapped, and left it up to Hashem. Bh hashem hasn't forgotten us & we have what we need. It's not easy to live a frugal lifestyle in a community where many live on high standards, but I'd rather live frugal than lose my sanity & not have energy, patience, and time for my kids.

amother

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:40 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

This really resonated with me. A Rav told me recently that if one is able to support oneself financially without relying on hand outs from the community that is a good thing as that is being like Hashem which we strive to do. But at the same time I feel like I am literally falling apart mentally and physically (side note, cleaning help is not the issue...it's the TOO MUCH of the pressure of full time work responsibilities PLUS the children and anything else). I am not sure what to make of what this Rav said, since my mental health should be important, we are supposed to do be good mothers, and have a positive home environment...sigh

amother

Begonia

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 12:23 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

What’s your secret?! You sound superhuman.

amother

Cognac

Tue, Apr 02 2024, 12:41 am

amother Begonia wrote:

OP your post really resonates with me.
The feeling of it all being TO MUCH.
I dream of stopping to work… iyh one day.
As I once heard from someone - a working mom is an oxymoron. It just doesn’t work.

You're right, it doesn't work. We're one person. We're not meant to be able to manage a full time job while raising children & running a home. It's just not realistic & possible for 1 person to do all that properly.

Realstuff

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 8:10 pm

OP hey this sounds like so much you’re dealing with..is there anyway to limit what is not a priority? It can help to go back to basics of what is my real priority? just reminding myself that my children husband home and myself are the prioriTyand then seriously limiting other obligations as much as possibl. (maybe even the job) Have you told your husband how you feel? We were never meant to be superwomen….maybe it’s worth it to take a break for a year,heal yourself so you can continue in your priorities.Sometimes the seasons of life need us to adjust and trust hashem will take of the rest. I hope this helps Hatzlacha

amother

Lightcyan

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 8:35 pm

I feel like I could have written this post myself!!

It's so hard to work so hard and not be able to enjoy things like the occasional night out with my husband... Or cleaning help... Or something nice.

I have less kids than you, but we're really struggling to pay the bills and it's becoming more difficult by the day.

Im so sorry, I don't have any advice... But you should know you're not alone!

Hashem should bench you wirh koach and parnassa!

amother

Lightcyan

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 8:38 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

I agree. It's sooo hard to work all day, then be with the kids all night, cook, clean, do all the shopping... It's a real struggle for me.

My house is never clean and it causes me anxiety when things are a wreck. But I have so little energy...

Now to be fair, I DO spend too much time on my phone and I'm sure I could get more done if I focused solely on being a mom/wife/employee. But I'm pretty distracted thoughout the day.

amother

Outerspace

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 8:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Um, yes, supporting yourself is a good thing. Not falling apart physically and mentally is also a good thing. Actually a more important good thing.

(No judgment on anyone who has to or can't! You were talking about values and I'm responding on that.)