Advice needed: Suspect friend's baby has physical issue...

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:06 pm

question 1

baby is six months old and super floppy. very calm, very smiley, but still lying down in stroller and must be fully supported because head and back are floppy. Held him yesterday and he would have gone all the way backwards if I had not caught him. just seems exceptionally low tone. is this within the range of normal?

question 2

if this is not within the range of normal, do I say something to my friend?

OldYoung

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:12 pm

It's very thoughtful of you to be so concerned about your friend's baby's health, but wouldn't a pediatrician notice those very same issues at the baby's physical? I think it's rude and totally not necessary to comment. She either a- probably knows that an issue exists already and didn't feel like talking to you about it, b- doesn't know, but will be informed by a pediatrician who can get her proper help and guidance, or c- there is no issue altogether, and you will cause some very unnecessary tension and worrying.

jaysmom

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:15 pm

Tough stuff. Honestly, it depends on the friend, but in most cases I would say to say nothing. Its hard to specify in what case it might be okay to say something, because you would have to be there and see the whole person and the whole picture. It could really hurt a friendship and upset the mother. Pediatricians ask about milestones, and it is probably best to leave it up to him/her to make a judgement call. I know all you would be saying (I'm guessing) is to look into it and that you don't know for sure, but it can be real risky to say anything. I would leave it up to the pediatrician or again I don't know the situation, but MAYBE mention it to a mutual friend who is a family member. I would never want to make a judgement call here for you and say it is okay to say something because its so touchy, so if I had to tell you one way or the other.... leave it up to the doc to make a move with this.

pina colada

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:19 pm

I disagree with the above posters. A baby that age should be able to sit in a stroller, with the support of a stroller.

Perhaps you can say that you feel that the baby might have low muscle tone and perhaps she can discuss it with her pediatrician at the next visit. If she is really the open type can suggest an evaluation by an EI agency, if you're in nyc.

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:26 pm

actually we are very out of town. speaking of doctor's though, they (a few of them) missed my baby's developmental issue resulting in my having to hunt down a doctor who would actually make me a referral to the proper specialist who confirmed what I thought. I guess while my first instinct was that the doctor would catch it at a well baby visit, my own experience is that if some of the people who thought there was something up with my kid had spoken up sooner, then we could have gotten help sooner.

yesterday seriously freaked me out. I am thinking it is probably something that mostly could be handled by some pt exercises or something, but you have to start it to have it work.

Tehilla

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:29 pm

Do you know if she even has regular checkups? There were times where we missed some due to other reasons. Additionally, if this is a somewhat not with it pediatrician, I'd casually mention it. There are ways to say it without offending her, and if she's a close enough friend that is even better.

amother

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 2:45 pm

You have no idea how many children there are with REAL issues that were seen by their pediatricians on a regular basis but NO problems were ever addressed. Having evaluated many children for all sorts of things, I am frankly shocked that these kids' pediatricians NEVER mentioned developmental or physical concerns that require testing and/or treatment. The poor mothers who have to hear it the first time from me are just flabbergasted that their child's pediatrician either did not notice it or never thought it important enough to mention. And meanwhile, this struggling child is floundering, or suffering, or delayed to such an extent that services cannot be given fast enough to treat the issue.

OP, does the baby roll over either back to front or vice versa? Can he support his head? Can this baby support any of his weight on his legs while being held under his arms? What does he do when he's on his stomach- can he raise his head, brace his arms against the surface beneath him? He should be doing all these things without any problem at this age. If not, your friend should go to an EI agency to have him evaluated.

life'sgreat

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 3:55 pm

OldYoung wrote:

No. Pediatricians often miss such important stuff. Also, some people don't go that often.

My nephew had this very same issue and was extremely floppy and no one told her anything until he was close to two years old. It was her first and she thought it was normal. He got intensive therapy at that point and the therapists told him that she's almost 2 years too late in starting therapy. He never gained very strong muscle control and was told that had she started when he was way younger, he'd have been fine. The poor kid used to come home from cheder crying that he can't run as fast as the other kids and everyone mocks the way he runs etc...

Perhaps be very delicate about it, but do bring it up.

ROFL

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 4:20 pm

Definitely say something-
You can say. When I hold baby he seems all floppy. Have u discussed this with doc. When my _______(fill in niece nephew child) was a baby they also had low tone and therapy really helped. Please talk to your doc about it.

Sherri

Sun, Jul 18 2010, 4:27 pm

I think you should say something, with sensitivity and tact. Perhaps like ROFL mentioned- you can say casually how your niece/neighbor looked/behaved like this, and your sil/friend was happy that someone pointed it out to her because the early intervention really was crucial. Or think of another tactful way to bring it up- whichever way you think she is most liable to take heed and check it out.

sim

Mon, Jul 19 2010, 1:47 pm

ROFL wrote:

Absolutely. I once had a similar situation with a friend, and I was able to use one of my own children as an example, b/c she had the same exact physical issue. It was taken by her in the spirit in which it was given, and her child got the help he needed when he needed it. Her pediatrician didn't catch it; I believe she uses a very popular and overcrowded group, so it's like a mill and sometimes issues don't get caught unless the mother mentions it. She would not have picked up on it as he was her first and she isn't educated in that field.