Is cleaning help a luxury?

YALT

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 2:39 pm

Small bean and saw50 -

there is only so much DH can do b4 he's in need of help. He brings the $ to the house. If I'd go out to work full time & let him stay in and care for house & kids then we'd have even less $ to live on since women are paid less.

DH already has no time to himself.
And just because a woman is on the verge of a breakdown, does not mean the hubby is being lazy. It means dif. ppl can handle dif. amounts of pressure.

I'm going to make a spinoff. cuz there's a dif. issue that really bothers ME.

suomynona

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 2:41 pm

small bean wrote:

do you have a spouse? how much hours are you sleeping? cleaning help is a luxury. it's possible to firuge out something else

How few hours of sleep do I have to be getting for you to determine whether or not I can spare a few? Isn't that arbitrary and very individual? What is the definition of luxury? That is also very individual.
Is anything other than bread and water, one outfit and a roof a luxury?
Is a/c a luxury?

gold21

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 2:43 pm

I think it varies from person to person. For some its a luxury, for some its a necessity. Small Bean, I assure you that if I had 3 small children, worked full time, and had no cleaning help, I would be a basket case. And I would have almost no time to spend with my husband. As it is, I am a stay-at-home mom and have 2 young children KAH, and I have cleaning help for 3 hours every other week. And yeah I would say its a necessity. As much as having a decent shaitel is a necessity. As much as having a car is a necessity.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 2:48 pm

small bean wrote:

do you have a spouse? how much hours are you sleeping? cleaning help is a luxury. it's possible to firuge out something else

wow, you are being very judgmental. first of all, what if a spouse works all day and comes home completely spent and has no koach to start cleaning the house? and what if there are people out there that need more than 6 hours of sleep?

there are not always ways to figure something else out and as I mentioned in my first post, if both spouses feel the need for it, why would it be considered a luxury?

Last edited by shabbatiscoming on Wed, Aug 25 2010, 2:49 pm; edited 1 time in total

gold21

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 2:48 pm

And working men do not necessarily have the time to mop floors. My husband works really hard, with no lunch break, and he comes home exhausted. Then he still has to learn. And he needs to spend time with me, chatting and connecting. He works on Sundays too, and has very little vacation time. So, what, he should mop floors?

small bean

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 3:52 pm

I'm sorry. there's time for anything you want time for. I admit I'm sure that there's much more of my day I can spend cleaning, and I don't but becuase I don't want to... not because I can't. it's a luxury to sit on the couch and unwind after I work the whole day - I do it... but it's still a luxury.

a luxury is anything that is not needed.. so besides shelter and food everything else is sort of a luxury... you don't need to get new clothe, a car, vacation, meat, etc... these things are extras.

it bothers me when ppl can seperate needs and wants...

and any husband who says he's too tired to mop the floor which wont take more than an hour - is just plain lazy.

Pickle Lady

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 4:00 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Pickle Lady wrote:

Not if you are married to a South African. Smile

very very very true LOL

I was wondering when someone would notice.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Housekeeping is not my strength. B"H my husband comes from south africa and think of a maid as a necessity. We all have different views of luxuries depending on culture.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 4:04 pm

Pickle Lady wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Pickle Lady wrote:

Not if you are married to a South African. Smile

very very very true LOL

its not just my husband. we dont have a very messy home, but my mother in law, whenever she talks to us, is always and I mean always, reminding us that we need to get a cleaner in so that the house looks like nobody lived in it Smile

but it most definitely can be cultural.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 4:10 pm

small bean wrote:

why is unwinding after a whole day a luxury? why should that not be something that is a necessity? meaning, you NEED that unwind time in order to recharge your batteries and go on to the next task that you have waiting for you. I dont see how that is aluxury?

who are you to say that some people can not literally live without cleaning help? what if someone really has NO time to do it and goes nuts with a messy house? why is it a luxury then?

and about a husband being lazy, im sorry, if I work a FULL day and come home to be asked to mop the floor, I would get very upset. I would be very tired and not want to do that at all and make a big stink about it.

life'sgreat

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 4:24 pm

small bean wrote:

Then I can only give you a brocha that you never ever be in a position to need a cleaning lady as a necessity (and that's not when talking about a disability).

I think it's wrong to judge others though without knowing why they feel the need to have a cleaning lady as a necessity. And there are definitely times when it is so.

Oh, and I think it's again, wrong to judge a husband as lazy without knowing the details.

life'sgreat

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 4:33 pm

small bean wrote:

I'm not saying it's bad to have a cleaning lady... just that's it's a luxury..

it's pathetic that having a luxury is turned into a negative thing... nothing worng with it..

personally, I can afford it - I just don't have the time for it.

It sounds like you're being deliberately obtuse.

Yes, to you and many many others (including me) it's a luxury. But to Faigel, or Brocha that has X issue, or has a special needs child, or has ADD to the point that her house is literally falling apart, or whatever, it isn't. What's so hard to understand about that? It is negative when people that manage pretty well without it, turn around and judge those that really can't manage on their own.

gold21

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 4:56 pm

Small bean, why is it considered lazy if a man is too exhausted to mop the floor? clearly, you push yourself hard, and expect others to be capable of the same. but I and my husband believe there is a lot of value in minimizing stress in your life. taking some time to relax does not make a person lazy- it keeps a person healthy and reduces stress. its a positive thing.

So, lets review. DH comes home at 6:30 after working a long busy day. He does bath time with me, and bedtime with me. Kids are in bed by 8:00. He then relaxes for an hour, which is a necessity: TIME TO DE-STRESS IS A NECESSITY. Then its time for learning and minyan. By 10:00, he doesnt want to mop floors, and I dont want him to either! I want to spend time with him. My husband is not lazy at all. Im sorry you have that point of view.

saw50st8

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 5:00 pm

Having a nice sheitel IS a luxury. So is cleaning help, for the most part.

Would you say "Lets not eat tonight to pay for the cleaning lady?" Would you say "Get a scholarship from the school to pay a cleaning lady?" (unfortunately, for too many people the answer is yet)

Lets take YALT for example. The floor is the only task that she seems to need help with. Are you telling me her husband can't spend 1 hour a week on the floor if they cannot afford cleaning help?

I didn't say that having cleaning help is a bad thing, but its logic like this that is crazy IMO.

small bean

Wed, Aug 25 2010, 5:04 pm

gold21 wrote:

first of all taking care of your obligations doesnt mean a stressed out life and pushing yourself to your limits.. second of all you can do bed time he can mop the floor... third of all nothing worng with having a luxury... and it's ok to have it... it doesnt take away from the fact no matter how hard you work and no matter how hard it is for you to live with out relaxing time that cleaning help is a luxury. techinically you can have your 2yr old was the floor for an activity... if it's to hard for you..

ftr - many ppl have the same schedule and don't have cleaning help - they figure it out... my husband is also tired when he comes at 8 he gets up at 4.30 the latest.. and he would still mop the floor if that's what needed to be done... not that it would be bad if I got a cleaning lady to do it instead, but assuming we didnt have one for any reason... (for the most part he doesn't mop the floor, btw)

I don't know why ppl have a hard time admitting that they have luxuries..