I just experienced a mothers worst nightmare!

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 8:37 pm

I was in middle of serving dinner when I heard loud knocking on my door. I took a look out of the peephole and saw 2 non-jewish women standing there and identifying themselves as representatives from the ACS and informing me that if I don't open the door they will break it down. I was shocked and frightened to say the least however had no choice but to let them in. They let me know that someone has called in to say that I leave my 2 young children alone unattended. They asked me a whole slew of questions which they documented on paper (names, dobs of my kids, dh's salary, rent and so on.) They looked around my house and were happy to see that everything was under control and I don't seem to exihibit any "abusive tendencies." They also made me sign a medical release form which will be faxed into my pediatrician and requested names of relatives they can use as references to verify the veracity, or lack of, these charges.
I was (and still am) so freaked out by this that by the time they left I was literally weak at my knees. They promised to return in two weeks to chk back on the kids and left me a card. The irony of this is that I'm the typical neurotic mother and I never leave my kinderlach alone. On the contrary; some say I'm too overprotective. I am almost certain I know who the perpertrator is; a lonely, self-hating jew who has given me lot's of headaches in the past.
Can anyone who has ever been through this give me some practical advice on the do's and don'ts I need to be aware of regarding such matters? I'm at a loss, and nearly on the verge of tears.

I truly appreciate it!

Yocheved84

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 8:42 pm

I'm sorry I can't help, but I just wanted to send hugs your way. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. There was another poster who recently posted about a similar occurrence. Hopefully she is online tonight and can answer.

Is there someone in the legal community you can talk to? while you are innocent and the claims unfounded, you want to document this and have copies pertaining to the investigation, should you later wish to sue the perpetrator for harassment.

Ilovehashem26

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 8:43 pm

I dont have any advice, but when I read "mother's worst nightmare" I thought of much worse than what you described!! B"H it was only child services who, as you said, have no valid reason to have anything to do with you, except for some nasty neigibor's testimony. You know your a great mother and have nothing to worry about, If your still worried, then maybe this was a wakeup call from Hashem for some reason or another.
Anyways, while it may be a hassle- It certainly is not a mother's "worst" nightmare. And while im sure they frightened you and are very annoying,
Count your blessings!
Shana Tova

sneakermom

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 8:49 pm

Don't panic. (I know it's easier said than done.) I know people who went through the exact same thing as you. They lived in a building and a self hating Jew called ACS on them.

These particular people were very kind, nurturing and responsible parents. But anyone can call acs on anyone.

Some tips:
1. They love when you are friendly. Offer them something to eat...show them that you have zero to hide, and make them feel comfortable. Tell them to come anytime and your home is open to them.

2. They will see that you run a normal household and will take note of it.

3. Do lock up detergents and medicines they can get hung up about things like that.

They will just do their investigation that is their job. And then they will be gone. At that point you can make a kiddish or something....or drink l'chaim!

Good luck and wishing you put this behind you as fast as possible!

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 8:53 pm

Ilovehashem26 wrote:

I hope that didnt come off as harsh, OP, I didnt mean it to- I was just re-reading it.. You have every right to be upset, I just wanted to point out that its not the end of the world and life goes on... You are totally entitled to be shocked and in need of some comfort though. I send you hugs too Hug

OP here, thank you both!

As soon as my original post was submitted I had this niggling feeling that this will be brought up and I appreciate the validity of your point. However at this moment I'm in such a state of shock that this person I'm suspecting has stooped this low (he has done lots of things to me in the past but never this bad) and am so frightened by the interview that it feels like a horrible nightmare.
Thanks for your hugs!

flowerpower

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 9:13 pm

That is terrible. What is crazy sometimes is that they come by any anonymous callers request. They should really verify if it is true before coming down. I know two people went through it recently because a physco eating by them on shabbos who suffered from bipolar called them because she had flashbacks from her abused childhood. They came and the poor families had a hard unnessary few weeks. They checked out the kids in school.....I wish you the best of luck and hopefully they will brush it off very fast seeing what a type of household you run. Good luck!!!

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 10:52 pm

This happened to me too. I just calmly showed them around my house-each kid had a bed, the fridge was full (it was actually simchas torah), the pantry was full, my kids were fine etc. When a call is made, they have to check it out, but they know that most of the calls they get are bogus.

I was calm and cheerful while they were here. I sat and cried when they left.

It did not take long for them to close the "case".

Depressed

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:01 pm

amother wrote:

Please pm me. I might have some advice for you.

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:19 pm

Quote:

These particular people were very kind, nurturing and responsible parents. But anyone can call acs on anyone.

There is something I don't understand. There have been a few posts on imamother of this nature, but I don't get it.
I don't live in the states. I once called our local child services not to report anybody but to ask advice because I had suspicions about someone.
I was told that it is very hard to report someone, that I can't just call and report them but have to be able to substantiate it. I was then given advice such as to get as close as possible, have the kids over etc so as to be able to better observe what I thought was going on.
Is it so much easier in the USA to report people that any anonymous person can send child services to anyone's house on a whim? why is that?

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:28 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

These particular people were very kind, nurturing and responsible parents. But anyone can call acs on anyone.

You bet it is.. All you have to do in NJ is call and make an allegation and they will immediately come to house and start the case. If there are several anonymous calls, within a few months, they will remove the children..

gold21

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:34 pm

op, that must have been really frightening. does that evil neighbor of yours have kids? maybe you should report him. no, just kidding. but like another poster mentioned, maybe you should seek legal counsel regarding this neighbor, who is clearly out to stir up trouble. good luck. stay calm. you are an amazing mom. and it will show!

chaylizi

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:40 pm

Ilovehashem26 wrote:

amother

Mon, Sep 13 2010, 11:52 pm

I saw this topic just after I posted my thread,with something similar.
OP, I'm sorry you had this frightening experience.

I don't want to hijack your thread, you deserve all the Hug

people are offering, including me.

If someone would though, take a look at my thread, I would appreciate it. It's called DCFS experience.
My situation is related but different. Thanks.

amother

Tue, Sep 14 2010, 12:05 am

gold21 wrote:

Op here. Thanks everyone for your support and advice.
depressed, I will pm you.
Unfortunately not. He's a lonely old bachelor (or ba*tard, as I'm wont to call him) who has made it his mission to cause me misery for the last couple of years.

quote="chaylizi"]

Ilovehashem26 wrote:

Unfortunately, OP had/has reason to be nervous. Plenty of children have been removed from their homes because of ignorant or cruel people who make up lies about others. OP, when you are cleared, I would make sure they have this person's name on file as having submitted a baseless report. It can & will be held against him if he does it again.[/quote]

Thanks chaylizi, that's some good advice. I actually told them about this guy (I'm assuming he's the culprit, and they didn't object) and that he has no qualms about making up another new, vile but baseless story tomorrow. They said I should stay far away from him (which I do but seeing he's my next door neighbor.....) and hopefully they will dismiss this case after doing the necessary research (doctors records, neighbors and relatives opinions and additional visitation.)

(the bolded makes me real nervous)