Dilema with DH's Friends...

amother

Fri, Jul 28 2006, 8:04 am

One of DH's friends called us last night and invited us to a surprise birthday party for his wife and a milchig resteraunt this Sunday night. Its a really fancy resteraunt and the husband is treating everyone shock

We said we are for sure coming and were actually really excited.

Problem is, its the nine days (which I just realized today). I know it is inappropriate to have parties on the nine days, so what should we do? This is one of DH's best friends, if we don't go - they will think something is up. The crowd is "Yeshivish" but not very very frum (If you can understand what that means) so we will definitely be looked down upon if we tell them we are not going because of the 9 days - DH's friend may even be insulted. I don't think they would cancel the party so really, so here's my real question:

Are we for sure not allowed to go or is there room to ask a shaila?
If we don't go, should we tell them why?
Should we try to tell them to "push off" the party? They will probably say no.
We will end up looking like the "frummies".... What would you do?

JMto2

Fri, Jul 28 2006, 8:09 am

I woudl tell you to consult with someone of higher authority because you are dealing with a few issues over here there might be a right over a wrong like going as to not cause other issues. Good luck

chocolate moose

Fri, Jul 28 2006, 8:39 am

In my shul we had several birthdays together, and it was the 9 days. I don't see how it's a problem, specially if Dvar Torahs are being said, but if you would feel more comfortable about it, ask your rov or mashpia.

amother

Fri, Jul 28 2006, 8:41 am

OP here...

I asked my Rav and he said we can definitely go. He said there is no need to do a siyum and although it is preferable not to make parties during the 9 days, if someone invites you and is a close friend you can go!

Guess its not as asur as I thought it was!