No rabbi, Big Question

amother

Sun, Nov 21 2010, 8:50 pm

DH and I don't have a rabbi. So far we've asked random rabbis where we've lived questions about kashrut and nidda, but we aren't close to any of them. We also recently moved but anyway.

DH is BT and never had the opportunity to learn in yeshiva. He's learned with some kiruv rabbis, of an ohr sameyach variety, some chabad guys maybe, no one he's been really close with. Also, we're more modern orthodox in how we live and in hashkafa (esp me). I went to sem, but haven't kept in touch so much we the teachers I was close with and it's been a while.

Now I'm thank Gd pregnant and we have some questions that are pretty important about certain tests and screenings, but no rabbi. What do we do? Anyone have a rav they can recommend with a phone number? There are people we've heard of (or heard in person) and respect, but we don't personally know them, or even how to get in touch with them. It's super stressing me out. What do I do?

mama-star

Sun, Nov 21 2010, 8:52 pm

why don't you look up the phone numbers of those people that you know and respect, and just call them? just tell them even though you don't know them, you have heard about them and respect them, and would like to ask sha'alehs of them. why not?

TwinsMommy

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 1:11 am

where do you live? I think a local Rav is really important, for TH shaylohs among other things. We have a Rav in our old community, a Rav in our new community, and a Rav who poskens certain things in our new community (our Rav sent us to him, telling us he doesn't posken certain shaylohs). Certainly we wouldn't mail a TH shayloh to the Rav we haven't seen in 5 years. Similarly, things that he would have a really unique perspective on, we wouldn't necessarily ask our local Rav.

I think starting with someone local is the best way to go-- where you daven now, is there a Rav who poskens?

sa613

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 1:30 am

You should definitely begin with someone local like the rabbi of the shul in which you daven. We were smilar to you- BT's in a new community and ultimately developed a very nice relationship with our shul's Rav and learned a lot from him.

amother

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 3:00 am

FWIW, Rav Aviner in Israel paskens that any tests done during pregnancy that are available on the kupa should be done, as if the healthcare system is funding them, then medical professionals consider them important enough to be done by all women. These days this covers all the extra scans that detect Downs Syndrome etc.

B'hatzlacha.

mama-star

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 7:52 am

yes but other rabbonim don't hold that way, and don't advise all the medical screenings, especially sonograms, etc, and the op said she has a shaychus to chabad, and the rebbe for sure did not hold that way. just putting it out there.

HindaRochel

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 7:58 am

Well where do you daven?
Not knowing where you live I can't recommend a Rabbi. If you lived in Israel I would call Chaim Wasserman, as he is a great Rabbi, very caring and very wise. I also find Rabbi Markowitz great. But both are in Israel. Can you give us a general area?

If you are in Israel and the questions relate to pregnancy you could try the puah institute.

energy11

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 8:02 am

amother wrote:

EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Rav Aviner is NOT ALLOWED TO POSSEK about these matters.
Why are you quoting him?? He is extremely ambigous, controversal and suspiscous and he is not a Rav you should encourage others to go to, or quote.

If you don't know, here it is:

"What the Ha'Aretz article (below) neglected to mention was issue of Shlomo Aviner's rulings on niddah, ketamim, and marot which caused former Chief Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu to call him to appear before his bet din.

Shlomo Aviner wrote to Rabbi Eliyahu, in his own hand, saying that he would appear,...but then never did.

Because he refused to appear, and because he is suspected of instructing Jews to transgress issurei karet (prohibitions punishable by being cut off from our people), Rabbis Lior, Y. Yosef, E. Levanon ruled that one may not ask Shlomo Aviner any questions of Jewish Law or read his articles or books."

Here is the link: http://shlomo-aviner.blogspot.com/

Please do not quote him again! Thank you!

energy11

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 8:36 am

The reason I a so adamant is that a Halachic ruling pasken not to give Aviner the authority of Possek.
You can look here:http://shlomo-aviner.blogspot.com/2007/11/introduction.html
I personally know of the case and I know some of his victims.

artikidove

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 9:38 am

I am chabad and I go to my local Chabad rav. You'd be surprised at what they say regarding testing during pregnancy. My rav will not say never to an ultrasound. PM me if you want his number. I'm from Baltimore so I'd only suggest a Baltimore rav if you're from around here. Local is important! But if you are local there are tons of amazing rabbaim for you to see.

amother

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 9:39 am

OP here.

Thank you ladies for the advice! I'm starting to think maybe I'll just call a former teacher from school or seminary. We are in the US but okay with calling Israel. Like I said, we only arrived at the area recently, it's a small community, and without getting into details are not planning on asking the local rabbi whose shul we go to. We like him and the environment personally.
We tried asking him about smaller things before, and he has a very derech and tradtion, and his approach to things isn't what we're comfortable with. He also deals more with communal and educational things, less with paskening. There is another rabbi in the area who bluntly admits that he is not a posek for anything but very basics. We might ask him to recommend someone we can talk to.

Just because this came up, we are not chabad and are definitely not looking for a chabad psak. We like chabad a lot, but it's not our derech/shita/whatever.

It was be so much better to just have a local rabbi we trust and can ask!

acccdac

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 11:02 am

amother wrote:

It was be so much better to just have a local rabbi we trust and can ask!

where do you live?

personally, what has created a bond between us and our local rav was starting off asking a question about pregnancy because I needed someone to ask. We didnt have a relationship with him, but I had a question. So after asking the question a relationship began.

so dont be afraid to call the rav of the shul you attend.

amother

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 12:55 pm

Like I said, the local rabbi is not an option. He's a nice guy, but like I said we have asked him no so big questions in the past and we are certain that it's not an option. I explained the reasons in general and would prefer not to spell it out. It just doesn't seem right.

We are likely to keep moving around for the next few years, so finding davka a local rabbi won't make that much of a difference in the long run.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 22 2010, 1:03 pm

amother wrote:

I think this is a great idea. we have not found where we want to make a permanent home yet and so we have moved a bit so when we have questions we usually ask either a rav of mine from high school or a teacher of my husband's, it just depends on the topic.
I think the most important thing is to feel comfortable with the person, not location at all.