WDYD? - people touching newborn

amother

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 5:26 pm

I'm expecting my first soon IY"H and want to prepare myself because I just know this is going to happen and I just know I won't be able to handle it well...

What do you do when people, especially relatives who cannot be easily brushed off, descend upon your helpless vulnerable newborn and put their slimy grimy hands and mouths all over it? I know I won't be able to protect my baby from everything forever, but I am concerned anyway. It's one thing when you have a whole bunch of little kids spreading germs all over your house, I don't know what you can do then, but this little one is a first and I don't see any reason to expose him/her to other people's germs.

In particular I'm worried about a specific family of relatives (call it paranoia but that's why I'm posting anon. I almost didn't but just in case... this could be L"H) They have a bunch of kids of all ages and from what I see they aren't so into hygiene. They're perpetually passing something around the family - always seems to be someone with a cold, cough, strep, whatever. They take it very lightly, will show up to family gatherings and such regardless of what they have, will come visit and only let you know by-the-way if it happens to come up in conversation that one kid or the other is just getting over or coming down with whatever. BUT in all other ways they're really fine people, valued members of the family, and definitely consider themselves close to us. So avoiding them is really not an option. They also are very into family togetherness, AND they insult easily. So they will certainly be wanting to meet the new addition, it's especially exciting because it's our first. There will be no way to avoid this. But surely there must be some way I can avoid having all of their kids all over my baby? The big ones for sure will all want to hold the baby, and they have their own baby sibling they pass around all the time so it's not like they don't know how to handle one. Argh.

Any tips on how to be assertive and protective without offending people? Help!

octopus

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 5:30 pm

you most definitely can put your foot down on kids holding your baby. Absolutely. It's the adults that will be the harder bunch. As for that, I would say, hold a huge bottle of purell and be a meshugane about whoever holds the baby better purell. or you don't get to hold the baby. Remember- this is your child. It doesn't matter who gets insulted. And if you don't want anyone holding the baby anymore, just excuse yourself and say you have to feed/diaper the baby.

amother

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 5:33 pm

Keeping a purell pump on hand definitely sounds like a good idea! Thanks, I didn't even think of that one.

Oh, and did I mention these people can be persistent? I am not even such a pushover in general but somehow whenever it comes to these particular relatives I end up doing or talking about things I'd rather not. embarrassed

For example, they would totally hang around long enough that no amount of feeding/diapering/napping would excuse us Rolling Eyes

amother

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 5:36 pm

hi,
im in a similar position and have similar worries. I plan on having purell all over the place and telling people that NO ONE, including my parents and in laws, will be allowed to hold the baby unless they wash up clean. its akward as anything to tell people no, or insinuate that their hygene is not up to your standards but my attitude is, im the mother, its my baby and im not interested in dealing with a sick baby chas v'shalom. I dont want to insult anyone, but id rather have someone insulted then a sick newborn. make sure ur DH is on the same page as you, and will enforce the same rules. especially now when its flu season and people are getting sick right and left. my nieces and nephews will have to wait until the baby is a little older to go near it, and anyone (adults included) who has so much of a sniffle will be held off. remember your childs health is most important. say it with a smile, and tell them its not personal its your rule for everyone and anyone!!

amother

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 5:40 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

Wear your baby. Its a lot harder for people to touch the baby while in a wrap or sling.

Another good point, but isn't it kind of strange to have the baby in a carrier when you're just hanging around the house having just given birth? Family Chanukah get-together is at my mom's, and I HOPE to be there recuperating at the time! (or maybe the baby will just stay in through Chanukah, maybe THIS is why it's taking so long...)

I DEFINITELY plan on doing that as an action plan when going places though. Fortunately I don't think we have many places to go in the near future... but it's a neat trick.

shlomitsmum

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 5:50 pm

amother wrote:

For example, they would totally hang around long enough that no amount of feeding/diapering/napping would excuse us Rolling Eyes

I carried Purell and had people do this before touching the baby! better safe than sorry Very Happy

..Blame it on flu season and your doctor Twisted Evil

No Kissing the face was my rule ...head was ok Wink

We still caught H1N1 later that year Rolling Eyes

MaBelleVie

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 6:43 pm

I completely understand where you're coming from. When I had visitors over whom I didn't really want to be handling the baby, I would let them "meet" the baby for a couple of minutes. Then I gave some feeding/diapering excuse, and escaped to my room while dh or another family member entertained. If the baby was asleep (which newborns generally are), I left him in the room and went back to my guests, telling them that he was so comfortable on the bed that I left him there.

If the baby was up, I held him the entire time- people won't just grab him out of your arms, the way they would out of a bassinet. If they asked to hold him and I wasn't comfortable with it, I said something about him being tired/gassy/hungry/cranky, and now isn't the best time.

So yes, there are ways of making people feel included while avoiding contact with the baby! Be creative Wink

mama2many

Sun, Nov 28 2010, 8:43 pm

Don't forget to keep the baby's hands covered (mittens/socks) to keep people from touching them. You won't believe the idiots that think nothing of touching a baby's hands after they've wiped their nose/touched money/etc... to freely pass on all those icky germs.

My dh and best friend still laugh about how manic I was/am about keeping people/kids away from my babies!!! I generally stay away from crowds (including family events) the first 6-8 weeks. My pediatrician told me that infants should NOT be brought into crowded/enclosed areas I.e shuls/malls/restaurants for the first 6-8 weeks. He told me the number of infants getting spinal taps for fevers was on the rise. They don't have the ability to fight off infections AND and infant (under 3 months) with a fever will NEED to be spinal tapped and an ER/hospital visit until the cultures come back clean.

Ask me how I know about the spinal tap/hospital stay. B"H she ended up fine but it was an $11,000 bill to find out.
Good luck and Bshah tovah

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Nov 29 2010, 12:16 am

The baby wearing is a great idea.

But I also don't understand why you feel the need to accommodate these people.

"Thank you all so much for coming, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and need to lay down, especially since the baby is napping too."

Then show them the door.

Or 'Baby needs to be nursed and out down for her/his nap and I usually rest when s/he does. Thank you so much for coming by."

And show them the door.

abound

Mon, Nov 29 2010, 12:46 am

I guess it is easier for me since my parents and paternal grandparents are the same way. When they come to visit they will not go near the baby without washing up with soap and water. They would never come if anyone had as much as a sniffle and no one gets to touch the baby. I just blamed it on my upbringing. Sorry, I was brought up to be paranoid around a baby so humor me and wash your hands with soap and water. Hey sorry, I know you know how to handle a baby but since I am so paranoid no one holds my baby till their in highschool. In the beginning I am sure they were insulted but by now (5 babies later) everyone knows I have a hangup, they think it is weird but accept it.

SavtaHelen

Mon, Nov 29 2010, 2:05 am

If your baby is a new newborn, up to two weeks old or so, I just wouldn't attend a family gathering with him or her.
I don't know where you live, but if it is chilly, you have every reason not to bring the baby to a crowded, stuffy, possibly overheated environment.

OTOH as the savta, I would be terribly hurt if I couldn't hold my own grandchild. I might also be put off if told to use the Purell. If however, I saw my DIL using it herself before touching her child, or after changing her diaper, I would follow her lead.

Set the example of the behaviors you want others to follow.

Good luck and have an easy birth!

SavtaHelen

Mon, Nov 29 2010, 2:06 am

Raspberry

Mon, Nov 29 2010, 3:41 am

I think that all the tips so far are very good... especially babywearing because then you really can control how close people get to the baby. But in general, I don't think that people touching the baby is a big concern. I let people hold/touch my infant because 1) most people don't put their hands right in the eyes/mouth, 2) With sleep deprivation and no time for myself I wasn't convinced that I was any more hygienic than anyone else and 3) I figured that nursing would sold most other problems
good luck, and may you have a happy and healthy baby!

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Nov 29 2010, 4:14 am

Raspberry wrote:

There's people and then there's people.... anyone who comes over with sniffing kids is not the kind of people I want around my newborn. Both the parents or the sniffling kids, thankyouverymuch.