baby home alone? | Imamother

Fox

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 11:10 am

I think the OP probably gets the idea that leaving the baby in the care of a baby monitor is not a good plan -- something she realized herself, but just needed some confirmation.

Without hijacking the thread, I'd like to present something for all the mothers of young children who say that they would never, ever, no matter what do something like that.

My kids are all pre-teens or teenagers, and I notice something very disturbing. Many of the same parents who, when their kids are small, refuse to compromise in any way on safety . . . suddenly seem to lose interest in the whole issue when the kids get older.

I have a neighbor, for example, who went ballistic over the admittedly bad idea of "double-buckling" (putting two smallish children in the same seatbelt -- this was before carseats were required until bar mitzvah!). However, after reaching the age of 10 or 11, her kids could be routinely seen bicycling without helmets, rollerblading in the in the street, etc.

Another parent of one of my DD's friends was super-concerned about safety and health when his kids were small, but now they not only bicycle with helmets, but the dad thinks it's perfectly reasonable for his daughter to walk around the neighborhood by herself after dark.

These are two examples, but I could provide dozens more. It just seems that many parents put all their koach into keeping their infants and toddlers safe, but lose steam when the kids get older.

So pace yourselves. Keep your kids safe. But don't spend so much time and energy on the infant/toddler years that you're too tired to address safety issues when the kids are older.

lizard8

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 11:22 am

I don't get the big deal here. It is not ideal, but a good backup plan. If a neighbor has a monitor AND is checking up on the child every so often, its pretty ok. In many cases, it is harder to hear the child two floors apart from you in a house, than a child the next apt. over. I doubt people stay on the floor where their child is sleeping and shelp them around the house when they have things to do.
I have 'babysat' for a neighbor a few times. I feel that checking up on the child every so often is more than people do while they are sleeping at night. Sadly things happen while you are sleeping, and many times you don't wake up from it. Fire doesn't make noise, and neither do burglars or kidnappers(it depends how good they are).
Don't kill me for my opinion...btw I never did this.

observer

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 11:26 am

lizard8 wrote:

if your kids are two flights up in the same house, I would hope u use a monitor at home. but its still different than a neighbor. the steps are open, no locked doors, you go up and down, and they are on your mind.

if you have to leave, get a babysitter. safety comes first

Mama Bear

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 11:54 am

taking a shower while youre kids are in the crib is the same thing as leaving your kids in the crib in a different room. You dont have to be able to hear your kids 24/7. And if you take a monitor with you into the shower, it's just like being in the kitchen cooking or the couch reading.

what do you ladies do when you have to take an older child off the bus, and the baby has finally fallen asleep?

be good

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 12:21 pm

thank you all for bringing up important points! now I see why I was concerned. a mothers intuition is significant, even if she cant put her finger on it. better safe than sorry. you may be able to see from the tone of my original post that I honestly wasnt seriously considering the idea, but I wanted to hear what others had to say on the matter.

louche and otherthehill- your posts were totally inappropriate.
you have so much concern for my baby, (who I take vary good and meticulous care of,) and yet you have no problem abusing me and my husband. opinions can be expressed in a positive and caring tone, or as an angry attack. please think carefully before you speak. that was very hurtful.

shmoozer

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:00 pm

I live in an apt that has a shared entrance with my upstairs neighbor - so that is really like one apt, cuz she would open her door, and I would open mine, and we would lock the outside door. We did this all the time until one day I went upstairs just the check on the baby, and I saw a plastic bag over his head. the kid was almost dead. since then, I learned the hard way, that if I want to go somewhere, either I take my child and put him to sleep at someone else's house, hire a babysitter, or take turns with dh. this is your child's life we are talking about. and what if there is a fire, and she heard the alarm? who would your neighbor grab first - her kids from her own apt, or run down the hall to grab your kid? children are a responsibility. once you have them, your life doesn't belong to you only, so if you won't be able to go to the party, then thank Hashem hundred times that you're not going because your son is sleeping - and not because you're hooked up to any machinery!

Mommy3.5

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:02 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

I wake the baby up. I do it EVERYDAY. Leaving my younger child home alone is not even in my thought process...

shmoozer

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:03 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

who takes a monitor into the shower? if the kid is sleeping, I check up on him, make sure he's ok, nothing dangerous around him, and go take a shower. how long does that take - 10 mins? I'm in the house for heavens sake! and maybe I should take turns with dh being up at night listening to the monitor!...

shmoozer

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:05 pm

Mommy3.5 wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

I wake the baby up. I do it EVERYDAY. Leaving my younger child home alone is not even in my thought process...

huh? to do down to the bus - like to your own driveway, you WAKE UP YOUR BABY?!?!?

Raisin

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:25 pm

those of you who don't shower while your baby naps, (!) do you and dh take turns sleeping at night so someone is always awake? becasue one doesn't make sense without the other.

Fox, I definately agree with you about parents getting more lax as they get older and more tired! But it's also as kids get older they develope free will and the ability to disobey parents. and while its easy enough to strap a reluctant kicking 2 year old into a booster seat, fighting with your thirteen year old over the necessity of wearing a bike helmet may be beyond many parents energy levels.

imaima

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:29 pm

louche wrote:

imaima wrote:

no I don't shower when I am home alone with the baby.

Golly, that brings back memories of putting the baby in an infant seat on the bathroom floor while I bathed. Yeah, I'd bathe, because then I could leave the shower curtains open and keep an eye on the baby.

Right, except she is way to active to stay in an infant seat.
And then, I can't leave her unattended in the playpen for 10 minutes because 1) she will scream for all of those minutes, and b) what is there's a fire? (never mind that fire would burn the bathroom too - no, it's baby's safety we are talking about!!!)

That leaves me with not so many showers taken.. Which is ok... Unless I am going to be bashed for that, too Rolling Eyes

Ema of 5

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:33 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

Wait, so everyone still hasn't answered me. How do you bring your groceries into your apartment? Do you really make your kids (assuming you have an infant and a toddler) come in and out with you to bring in the perishables? I usually have at least two loads that really have to go inside right away, at least in the summer - milk, cheese, meat, chicken, frozen goods. What I try to do is to time it that I get home from the grocery store, put the baby down for a nap, and then race back and forth from the car. Do you only go shopping when your dh is home?

Or rather, I should ask, how much is your dh home?? My dh goes out to learn at night (and I'm assuming this is true of at least many imamothers), which means that he's home essentially for dinner and then late at night. I'm not shopping then, and I would be exhausted if I stayed up every night for him til late just to take a shower (especially when nursing a newborn or infant in the middle of the night).

I just can't imagine what I would do if I felt like I couldn't leave my kid in the crib for 30 seconds, especially sleeping, to run out to the car.

my husband is NOT HOME at night- monday tuesday and wednesday he comes home not before 8:30 but usually closer to 9:00, and sometimes after. on tuesday he goes to learn at 9:15 and thats usually the last time I see him unless I am awake when he gets home. monday and wednesday he goes to daven at 10:00 and doesnt usually come home till about 11:15/11:30 (he learns afer) and on thursday he doesnt even get home before 10:00. I take my shower after I put the kids to sleep (although sometimes I do it when he comes home after davening) I hate taking showers too late because then I cant sleep and my pillow gets wet. if I go shopping I bring my child/ren in and then go to get the groceries. I usually back the car up tpo the garage door and then bring everything in that way. I am not on top of my kids every second of every day. my baby goes into the playroom and plays by herself sometimes. all of the dangerous toys are out of her reach with no way for her to get them, and I look into the playroom every so often to check on her.

momtomany

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:36 pm

hyper-vigilance is not necessary.
common sense is a must.
do you shlep out all your kids from the car when you need to pick up a child from the front entrance of the school? twice if going to pickup at 2 schools?
I can just imagine...
my rule is if I can see the car from where I am, I have no problem leaving the child in the car so long as the weather is moderate. if its slightly warm I leave the side door wide open for air.

in extremely cold weather its safer to leave the child inside the car out of the biting wind, than to take him out with me over and over again.
I leave the kids in the car (buckled) or in the house alone (in a safe place), while shlepping groceries. its not that terrible of a thing to do, you'll be back within a minute, anyway. and the door is left open so you'd hear if they started crying or anything.

I think I am perfectly normal so although I want to post under amother for fear of backlash, I'll stand by what I say and use my own name.

imaima

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:43 pm

munchkin wrote:

HAven't you heard the new theory about 84th trimester? Even though your baby is born after the 3rd, you need to shlep him in your arms until he is 21!!!!

AlwaysGrateful

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:49 pm

munchkin wrote:

hyper-vigilance is not necessary.
common sense is a must.

Thank you, munchkin.

If you have a house full of kids, would you let some of your older kids go down to a basement playroom to play by themselves? How could you do that? Let's say there's a fire and you can't get to them in time??!?!?!

The responsible thing to do is to keep all of your kids in the room with you at all times so that they are always adequately supervised. Get a large one-room house - it's worth it for your kids' safety!!

/sarcasm

There's a big difference between leaving your child in a stroller, alone, outside of a store for twenty minutes, and leaving your child in a crib, sleeping, for thirty seconds while you run outside to grab some groceries.

Refraining from the first is responsible parenting. Refraining from the second...sounds like paranoia to me? Unless you live in a neighborhood where it's that common for a thief to break in to your home?

Ema of 5

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 2:52 pm

observer wrote:

lizard8 wrote:

I used to live in a two family house. there was the outside door, and then an entry way with a door to each apartment. if I had to go out and was unable to get a baby sitter, my neighbor and I would both leave the door open and whoever was home would go check on the other ones child every once in a while.

Mommy3.5

Tue, Nov 30 2010, 3:07 pm

shmoozer wrote:

Mommy3.5 wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

I wake the baby up. I do it EVERYDAY. Leaving my younger child home alone is not even in my thought process...

huh? to do down to the bus - like to your own driveway, you WAKE UP YOUR BABY?!?!?

If the bus stopped at my house I would wait at the front where I could hear the baby cry. I live on the first floor. I would never leave my child 3 flights up and go to the corner to meet the bus. It happens to be my kids bus stop is across two streets, No way in HELL I leave my baby home alone while I get them.

I most certainly would not even think to go to a party 2 blocks away for two hours while my baby was in his crib.

I would take a quick shower while my kid was sleeping, I do not equate that to shpatziring down the block to wait for my kids...