My daughter is constipating herself!!!

5S5Sr7z3

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 2:17 pm

I need help from smarter mommies than me LOL.

My daughter is nearly 3, and constipates herself. She is too lazy to sit on the toilet and do her business for 5 minutes every day, and then spends a week driving everyone crazy screaming hysterically that her stomach hurts. She is driving me insane. She wont eat anything (raisins, apples, grapes) or drink anything (prune juice, even mixed with apple juice) that will make her go. Reminding her to go doesnt help - she sits for 2 seconds and jumps off saying that she doesnt have to go. I cant deal with this anymore. She sits on the toilet for HOURS (literally!!!) and G-d help us if anyone else needs to go - that's when she does it in her panties, cuz we took her off the toilet. I'm losing it. I've tried charts. I promised her treats and prizes (she just said 'so what? I dont want anything). When she sits in the toilet, she sits there screaming at the top of her voice. I have a smashing headache. ATM I told her not to talk to me cuz I'll probably lose it if she does. A relative suggested taking her to a doctor, but she does this on purpose and she told me so!!! Yesterday I caved and got her suppositories - she was running around crying her eyes out AND HOLDING IT IN till the last second!!!!!

At this point, she doesnt even want to drink milkshakes or things like that, cuz I usually sneak in some Metamucil or something (it doesnt alter the taste, I've tried it so I dont know what her problem is). Guess going #2 is just too much effort for her! Oh, she does this to everyone, not just me. Her playgroup morah's are pestering me to do something about this... But I'm at a loss!

amother

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 4:05 pm

It's interesting, I just watched an episode of supernanny on hulu where the parents were dealing with a four year old who refused to eat properly or go the bathroom. It was so bad that he was anemic! They solved teh problem by dealing with it like any behavioral issue; with discipline.
If the boy refused to eat or go the bathroom, he was sent to a time out for four minutes. They also spent time at the beginning distracting him as he sat on the toilet, telling him stories, talking about trains... Within a few days, they starting 'weaning' him off the distraction so that he could learn to go by himself.
You can check it out, it's season 7 episode 5, the Van Acker Family.
Good luck!

5S5Sr7z3

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 6:05 pm

thanks - I think I'll go look for that episode. In the end, I did put her into a time-out, but I told her it was for screaming, NOT for not going (I'm really scared of traumatizing her), and whaddaya know - the minute I forced her off the toilet I plopped her right back on cuz I knew that's when it would come. Phew! She eats fine, but she figured out which foods will make her run and those she doesnt want to eat. I also mixed a metamucil vitamin into applesauce, and I guess she was freaked out enough to eat it. At least that much.

amother

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 7:32 pm

I'm not sure if this has anything to do with your child's problem, but I'll share my son's story. When my son was little, he had a terrible time having a bowel movement. He didn't need to go, then couldn't, refused, cried, screamed, was in agony, you name it. Every night he'd scream for an hour or more until he'd finally go and try and be successful. We saw the doctor many times and tried a behaviorist. (The doctor also checked for fissures, which cause pain, so the child will withhold.) Finally, we were sent to a pediatric gastroenterologist! The poor child was not only constipated, but impacted...ie, he could eventually go, but only after a lot of pain and absolute need... It literally took years of meds, to get him on track.
While I had some very stubborn kids when it came to using the bathroom, this was different..Just putting this out there, to be sure that there is no physical reason why your daughter is not willing/trying to go when needed.

sneakermom

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 8:22 pm

I would definitely check it out with a doc as amother above's story illustrates.

A few thoughts. She seems to be afraid of losing control....and then somehow always loses control in the end. How is she doing in other areas? Did she have a period of time that she went normally to the bathroom?

What if you would reflect back to her how she is feeling. "You are very scared to have a BM, you sit a lot on the toilet....and then surprise it comes when you get off". "That must feel scary". "You want to hold it...but you want it not to hurt".

Can you try ignoring the whole thing. Being very cool and removed about it....but offering your validating reflections as things progress. "Now it's very painful....I'm so sorry it hurts you so much".

Also, certain activities are more "loose" and can help a retentive child chill and relax more. Such as, finger painting, any paint, water play, sand play, clay dough etc. Water play is especially good.

You can also get a little dollhouse furniture set of a bathroom, sit with her on the floor, and just allow her to lead the play with little people. If you do this enough times, her mixed feelings, fears and thoughts about this whole matter will surface in the play. You should get completely involved with her, following her lead, and offering reflections of her feelings as mentioned above. This can be a medium for her to work through the mixed feelings she has on the matter. It really works.

Hatzlachah Rabbah! Let us know how things go.

hadasa

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 2:11 am

First of all, you have to realize that it's not her fault, nor is it just laziness. She probably has some kind of fear of going to the bathroom (maybe because it's painful to her) which is why she holds it in until the last moment. That creates constipation and more pain, in a vicious cycle. Even if she wants to go, the fear is keeping her from relaxing and letting go. I do NOT think time out and discipline is the solution.
One of my kids had a similar problem. Personally, I put a diaper on him when he needed to go. He would still get hysterical and panicky when it would come out, but at least there was no pressure to sit /get up. Eventually, when he became more regular and wasn't afraid of the BM's anymore, we tried again on the potty and eventually on the toilet.

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2011, 8:46 pm

I am sorry to hear your child is dealing with this. In order to know how to address the issue properly it would be helpful to try to find out more:
1. Is there a medical reason? ie. pain, impaction (as suggested above)
2. Is this related to a psychological reason? ie. fear of using the bathroom, or Gd forbid some trauma- children who have undergone some sort of trauma sometimes exhibit this behavior as a way of exerting control (subconsciously)

Behavior charts and enticing motivation/prizes may help.

Good luck!

5S5Sr7z3

Wed, Jan 12 2011, 9:09 pm

I spoke to her doc, and I only gave her metamucil a couple of times to get her system going. It worked!! I also started stuffing her with Fiber 1 - I give her a little snack bag of that like 3 times a week. I started leaving little water bottles all over the house, and she's drinking alot. B"H it seemed to have cleared up...for the time being anyway. She does have a fear of going #2, wish I knew why. I started offering treats, and she started going...

Thanks for all the words of encouragement!

bnm

Thu, Jan 13 2011, 9:17 am

IYamWhoIYam wrote:

I think its genetic... my daughter tells me verbally she needs to make #2, sits on the potty but right before it comes requests a pamper.... if I don't give it to her she will eventually make in the potty. we sing and dance and make a big deal till the next time..........