DD will NOT play independently EVER!

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Fri, Jan 21 2011, 12:26 pm

My dd is 22 months old. For the last 2.5 months or so, she just refuses to play independently....ever.

I am losing my mind and feel massive resentment against my child, who basically doesn't allow me to get anything done.

I've tried to be very good about rotating her toys, to keep her interested. I've given her 'adult' items to play with, because she seems more interested in those things (ie. a tzedakah box with coins, cell phone, etc. ) than she does with toys. And I've caved and said "Ok, she can watch TV if it means I get a break". But...to no avail. My kid just won't play alone and won't allow me to cook, clean or just relax a little. She wants to be on me, or destroying our house near me.

Today, for instance, at 2:30 pm, I nearly had a break down because I literally wasn't able to even start cooking for shabbos. So I said "Ok, I'll just try and cook with her around and see what happens". The moment I turned my back, she grabbed bags of pepper and curry and ran through the house shaking them all over the floor! There was literally 2 cups of each spice in each bag. I nearly crumbled to the floor and cried.

I'm snapping at her a lot, I'm losing my cool with my DH and I don't know what to do.

Are all 22 month olds like this?? Do any of them play independently? Even for, like, 15 minutes?!?!? I actually think I'm at the point where I could cook a whole shabbos meal in 15 minutes, if she even allowed me that! But no!

Ruchel

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 10:45 am

Some kids are still too young at that age for that, but if you're losing it, better be stricter and "enforce" some time for yourself - and then be nice and in good mood when it's "her" time!

muss

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 3:02 pm

I have that problem and my daughter is 3. she follows me everywhere and drives me crazy every second I'm not giving her attention.

Savta2010

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 3:23 pm

I know it is extremely difficult and frustrating.

Does she have a highchair, can you put her in with the item you are cook with such as cholent beans and let her play with some, or nibble on a carrot, bang a spatula on a pot whilst you are cooking etc.

octopus

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 5:59 pm

hahahaha- 15 minute attention spans???? are you kidding??? 'aint happening at this age, honey!

savta has some good suggestions. Do you have a cabinet that you allow your kids to play in that is not dangerous? Like a pot cabinet and a metal spoon to bang with.

your dd is totally age appropriate and sounds precocious and absolutely precious! It IS frustrating, but know that this too shall pass! If she likes playing with real objects as opposed to toys (hey! just give my kids a box and they are happy! forget toys!) find something that you are ok with her playing with.

MommytoB

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 7:24 pm

Sounds about right. My soultion was to have more babies so they could play together Smile

But seriously, when I am desperate on Friday and shabbos is getting close, I've been known to captivate toddlers with the TV! Otherwise, they are notorious for their short attention spans.

happy mom1

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 7:42 pm

my dd loves to watch video clips of herself- when I'm really desperate , I set up the computer in front of her high chair, give her a bag of chips, and let her watch herself in action!

Dr. Toes

Sat, Jan 22 2011, 7:55 pm

Start a very strict behavior modification routine!

My dd just switched to a new babysitter and apparently her old one (who was only watching her) was holding her all day so whenever her new babysitter put her down she flipped out into hysterical tantrums. this babysitter was also watching a 4m old and couldnt just hold me 8m old daughter all day... I felt so bad and that weekend I was very strict.

we do not hold her at all and I made her hold her own bottle and when she started to cry when I put her on the floor I would just tell her sternly "no crying, you are fine" and the next week in her babysitting, she was much much better.

I know my baby is much younger and less destructive than a 2yr old but if this worked for her it may work for you. the key is consistency. even when it is just my husband and I home with her, we still do not hold her. kids learn fast and they do very will in a structured environment. it may mean a few days of her not being so happy with you, but you will both be happier in the end.

good luck Smile

HindaRochel

Sun, Jan 23 2011, 8:58 am

She seems pretty normal to me.
At this age I'd keep anything I didn't want her to get into up up and away.
I'd think "What can I put together in ten minutes or less meals.
I'd let her "help" me cook...by shaking a mix of spices from an old spice container onto the chicken for instance (do it when dh is home and can scoop her up and give her daddy time)
If you have an old dish pan fill that with warm water and so "wash dishes" (plactic containers)on the floor.Afterward you can wash the floor with what she has spilled.
Show her how to stack small cans.

Enjoy this while you can it will pass much to quickly. Believe you me.

In the kitchen

Sun, Jan 23 2011, 10:18 am

I was having the same problem with my son, he is just a very active boy kanaina hora...and I really did not want to send him out, but as soon as I started sending him to nursery school it made a HUGE difference. If you can find a place to send her that is not just a playgroup, but where they have a structured program and a set daily routine it might help her tremendously. Now not only do I have those few hours to myself to take care of the house or rest but when my toddler comes home he is so much more calm and cooperative since he already spent most of his day playing with other children, singing songs, learning, reading, going on a walk, playing in the sand box etc.

Strawberry2

Sun, Jan 23 2011, 10:30 am

is she your oldest?

Mama Bear

Sun, Jan 23 2011, 11:06 am

Very normal for that age!!!

When you want to do something relaly imporant/dangerous - like cooking for shabbos - put her in the crib with a bottle, some music, a favorite toy etc for about an hour. That would be the only way I could ever get anything done, besides for relying on lots of Uncle Moishy.

It's the terrible twos...

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