When does the "testing you" age start?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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superjew

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 10:02 am

Sometimes I feel like my 14month old is testing me. I told him not to put that in his mouth & he does, all the while looking at me with sly eyes.
How should I react? I want him to understand my requests. I dont want to give him too much attention when he doesn't obey but I do want him to understand that he has to obey (that is, if he is indeed testing me)
I feel like this is a transitioning age (between baby & child) and I'm not sure how to react correctly.

flowerpower

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 10:06 am

I think if you tell him no or don't do it all day he will not care and keep doing it for attention. He he puts something dangerous in his mouth just take it out and move on, if he says no to something you ask him then do it anyways. You are stronger then him. I hate it when people post that they tell their kid no and the kid just laughs-they don't care. Use other words and then distract him. If he throws a toy a few times in a row just remove the toy without a word-he gets the picture. When my toddler kicks her brother I just remove her from the area without a word, a few minutes later when she returns the kicking is gone.

amother

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 10:11 am

I agree with Flowerpoer.
Here is a parenting blog I read on the subject.
http://dummies4parenting.blogs......html

superjew

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 11:22 am

FP thanks for your response. I do that since he's little since I felt like he didn't understand 'no' & didnt want to over use it either. But my question is, is he at the age of doing things to 'test' me?
Is it that he still doesnt understand? Taking him away from the situation or the item away is a good solution, but is he learning anything? Maybe to stop doing xyz but to listen to my request? To respect what I'm saying? Is he to young for that? Am I expecting too much?
I'm still practicing the 'take him or item away' tactic but I'm just curious if I should change, or if he needs me to change tactics.
Yesterday he was playing with the shades & I took him away from the area & distracted him with a toy, while saying 'we dont play with that' (in a gentle manner).
Two minutes later he went straight back to the shade & played with it, while looking at me with the eyes like 'what are you going to do now'.... I'm just trying to figure out what my reaction should be then. Keep taking him away 10 times?

Merrymom

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 12:03 pm

Kids are so easily distracted. He's too young to discipline, just give him something else or go read him a book or whatever.

mamommommy

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 12:41 pm

14 months old is not too early to be testing you (some kids do it even earlier). "No" is actually a very easy word to teach to a toddler. When they are doing something they are not allowed to do (Eg. playing with the shades), you say "No", then physically make them listen to you, and then they've just learned that no means to stop what they're doing. You can say "No shade." or if you want to use a positive command, then "Hands down" in always a nice command, but it needs to be short and simple and you need to immediately make them listen to you so that they learn that when you say something, they have to listen.

You may have to pull him away from the shade ten times, and it may play itself out again and again, but he's testing his limits and you are teaching them to him.

superjew

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 1:02 pm

thanks mamommy! Thats what I needed to hear Smile

You're right, I didnt think about it that way !

shnitzel

Fri, Feb 11 2011, 2:01 pm

He is testing you but they don`t have the impulse control to stop so disciplining can be a waste of time. He`s too young to learn not to do something and if you make a big deal out of it he is way more likely to do it again.

torahtots

Sat, Feb 12 2011, 1:02 pm

He is testing you. I think my DD started testing me at around 6 months!
But I think that saying "No" every time is too negative. It makes him want to purposely do whatever it is you're telling him not to do and it also makes the word "no" lose meaning after awhile. Instead say something positive when you're distracting him, like "let's go read a book" or "let's go play outside." You should try not to use the "N" word unless it's absolutely necessary so it doesn't lose all meaning. When ch"V he's running into the street, THAT'S an appropriate time to yell "NO!"

rovacat

Sat, Feb 12 2011, 2:16 pm

these kids are always testing us. they start early, and don't stop, ever. we always have to be on our toes.
my 2 yeard old ds started waking up in the middle of the night screaming for a popcicle.
lol. it's really hard.

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