Please pray for me and my daughter

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Forum -> Announcements & Mazel Tovs -> Tehillim Needed

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amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:06 am

I left an abusive marriage 3 years ago and my 12yo daughter has continued to treat me the way her father always did (lack of respect, constant insults and put-downs). Now she is refusing to go to school and is threatening her younger siblings and myself with death threats, as well as destroying the house and its contents.

I'm exhausted and can't do this on my own any more.
I've reached the end of my rope and am planning to have her sectioned into psychiatric care this afternoon.

Please keep us in your prayers: Aviva bas Yehudis and Yehudis bas Sarah. Thank you!!!

mama-star

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:15 am

I am so, so sorry. may G-d bless you both.

Hug

amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:17 am

Sending her to a psych hospital is not throwing her away. It is taking a positive step to help her and the rest of the family. She needs a lot of help to learn healthy behaviors and this is the first step. There are not many choices of schooling for a teenager who needs a therapeutic environment. You might speak to Rabbi Wallerstein in Brooklyn or Rabbi Greenwald in Monsey for ideas. My thoughts are with you.

amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:18 am

I've been there and done that. You could pm me for ideas. Hatzlocha!

amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:33 am

OP
Thank you for all your support. My ex is being no help whatsoever, and I have no family nearby to support me. My ex blames me for her issues, but won't have her to live with him because it's too tying!!! Exploding anger

amother: I can't pm you through amother :-(

I'm about to attempt to get he into the car to drive to the hospital... Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for the next few hours...

amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:43 am

which hospital?

amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:45 am

The local pediatric one, here in Podunk, OOT Smile

Yocheved84

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 8:51 am

Love and prayers,
Yocheved

Last edited by Yocheved84 on Wed, Feb 16 2011, 11:37 am; edited 1 time in total

4Sisters

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 11:35 am

You both are in my thoughts and prayers. It really could be the first step towards saving her life and your family's relationship.

However, if she knows where you are going, she could very well try to jump out of the car or something else serious. You may need to consider calling an ambulance.

Wishing you strength to get through this difficult time....

ChossidMom

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 12:11 pm

Hugs and prayers!!

chumz

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 12:28 pm

I said tehillim for you and will continue to say tehillim for both of you. I'm glad you clearly realize that this is not your fault, and that you cannot do this alone anymore. She clearly has some very intense feelings that she cannot cope with. Please continue to find support for yourself, through immamother, or otherwise. You'll need it. You have a very difficult situation. Try not to take anything she says personally. That's often difficult amidst all the other difficulties, but it's important to try to achieve. When she says, "I hate you . . . you're the worst mother, etc," she really doesn't have the language and awareness to express what she is really experiencing, like "I am so, so, so angry and wish I could cope with this situation" whatever the situation might be. I know this because I have a fifteen year old son who struggled in this way. Baruch Hashem, with some anti-anxiety medication (short term for about 15 months when he was in sixth/seventh grade) and some other help, he is now thriving. Do what you need to do, and don't allow any time or space in your life for anyone (obviously not including your children) who is not a positive and supportive force for you.

amother

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 4:51 pm

OP here.

Thank you to everyone for your support. The hospital were great. They didn't section her, but they tranquilized her and spent a long time listening to us and really took it all very seriously. They eventually sent us home with an emergency number I can call overnight if necessary and an appointment tomorrow morning with a pediatric psychiatrist to discuss a care plan and long-term treatment for her.

A friend who lives near the hospital came to the ER and took my younger kids to her house for several hours and fed them, then brought them back to the hospital when we were done.

I'm drained and exhausted, but finally feel we're getting somewhere after years of struggling and not being taken seriously! And the wait in the ER at the children's hosptial was surprisingly short (<1hour), although we were there over 6 hours in total and saw 3 different doctors (2 peds, 1 psych).

Please keep davening that we are able to get a decent care plan in place now and that things finally settle down with her. And thank you for all the prayers so far. I'll update after the appointment tomorrow.

shosh

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 6:10 pm

Good luck to you!!!! And hang in there ...

mimivan

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 6:18 pm

davening for you and your daughter

mirror

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 6:27 pm

You are doing the right thing.

sped

Wed, Feb 16 2011, 7:49 pm

May Hashem give you lots of koach.

Blimi

Thu, Feb 17 2011, 4:56 am

Yashar koach to you for having the courage to go through with this!
I'm sure it is one of the most painful decisions you have ever made, but you have done the right thing - for her, for your other children, yourself and for our society.
Why do I say our society? Because each parent who doesn't face up to their child's psychiatric problems indirectly causes many other people to suffer for years to come as a result - including their future grandchildren.
May Hashem bless you with a new beginning of healing!

life'sgreat

Thu, Feb 17 2011, 9:21 pm

snood

Fri, Feb 18 2011, 6:25 am

Just wanted to say kol hakavod that you managed to get away from your ex.

That is not an easy thing to do

If you did that I know you will have the koach to get through this.

Sending her for psychiatric care (not locking her up) is the right thing to do.

You should also have some sessions ideally with the same group that is treating her and learn better ways to respond to her and deal with her behavior, that in conjuction with therapy will go a long way.

There are many schools equppied to deal with various issues. I don't know what your hashkafa is but often the more modern schools have proper programs.

bhatzlacha you will get through this.

yummydd

Fri, Feb 18 2011, 9:37 am

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