I hate my 6 year old son!

amother

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 1:06 pm

maofboys wrote:

ritalin is not a tool to help him cope. if he is having trouble communicating ritalin will not help him learn to express himself, if will just help everyone around him not have to deal with it. I think it is necessary in some cases but only if it is a means to an ends not the cure itself.

I agree - please DO NOT DRUG YOUR CHILD SO YOU CAN COPE!!!! he sounds frustrated. Have you tried making special you and him time once a week or even once a day - 10 before bed time sit down and talk with him about his day etc....

sneakermom

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 1:53 pm

I think your child definitely needs to be evaluated by a professional that specializes in children and psychiatry. Some kids exhibit the kind of behavior you described because they have mood issues, they become very needy, demanding and exhibit outbursts of anger. It is so important to get a proper diagnosis so that you can really know what you are dealing with. That is the only way you can find the best way to treat him.

It is important to do it now, when he is young so that this doesn't just snowball as he grows.

You are only human and normal. It might help also to hire a mother's helper, or high school girl to come by in the afternoons and spend alone time with him. This can give you a breather while also giving him the personal attention he craves.

The omega 3's are a great idea. It's also very important for kids to get enough vitamin D (sunlight). Is he outside during the day? Can he be outside more.....I know it's the winter but it does make a big difference.

Also exercise helps a lot. How much physical activity does he get to do in a day?

And finally limit setting is important but you will need some guidance with that, because of the specific issues of your child.

Find out what is the underlying cause of the behavior, seek out a competent professional - so that you get a proper diagnosis not juts the generic "adhd" that is handed out blindly.

Wishing you a lot of luck!

Capitalchick

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 2:30 pm

amother wrote:

maofboys wrote:

How on earth can you say this?!?! What if the OP's son truly has a severe disorder that can be regulated with proper medication?!?! The only fair thing to say is that he should be properly evaluated so as to determine whether medication or parenting/behavioral remedies are the most appropriate course of action. But to tell the OP to not medicate her son is simply unfair and totally unwise. You don't know what you're dealing with when it comes to her son. How can you speak so categorically? There's a good chance that medication is precisely what this boy needs, and that you would be severely handicapping him by withholding it from him!

leomom

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 6:24 pm

I am heartened to read that a few posters mentioned the L word (love).

My first question for you, OP, was going to be: How often do you hug and kiss your son?

It's so hard when they are difficult. I know. I have a difficult son, too. Be ready for years ahead of extra everything - extra attention, extra attempts at whatever might help, extra investigating into what makes him tick and what throws him off center. Expect it and try very hard not to resent it. This is your child, this is your specific parenting challenge to deal with and to rise above.

But with all of the things to do and try, don't lose sight of the #1 most important tool in your arsenal, which is the humble hug, accompanied by lots and lots of words of love - in person, in writing (notes on his bed, notes in his lunchbox - pictures and smiles and hearts if he can't read yet), on the phone... whenever and however. Every day, many times a day.

If he's been difficult and you're still seething, remind yourself that you're the sweet, loving mom and your job is to say and do the sweet, loving thing. Say, "Sweetie, I'm sorry we've had a hard time. I'm glad it's calmer now. I love you so much and I want you to feel calm and happy." If he's in the middle of being out of control, you can try saying, "I love you but you are driving me cuckoo. Please stop yelling." Or something like that. He might not hear. It might be better to wait. But don't give him negative, resentful, angry messages (verbal or non-verbal) either. Be neutral, keep trying, wait it out, respect his space - whatever it takes to get through that episode.

Over time, your nonstop love and affection WILL make a huge difference. It might take years, with ups and downs along the way, but he will grow through these phases and come out a mensch in the end! And he will thank you for being such a wonderful mommy when he was not an easy kid to raise.

About ritalin - wait. He is six years old, with so much growing up to do. Medication has side effects. Try everything else. Spend a year doing intensive love therapy!!! You have nothing to lose! Sometimes we think our kids should know how much we love them because of all of the things we do for them, but they really take that stuff for granted. They need to feel the love with hugs and kisses and lots of "I love you."

And give your other children tons of love, too, of course!

I really understand what you are dealing with. I am years past where you are, though, so I can see the bigger picture. Hope this helps.

paprika

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 6:45 pm

marina wrote:

amother wrote:

Please get John Rosemond's books, check him online.

I did not write this. But we use those methods for whining and it helps. It would help way more if I was more consistent with it.

When I say to my 5 & 7 year olds, you are whining, you are losing a check, it stops them midwhine. Generally I am too soft and only say this after the 5th time they whine, but I should do it the first time. Thanks for the reminder.

Marina, you don't look that soft in your picture!!

Merrymom

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 7:54 pm

Whininess is learned behavior. Every time that you give in it reinforces that this is the way to get things. I sometimes imitate the tone of voice that my children use and say "Does this sound nice, would you want to listen to somebody that sounds like that?" I really think they don't even realize when they're being whiny. Additionally, the more he irritates you the more you withdraw from him, and more unloved he feels which makes him only even more whiny in a desperate attempt to get some attention from you. Instead of giving in show him how you would like him to talk to you by repeating what he says but in a nice way. So for example if he says "Mommmmmmmmeeee, you nevvveeeeer get me a knapsack like Moishy has, I waaanttttt a knapsack" you repeat "ahhhhhhahhaaaaaaa" mimic his exact tone of voice and then look at him. "Does that sound like a big boy?" "Should Mommy talk to you like that?" Keep on doing this and it'll slowly change. Not right away, so don't expect instant results as habits are hard to break. As for ritalin, there's so many negatives with that, don't use it if you don't need it. I even heard just recently that it makes kids develop se xual feelings prematurely. I can't vouch for that but maybe someone here knows something about that.

leomom

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 9:22 pm

Personally, I would not imitate my child. Instead, I would just say, "I'd like to give you what you're asking for. Please tell me what you want in a pleasant voice." Or I would simply model what I'd like the child to say - for example:

Child: Maaaaaaaa, I toooold you I waaaant mooooooore alreaaadddyyyyyyy, I haaaaaaate when it taaaaakes so looooong.

Me: Mommy, may I please have more?

Child: Mommy, may I please have more?

Me: Sure, sweetie.

(Doesn't work all the time, and only works if I don't sound annoyed when I say it the way I'd like it to be said.)

Bliss

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 9:27 pm

paprika wrote:

marina wrote:

amother wrote:

Please get John Rosemond's books, check him online.

Marina, you don't look that soft in your picture!!

Ha, my thoughts. Marina, you sound so strong minded in your posts!

amother

Mon, Feb 28 2011, 11:33 pm

Capitalchick wrote:

amother wrote:

maofboys wrote:

Based on the info the OP gave it sounds like a typical child looking for attention. I find it disturbing that so many people are willing to drug a child for a 'behavioural problem' when all they need is a bit more attention. I have a friend who when she was little was diagnosed and treated with ritalin - she was a zombie for a few years just so her parents could have a quiet house....

abound

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 12:43 am

Adults whine a lot too, Just in adult version. (I am so tired, my kids are driving me crazy, etc etc.)
Personally, I ignore the whining tone and react to the child as if he did not whine. If he asked for a cookie, I would give it to him if I would if he did or did not whine etc. It is hard, because then the mom has to work on herself to ignore it and not the child working on himself to stop whining. After awhile the whining lessens considerably. But even if it would not, whining in itself is not bad behavior just irritating to mom. We do not parent our children according to our limitations but only in order so that they can grow up to be good adults.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Mar 01 2011, 7:15 am

shopmiami -- PANDAS?

To the OP, I don't think your post points to ADHD. I don't think, based on the information you gave alone, Ritalin is the answer.
I have no medical experience in this, but this is my gut instinct from other experience.

Hatzlacha with finding the right method that works for you and your son. It's kind of hard to give you something that will work for something this big on a post so small. There will be a time when you're both happier. May you have the koach to continue showering him with love and patience. It's not easy at all Sad