Naming after a living relative (Ashkenazi)

irrationalrose

Thu, May 05 2011, 1:11 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

The ashkenazi custom is specifically to name after a deceased relative, not to refrain from naming after a living relative, so it is ok from the perspective of the minhag. however, since the other grandmother may not be aware of this detail and could be offended then it would be a kavod habriyos issue and inadvisable to use the name.

side question for all - why is it so offensive to have someone named the same name as you? if your child wanted to name a baby the same name as you would you be upset? if so, why?

Because it is not kavod to have a grandchild called by the same name. Many don't ever call their parents/grandparents by their first names and naming the grandchild with the same name is a living grandparent is a slight to their kavod.

I still really don't get this. Are you talking about a halachic issue of kibud av va'em and not calling your parents by their first names? If you say "sarahleh, come here" I don't think your mother would think you were referring to her. Would you make sure that none of your kids have friends over who may have the same name as your parents lest you accidentally call "yitzie" over for juice and risk offending the kavod of your father?

life'sgreat

Thu, May 05 2011, 1:37 pm

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

It's not about thinking she's being called. It's about having respect for the grandparent and not having your own child with the same name. Having another child over and calling them by that name isn't the same thing.

irrationalrose

Thu, May 05 2011, 1:41 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

life'sgreat

Thu, May 05 2011, 1:54 pm

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

That's an interesting question. Being that I grew up in a home/community where we just don't name after living relatives, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and it would feel odd.

sky

Thu, May 05 2011, 3:22 pm

People don't do it.

A boy I know was given 3 names - one of which was the same as his grandfather - by accident.
They were told to never use the name and it is as if it was never given - it is not used for aliyas to the torah, kesuba, etc, its considered forgotten.

We dropped a second name when naming my dd because its one of my grandmother's names. We were told we should not give the same name.

sky

Thu, May 05 2011, 3:24 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

That's an interesting question. Being that I grew up in a home/community where we just don't name after living relatives, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and it would feel odd.

I'm imagining it could be disrepectuf as in this sitution.

We are at bubby Simi's house.
I then call my daughter Simi to come to me.
Bubby Simi looks up thinking I mean her, and I say "No, the baby".

PinkFridge

Thu, May 05 2011, 4:28 pm

sky wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

That's an interesting question. Being that I grew up in a home/community where we just don't name after living relatives, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and it would feel odd.

That it's disrespectful is a cultural thing. Sephardim wouldn't react that way.
But we really do have to respect our cultural heritage.

natrualgeek

Thu, May 05 2011, 4:35 pm

I am from a full ashkenazi family married to an old sefardic one.
when naming our son we chose to name him after his grandfather (peternal) only my father in law (who is not alove) and his father had the same name.
So we just left out that bit of infor. That our sonis named after his gradfather and great grandfather.
As for with parents. I have an auby (fully ashkenazi even chasidish) who is married to a guy with the same name as her father.
Our grandparents dont care as much as we think they do.
As long as you have the respect to ask and notify them, and get an ok from your Rav you will be surprised to see very few ppl really care.

sky

Thu, May 05 2011, 4:39 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

sky wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

That's an interesting question. Being that I grew up in a home/community where we just don't name after living relatives, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and it would feel odd.

That it's disrespectful is a cultural thing. Sephardim wouldn't react that way.
But we really do have to respect our cultural heritage.

right, in a sepharid household it would be a good thing, in an ashkenazi house is where I meant it could be direspectful.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, May 05 2011, 4:49 pm

My husband and I are Ashkenazi. He is the oldest grandchild of two on his father's side and the oldest of 7 on his mother's side.

When I was pregnant with our first and we found out it was going to be a boy, my husband said he wanted to name after his still-living paternal grandfather. We spoke to our Rav who said it's MINHAG and not HALACHA and if we felt so strongly about it, we could, but he recommended we ask first (which I had all intention of doing anyway). So we spoke with both my FIL and hubby's paternal grandfather and they were fine with it.

life'sgreat

Thu, May 05 2011, 4:52 pm

sky wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

That's an interesting question. Being that I grew up in a home/community where we just don't name after living relatives, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and it would feel odd.

I think it's more about the concept.

Mommy3.5

Thu, May 05 2011, 8:05 pm

sky wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

irrationalrose wrote:

life'sgreat wrote:

Would you feel "disrespected" if your grandchild was named after you while you were alive? If so, why?

That's an interesting question. Being that I grew up in a home/community where we just don't name after living relatives, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and it would feel odd.

This happens on a regular basis by us. And in a sefardic family, its the exact opposite, its a great honor.

maofboys

Fri, May 06 2011, 9:57 am

I wouldn't do it and it has come up in my famiyl to.
and I'm not sure what you don't get we name after the dead, for me naming the same name as a parent or grandparent still alive is SO Disrespectful (I know sefardic is different)

I understand that the OP wants to name after her grandmother but how would you feel if your child used your moms name for her kid while your mom was still living. if this bothers you then don't do it to your dh's grandmother.

Last edited by maofboys on Fri, May 06 2011, 10:14 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, May 06 2011, 10:02 am

maofboys wrote:

I wouldn't do it and it has come up in my famiyl to.
and I'm not sure what you don't get we name after the dead, for me naming the same name as a parent or grandparent still alive is SO Disrespectful and almost cutting their life short. (I know sefardic is different)

I understand that the OP wants to name after her grandmother but how would you feel if your child took your moms name while she was still living. if this bothers you then don't do it to your dh's grandmother.

Even if it were more common in Ashkenazic circles I don't see how anyone would do it without the full-hearted haskama of the living relative. (And if there were any possibility of the relative feeling pressured, then one wouldn't bring it up at all.)

I'm coming from an interesting perspective. A dear family friend asked my parents to use her recently departed mother's name - it's the name I don't use - and my great grandmother, who had estranged everyone was still alive. Though she did use a different form of the name for everyday use. Still, I still feel weirded out about this. There was no one left to ask by the time I found this out.