Seminary girls and yeshiva bachurim not provided with meals!

Motek

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 7:37 pm

chen wrote:

Motek wrote:

Seminary girls and yeshiva boys should be fed by the schools they attend.

I quite agree; however, this is not always the case. there are institutions that basically close down and leave the students to fend for themselves on certain shabbosim and yomtovim. the kids have no choice but to "depend on the kindness of strangers", which is a strain on both the local populace and on those students who are shy and/or embarrassed to ask for favors.

morningstar wrote:

Quote:

Motek writes:

Seminary girls and yeshiva boys should be fed by the schools they attend.

Yes, Motek, they should. But when I was in sem, I was not, and it is not happening today either. I remember the panicky feeling as a teenager, worrying about whether I would get invited before I would be forced to scrounge for an invitation myself, mortified when I was turned down... and the sinking feeling of dread when things fell through at the last minute.
Makes me awfully glad I am not in sem anymore. Looking back, I can safely say that I prefer the role of hostess to the role of guest.

What do you think about this?

newmom

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 7:50 pm

While I don't disagree that it can be a financial strain on the communities that host students, I must say that a tremendous portion of my "learning" came from being a guest at many different people's homes. It gave me much more insight into what real life is about, what qualities to look for in a spouse, observations on interpersonal relationships, how to raise (and not raise) children.....ect. I would not have had these experiences if I had to eat/sleep in school all the time.

morningstar

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 8:09 pm

Newmom, if the schools want to give the students a chance to view homes, they can take some of the tuition money, pay it to families that regularly host girls, and assign girls to the families on a rotating basis.
There is a way to provide this experience without draining the families financially and without making the girls feel like shnorrers.

newmom

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 8:32 pm

Also, I wouldn't have necessarily wanted to go to the homes that my school would have pre-selected. They would have only sent me to only one type of family and I find that that would have defeated the whole purpose.

morningstar

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 8:47 pm

Newmom, in your home-visiting years, did you ever end up at a home that you were very uncomfortable with? Either because you seriously misjudged the frumkeit level. or because it was clear that they were poverty-stricken and could not afford to have you, or because there was tremendous tension in the home ( which perhaps your presence exacerbated)? I could go on... I think there is value in seeing different things, but some experiences, I still feel badly about.
I have had many wonderful experiences in other people's homes.. but others that I feel quite badly about to this day. Some of them could have been avoided.

queen

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 10:01 pm

It bothered me GREATLY that the seminaries charge a LOT of $$$ yet send them out each (most) shabbosim/yomim tovim to eat at other peoples homes.

I spoke to them about sending these families a stipend, however the response was that the families would feel uncomfortable accepting. Personally I thought the response was lame. If they really wanted to give these families some sort of payment for having girls, there are plenty of ways of doing it in a bekovodik (honorable) way.

for ex: chanukah, purim, before pesach etc. along with a note thanking them for giving their students so much over the past few months etc.

They can use their imagination.

Great rant motek, but unfortunately the seminaries aren't moving in this direction.

Motek

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 10:04 pm

queen wrote:

but unfortunately the seminaries aren't moving in this direction.

If the parents footing the bill tolerate it, why should the seminaries change their modus operandi?

melalyse

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 10:06 pm

When I was in seminary I went to homes of people that I knew, my family knew, my friends knew. We weren't just set up. And if we ever wanted to stay in we could. No one ever wanted to stay in. Part of the experience was to see the country and different communities. If someone doesn't have the financial means to host the shouldn't. People that I went to were begging me to come.

Motek

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 10:19 pm

melalyse wrote:

Part of the experience was to see the country and different communities.

Can anyone think of another way that the girls can experience different communities without having to invite themselves?

The seminaries arrange sightseeing tours. They can also arrange Shabbosim for the school like the summer tours do for their girls.

anon

Thu, Oct 05 2006, 10:35 pm

I personally didn't mind finding places for shabbas/Yomtov. I did have friends to do the "shnorring" with so that made it easier, but still... I loved going away for shabbas and Yom tov. If you didn't want to go away, then you had the option of cooking shabbas in your apartment (not all seminaries have kitchens though) which was sometimes really nice and relaxing. AND my menahel's wife was a tzadekes and made it clear that anyone can come have any meals they wanted with their family in their apartment. Every Thursday night and erev Yom tov her apartment was filled with girls helping her cook.

HOWEVER, I did NOT appreciate the fact that the seminary only served us lunch!! I spent a ton of money that year on food for breakfast and supper. Most of my spending money went towards that. And needless to say, I didn't eat the most nutritious suppers that year. Yes, the lunches were like suppers, but it wasn't enough. That really annoyed. me.

chavamom

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 1:05 am

Motek wrote:

melalyse wrote:

Part of the experience was to see the country and different communities.

Don't a lot of places have someone whose job it is to set up girls? I think most places do, but again, girls feel 'nebach' if they have to rely on the school to find a place for them....

realeez

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 3:25 am

Motek wrote:

queen wrote:

but unfortunately the seminaries aren't moving in this direction.

If the parents footing the bill tolerate it, why should the seminaries change their modus operandi?

Probably because there are waiting lists of girls for each seminary so e/o is too scared to complain.
I was in an American seminary and we needed to find hosts for meals but we were much more involved with the community so it wasn't a big deal.
As for Eretz Yisroel, I heard first hand stories of ppl going to really poor people for the "experience", which is just pathetic.

queen

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 7:54 am

Motek wrote:

queen wrote:

but unfortunately the seminaries aren't moving in this direction.

If the parents footing the bill tolerate it, why should the seminaries change their modus operandi?

My request was made as a staff member.

There would need to be a pool of parents complaining about this for even a HOPE things would change.... and for this to happen simultaneously across several large, and popular institutions for it to cause an uproar within administration.

chen

Fri, Oct 06 2006, 9:08 am

morningstar wrote:

this was in fact the tradition in Eastern european yeshivos. It was called "kummen tzu kest", and the bochurim were assigned to families on a weekly basis. depending on the means of the particular host, the bochurim sometimes feasted and sometimes not, but they always had a place to go.