Explaining tznius to 4 year old...

momssr

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 6:04 pm

my daughter is 4 years old (shes the oldest- so its my first time dealing with these issues), and is asking my many questions about tznius which I am not sure how to respond. She sometimes feels like wearing her leggings out and I try to tell her its nicer to wear a skirt, etc.. I dont want to push her too hard either but im not sure howto deal with this or what to say to encourage her and make her feel good about wearing skirts. She asked how come my housekeeper always wears pants- I told her bc she isnt jewish. Today she asked if my neighbour was jewish- so I said yes, so she asked then why is she wearing jeans? what do you tell little girls when they ask these questions? That the others dont know?
Im usually on the ball with these things, but here im abut clued out!!
Thanks for your comments!!

ElTam

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 7:48 pm

With my girls, it has really helped to explain to them that they are each a bas melech. (We don't allow the Disney princess movies in my house, but they know about them anyway and love playing princess.) So, I talk about how when you are princess, you dress in a special, beautiful way. Especially when they get dressed for Shabbos or a simcha, I make a point of saying, "Wow! You look like such a bas melech. Everyone who sees you will know you are the daughter of the King!"

For us, that puts a positive spin on it, rather than a "you can't" spin.

mltjm

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 9:48 pm

What Eltam said. Also, that Yidden have special Yiddishe neshamos that are so precious to us, that need to be covered a special way.

Also, that you keep beautiful things, ie Sifrei Torah, special jewelry etc, wrapped up in special casings, and we do the same thing for our bodies/neshamos. Basically, the same idea as above, but with examples.

The same way we keep kosher and only put special food in our bodies, we only put special clothes ON our bodies.

momssr

Tue, Jul 12 2011, 1:35 am

thanks for the replies.. I do say things like that but what about when she asks about why the OTHER jews dont do the same? thats where im abit stuck. I sometimes say that thay dont know- but im not sure thats the right thing to say? or if there are other ways to explain?

mummy-bh

Tue, Jul 12 2011, 1:47 am

yes, that's the line I use as well, that the lady doesn't know because she hasn't learned how important it is to dress nicely - she isn't lucky like you are.

Marion

Tue, Jul 12 2011, 2:38 am

You could also explain (yes, even to a 4 y.o.) that not ALL Rabbis agree on how a bat melech needs to dress. The only completely common denominator is that one needs to be covered...

Isramom8

Tue, Jul 12 2011, 7:53 am

mummy-bh wrote:

yes, that's the line I use as well, that the lady doesn't know because she hasn't learned how important it is to dress nicely - she isn't lucky like you are.

This.

A 4 year old can relate to the concept of privacy.

shoshina

Tue, Jul 12 2011, 11:02 am

Be very careful about telling her that "the lady doesn't know/didn't learn" because four year old's are wonderful creatures about going up to others and saying "Mommy said you didn't learn about covering yourself up even though you're Jewish" which will leave you in an awkward position.

Rather, say, OUR family and OUR Rebbe think that one of the most important things is to show how special and beautiful a Bas Yisrael is and I agree with following the princess theme until she's old enough to really understand about things like privacy and respect.