Getting DH involved in care- HELP!

Rejuvenate

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 8:14 pm

My seven month old wouldn't stretch her arms twds her father... To her he is a stranger! He is home a lot, smiles to her and would play with her but never takes care of her. He hates changing diapers, when he tries to put her to bed, she barely falls asleep (she only falls asleep being held) and he dreads babysitting! Being that she is breastfed there is even less of an opportunity for him to feed her. (I’m suspecting that he is under pressure of not doing things 100% right?... )

seeker

Sun, Sep 04 2011, 10:32 pm

If he's indeed under pressure of not doing things right, then he needs more TLC. Give him some simple things to do with clear instructions and resist the urge to criticize at all costs.

Wet diapers can be less daunting than poops, so if diapering is an important frontier give him some easy wet ones to do.

Are you very firm about exclusively breastfeeding? Because if you're a crunchy naturalist all around then I won't try to change that at all. But if you're still BF'ing just by default because you haven't gotten around to introducing food yet, food is a good way to get DH involved. Let's just say my DD got a LOT more interested in her father when she realized that he had good sweet things to offer. LOL.

Instead of asking him to put her to sleep all the way, you can put him in charge of a bedtime story. That's pretty hard to mess up and can become a sweet ritual for the long term. While promoting literacy.

Instead of telling him what to do all the time, build his confidence in his own parenting ability. When you do give instructions, give it in a way that will provide a tool for him to do it himself in the future (Instead of "Why are you feeding her, can't you see she's tired?" you can try "Watch her rub her eyes, when you see that it means she's tired and needs her pacifier.")

Also bear in mind that it's fairly normal for a kid this age to have a little mommy obsession. In all likelihood she'll grow out of it within a couple of months. Come to think of it, my DD also had a phase where she would only come to me and there was even a brief time when she cried if DH tried to pick her up! It was heartbreaking. And darned inconvenient. But it passed! Now she loves her dad, she's his biggest fan, though she still chooses me over him sometimes especially if she's tired and wants to nurse. The truth came out when we were by someone else's house - when it was just me and DH she would only choose me but suddenly when there were other people around you bet she knew who her father was! And DIVED for him!