Host Ettiquete | Imamother

amother

Tue, Nov 21 2006, 4:29 am

amother to avoid LH.

We went to a simcha in a different community this shabbat. We where very fortunate that a family who was friendly with the baal simcha agreed to host us and our one year old as well as another couple. We where very greatful, however we encountered a problem. One of the children was not properly educated in privacy boundries. He came into the bedroom early in the moring (while I was dressing shock

) to ask where the baby was. Later in the day when we returned to the house to try to put the baby to sleep, just as DH had her knoding off and was starting to put her in her crib (it took him 20 mins) the boy came into the room again and woke her up. There where no locks on the bedroom door so that was not an option. We tried to explain to the child that we needed to be alone, the baby needs to slepp, etc, but to no avail. We also tried to say something to the parents who seamed to indicate that this was an ongoing problem. The other couple mentioned that the boy also walked into thier room as well. I understand that this is thier house and that I am the one intruding on thier territory, however, if you know that you are haveing this issue, you should be taking steps to stop it, or at the very least warn your guests!

This is not the first time that I have had this happen to me as a guest in someone elses home. I remeber that a few weeks after we where married we went on a shabbaton and the children came in very early in the morning to get thier clothes (again without knocking). As parents who wish to house guest, you should be making sure that all items that the child needs are removed from the room ahead of shabbat if not before they come.

Am I being selfish or is this a common problem?

Raisin

Tue, Nov 21 2006, 6:03 am

I would say if you want a nice quiet Shabbos, either stay home, or go to a Hotel. They are doing you a big favour by putting you up, especially if they have to move their kids. Not everybody is super orginised and can remember on a busy friday to move every sock, tshirt etc that their child may need over Shabbos.

How old was this kid.., it makes a big difference. If he was over 7 or so, it is something he should understand. It sounds like the parents are aware of this and I'm sure they are discipling him. Maybe he is a difficult child anyway.

it is normal for kids to be very interested in guests, especially if they have kids! But my kids know they should not disturb our guests, and they are not allowed in.

If you were paying your hosts $100 a night to sleep there, then maybe you could ask for your money back. LOL

shoy18

Tue, Nov 21 2006, 8:24 am

it really depends on the age of the child, sometimes when thier young you can tell them a thousand times not to do something and when your not looking they do exactly what they were told not too. Its a given if you are staying in someone's house that has children thier will be some intrusion no matter how angelic the children are.

Next time inquire about locks on doors before you agree to be a guest. LOL

TzenaRena

Tue, Nov 21 2006, 9:56 am

LOL. My nine yr. old has to be begged to knock on the door of our guests to get what he needs, he thinks it's wrong to walk into a guest's room even when they aren't there.

Sometimes I might ask a guest to leave the door ajar when they aren't there, so I'll know I can come in to get something if needed. This comes up when guests are staying for a longer amount of time, a week or more, like Tishrei. Because I do try to take out what the kids will need beforehand, but being only human, there are things we don't anticipate, or forget, or sometimes don't have a chance to take out before the guests are here already..

su7kids

Mon, Nov 27 2006, 2:50 pm

I do believe that is lazy parenting. Don't want to tell the child they did something wrong, because it may hurt their psyche and then they won't have good self esteem.

Seriously, there is NOTHING wrong with teaching a child to knock on a door if it is closed, whether there is someone in the room or NOT, and of course, to wait for a response unless they're sure there's no-one there.

Unless the child is handicapped, like with Aspergers or Autistic or something like that, when it is very hard to teach them social skills.

HindaRochel

Tue, Nov 28 2006, 11:55 am

The parents should have given you some sort of system to lock the door. That said, please don't be so quick to judge the parents as having taught the child wrong. It sounds as if the child has boundry issue problems (perhaps mild case of aspergers or even an undiagnosed case of that or something similar.)