Wracked with guilt! How can I calm myself?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 9:57 pm

I am Iy"h due in 2 weeks and I have a 23 month old. He is extremely destructive and while delicious, takes up a TON of energy. So till now he has been home with me. I know that in the long run it is of everybodies best interest to have him out a few hours a day. I have a playgroup set up for him to start Feb 1st but I cannot stop obsessing over the fact that he is still a baby and I am dropping him off by a stranger, and in the same day she will be putting him in a strange room to sleep. I know that a ton of mom's do this and this is the norm but I can't help to think this is some sort of "abuse". How can I be at peace knowing that my precious son is crying in someones house cuz he is so scared and is too young to talk. Is this just a feeling I will get over? Will he survive? Will I survive? The funny thing is he is my 3rd and I have done this before but I just feel horrible like he was my first. Do you know what I mean? Are there any words of encouragement that got you thorough these guilty feelings?

de_goldy

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 10:00 pm

Honestly - I would say trust your instincts and keep him home. It will be more work for you - temporarily. In September he will be more ready for a group setting. Start him then.

amother

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 10:01 pm

OP I was in the same situation as you. I just gave birth and my baby is 25 months and a real baby and needs me 24/7. Even though I felt so guilty I still put him in a playgroup mid September. I did this because I knew that I was going to have a baby and I wanted him used to the place before I had a baby so that he doesn't feel like he was sent out because of the baby. It was the best thing I did. For the first three weeks he cried every day. Now he screams in the morning to go. If I was you I would not now put him in a playgroup. I think that it's too late to do it now he will feel like it's because of the baby. I would wait a month and then do it. What helped me is that I knew the person running the playgoup and so did my son. I don't know if I would have been able to do it to a stranger.

Good Luck and I hope you have an easy delivery and transition.

runninglate

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 10:02 pm

what makes you so sure he'll cry? Maybe he'll love it. Definitely give it a try!

amother

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 10:03 pm

I agree keep him home if you can Sad

But if you cant you will tell righrt away if he is having a good time or not.. yes he cant talk but does he come home happy?

observer

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 10:06 pm

What I would suggest- if it's very important for you to send him- is to go there with him for an hour or so and then take him home with you. Go again the next day, play for a bit with him there, show him the room where he'll nap, and take him home with you again. Even a third time. This way he'll be much more comfortable there by the time you leave him alone there.

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Jan 30 2012, 10:14 pm

Ask the caregiver to let you phone her on your cell phone to check on how he is doing. She will understand. Tell her to call you on your cell phone if he isn't doing so well, and you will still pay for her service, and come and get him. Your guilt may be more about the normal displacement that is coming. Soon, he will not be the fabulous Youngest, he will join the crowd and somebody else will be the fabulous Latest and Greatest. Well, that's life in a large family. You have a special connection to this one perhaps, which is all fine.

You sound very nice. I wish you were my Mommy. Your kids are all lucky and will do fine.

B'sha'a Tova.

amother

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 10:03 pm

Op here. Thank you for all your replies. I wanted to give an update in case another mother is looking at this thread and in the same situation. I ended up sending him to the playgroup. He bli ayin harah adjusted beautifully. I sent him with his same pillow, blankie, bottles and sound machine that he uses in his room. He did great (or atleast that's what she says lol). I drop him off each morning and he runs inside and rips off his coat. I am so grateful to Hashem for it turning out this way.

thatgirl

Sun, Feb 12 2012, 10:05 pm

Ok good bhh just make sure that he stays happy there!

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