leaving a baby alone

mamaloosh

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 5:41 pm

Mindy---
what you said about leaving an 11 year old to babysit for younger siblings AT NIGHT when they're sleeping- here's a TRUE STORY that happened to neighbors of mine:

The parents left their 11 year old to babysit for her SLEEPING younger siblings. While they were gone, another set of neighbors happened to be coming back into the apartment building, and they suddenly noticed the family's ONE YEAR OLD had somehow climbed up on the EDGE of the second-floor balcony ABOUT TO FALL TO THE GROUND BELOW. They tried to reason with the ONE YEAR OLD to get back down into the house, but the kid was just crying and crying. They tried calling the house and banging on the door. This went on for about 15 minutes. Finally a sleepy 11 year old answered the door. Thankfully they got the baby before anything happened, but let me tell you, those parents were freaked. Turns out their 11 year old daughter had fallen asleep and didn't hear her younger brother cry.

Sounds extreme, but it happened!!

We all know how hard it is to get EVERYTHING done with babies, and how tempting it is to call it "wasted time" when the baby is sleeping and you can't do that extra little bit, but it's NOT worth risking the alternative!!

mumsy23

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 11:30 pm

mamaloosh wrote:

And this can't happen with parent asleep in the next room? I mean COMMON!!! Maybe we should take shifts being awake all night in case the baby spits up (which I don't think I would "hear" even if I was up - how the heck do you hear a baby spitting up? Its laughable) or incase the one year old climbs out of his crib and jumps out the window... Rolling Eyes

dr pepper

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 12:17 am

mumsy23 wrote:

mamaloosh wrote:

Perhaps an adult wouldn't have left the balcony door open? I hardly think a 1 year old opened it by himself.

healthymama

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 12:41 am

Here's another true story : Every hour in America, a baby dies due to SIDS, even with an adult in the home. 7,000 babies a year and that is with a parent at home.

Enough of all these 11 year old scare stories. Yes, I agree that a babysitter is needed when the parents are going out at night. An 11 or 13 year old may be responsible enough, depending on the individual child. Similarly, a 20 year old may not be mature enough at all.

Also, JRK - that link that you posted about USA age guidelines basically says that there are only 2 states in the US which have laws about this. The other ones just have guidelines about maturity and so on.

JRK- I also want to state, for the record, that I agree with most of what you wrote. However, very difficult family circumstances do arise and people are sometimes forced into choices they would rather not make.

I do not think that there are any people who leave a child to rush out and come back unaware that what they are doing is risky, dangerous, illegal, etc. They just do not see other options. Helping them to see other options, starting a babysitting co-op in your town, identifying a list of teenagers who are able to babysit on short-notice etc. would be more useful.

shoy18

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 8:16 am

Technology is so advanced that if you tend to go to the neighbor who is just seconds away from your house, then buy a baby monitor with a screen they do make them and if your willing to leave the child alone its the least you can do to make sure god forbid nothing happens while you aren't home.

I might be called obnoxious but stupid is what stupid does!!!!

mimsy7420

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 10:27 am

healthymama wrote:

I do not think that there are any people who leave a child to rush out and come back unaware that what they are doing is risky, dangerous, illegal, etc.

If only that were true.
But the amother who started the thread thinks there is nothing wrong with leaving her baby at home and leaving to do carpool. She maintains that since the baby is sleeping and she has neighbors in her building that there is nothing risky, dangerous and illegal about it. For some reasons she thinks the risks don't apply to her, nor does the law.
And there clearly is something wrong with that.

Ruchel

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 12:02 pm

happymom wrote:

Ruchel u know ppl who leave thier toodlers for a night shock

or a baby for hours??? If I knew of someone like that, id call the police, and im not joking. that is extremely dangerous.

I know, it's really not what I would do... but you know, here in France, you cannot call the police for things like that, they would just say "whatever" I think. I have seen on this board a lady saying she would report the parents if she saw a parent hitting a child. Well... I would have to report about everyone I know, and I would be the nut, mean one. Same for slapping, pinching, pushing... Here you report when the child is full of bruises regularly, or in the hospita with a broken arm. No, I'm not exagerating. I have seen documentaries on parents arrested for ill treatment, they started having problems after their baby had been in hospital 3 times...

I don't agree with this part of my culture, although I don't consider non regular hitting (not beating) abuse as long as it is not happening often. Probably because then I would still have to meet a non abused child, from the non jews to the ultra frum.

adding: it might be an European thing, as the people who come from other countries but settled here are just the same, also "traditional" cultures (frum Jew, Muslim, observant Xtian, black)... have a reputation of hitting a lot. Personally, I have noticed that in my experience this reputation is true. I cannot tell you how often I have seen frum Jews hit their kids. But those who send them to the hospital are Muslims & black mainly, followed imho by observant Xtians who hit VERY hard and aren't afraid of making the child bleed (they say there is a commandment for punishing to this point in Bible, dunno where).

JRKmommy

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 2:08 pm

Healthymama - trust me, I am aware of pressures that families with young children face. I know what it's like to juggle young children, esp. when dh and family aren't around. I also have many, many clients who are single parents, many of whom live in poverty.

That said - what circumstances would require a parent to leave a young child alone? Not alone in a room or spending a moment outside - but actually going away from the home? If I have an example, I can give solutions.

Otherwise - like I said, infant car seats work well for transferring sleepy babies. I also used my soft baby carrier all the time for running around with my baby, while dealing with the other kids. It works great for shopping, or going any place where a regular stroller would be awkward. It also calms babies, so that they can be taken nearly anywhere without creating a fuss. I learned to find all the drive-through banks, all the gas stations with full service or pay-at-the-pump, I found a drive-through pharmacy, I go to the grocery store with the best carts for multiple kids, and I plan my outtings.

chen

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 2:20 pm

[quote="shoy18"]Technology is so advanced that if you tend to go to the neighbor who is just seconds away from your house, then buy a baby monitor with a screen they do make them and if your willing to leave the child alone its the least you can do to make sure god forbid nothing happens while you aren't home.

quote]

do you have any idea how long it takes a fire to spread through a house? Seconds. yes, seconds. when journalists talk about a fire "racing" through a house, they are not being poetic. they are being literal.

so Mama with her hitech baby monitor--which is intended, BTW, to help a mother keep an ear out for her baby's crying while she is in the house, not while she is outside-- can hear her baby scream and she can't get to him through the flames. very comforting, to be sure.

chen

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 2:26 pm

JRK, you are right on. If I had to go out, and I couldn't find someone to stay with the children , then either they came with me or I didn't go. Period, end of sentence, no discussion. In fact, I think it wasn't until they started babysitting for others that I left them home alone. I figured one child alone can get into trouble, but several children together can get into a whole lot more trouble.

ChavieK

Sat, Dec 02 2006, 7:53 pm

Just the other day I got a phone call from my 8 yr old. He wasn't feeling great at school. It was 2:45, he gets out at 3:30 , the baby just fell asleep & he wasn't feeling well either. There was no question about leaving the baby home "for a few minutes" the only question was to ds "can you wait 45 min?"That day he said yes if not the baby would have had to come with me.
Greenfire-you are absolutly right about little kids going to friends houses on their own, or even playnig outside. We never let one child play outside alone. As for how old we let them out w/o adult depends on the child, which other kids are playnig outside who will be responible etc.My baby will go outside with my 8 & 10 yrold & their friends. Someone has to take responsibility handing him off to next person who takes resp.When they are done(usually not too long) they bring him back.

mumoo

Sat, Dec 02 2006, 8:35 pm

sometimes I'll let my 5 yr. go on the block-she thinks she is a macher but I have already called the other mother who is watching for her and I am looking out my door

its a tossup because I want them safe but they have to feel a gradual increase of independence. when I was younger. I walked alone 1/2 mile home from school. it was a great time to be by myself, work out the issues of the day. its hard when the society you live in is too dangerous to let kids out of your sight for a minute. our kids are carpooled everywhere

melalyse

Sun, Dec 03 2006, 10:35 pm

I've had so many discussions about this topic recently. Where I live, everyone lives in apartments and people do some very interesting things with their kids. I personally wouldn't go to knock on my next door neighbors door with my baby sleeping in the apartment. I know someone who would leave their baby sleeping in their apartment on friday night when she went to eat at a neighbor on the next floor. They went to check every 20 min or so. Or going to take out laundry from the machines in the basement of the building. These are all very good mothers that do these things but I really don't understand it. I know someone who lives in a house and will leave her son napping on shabbos day to eat at a neighbor because she knows exactly when he wakes up. I just don't get it.