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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
amother
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 Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:01 pm
so I am so ......
I am making an upshernish, and my dh rav told him that my son should go to the mikvah before. bc some kabalistic thing I don't even understand.
so the problem is, that I am grossed out of a mikvah, why does my son have to go there. to begin with..
besided he is not toilet trained, and my dh has no clue how to put him on a diaper, so how will that work.
so my question is, how do I explain to my dh that this is not an option???
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:13 pm
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Send along a pull up. And send him to a clean mikvah. How do u dunk a 3 yr old w/o traumatizing him? Btw this is the first time I've ever heard of something like this!
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EmesOrNT
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:15 pm
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Both my boys went to mikvah ari before their upsherin. They both were not toilet trained. DH is well equipped to change a diaper. The boys loved it. Swimming, they called it.
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amother
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:22 pm
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its my first and I don't understand how my dh is going to put him in there. but I guess I will tell him it's swiming.....just hope they are not going to see any man there...I don't need him to come home telling me who he saw without cloth...
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Alef Bais
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:24 pm
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WHAT!?!?!! I never heard of such a thing. People really do this?
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amother
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:40 pm
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Excuse this dumb question- but does it mean dunking his whole body in, like his head? That must be terrifying for such a young kid. And how do you explain him to hold his breath under the water?
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Barbara
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 8:53 pm
| amother wrote: | so I am so ......
I am making an upshernish, and my dh rav told him that my son should go to the mikvah before. bc some kabalistic thing I don't even understand.
so the problem is, that I am grossed out of a mikvah, why does my son have to go there. to begin with..
besided he is not toilet trained, and my dh has no clue how to put him on a diaper, so how will that work.
so my question is, how do I explain to my dh that this is not an option??? |
The child's father has never changed a diaper in nearly 3 years?????
Its not rocket science. Show him how. And share the joy, especially if you intend to have more kids.
No comment on the mikvah thing.
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observer
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 9:31 pm
| Barbara wrote: | | amother wrote: | so I am so ......
I am making an upshernish, and my dh rav told him that my son should go to the mikvah before. bc some kabalistic thing I don't even understand.
so the problem is, that I am grossed out of a mikvah, why does my son have to go there. to begin with..
besided he is not toilet trained, and my dh has no clue how to put him on a diaper, so how will that work.
so my question is, how do I explain to my dh that this is not an option??? |
The child's father has never changed a diaper in nearly 3 years?????
Its not rocket science. Show him how. And share the joy, especially if you intend to have more kids.
No comment on the mikvah thing. |
my feelings too.
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the chevrah
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 11:33 pm
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I can't believe people really do this!
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boysrus
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Tue, Feb 21 2012, 11:35 pm
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fascinating, I really never heard of this either. but then again my dh will not go to mikvah except on erev YK, and we also dont have the minhag to do upsheren
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NewYorkgal31
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 12:02 am
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Never heard of this either....but maybe you could somehow arrange it with the mikvah that no one else is their at that time besides your dh and your son. I think it would be very traumatizingfor your son to see a bunch of men at the Mikvah....also do you want a bunch of men to see your son?
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eatingbagels
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 12:09 am
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Does it matter to the other men at the mikvah that boys who aren't toilet trained go in there?
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mummy-bh
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 1:08 am
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my dh took both my boys to the mikva before their opshernish. Actually, he took them to the ohel of the Lubavitcher Rebbe (we lived in England then) and they went to mikva in preparation for the visit. I think one boy went in the water up to his neck, the other only wanted to go in up to his tummy.
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Merrymom
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 9:43 am
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Don't we learn in parshas noach that a son can't see his father naked? How is this ok?
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imasinger
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 11:10 am
Not commenting on the minhag, just on the practicalities.
The rav who recommended this probably would be a good source to ask these questions. I'm sure you're not the first one to ask them.
Does your DS understand how to use a potty? Maybe he could at least learn how to empty his bladder before going in to the mikvah. As far as being with his father, couldn't his father wear a bathing suit if all he is doing is taking his DS?
And I agree about the !!! on a father never having changed his child's diaper. Teach him, quick!
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Ruchel
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 11:13 am
| Merrymom wrote: | | Don't we learn in parshas noach that a son can't see his father naked? How is this ok? |
I suppose many hold it is only about the private parts (and then you can just not look)? Or that it is only after a certain age?
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MGmom
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 11:21 am
I'd go a time when the 'men" don't go... like in an afternoon and in a nice quiet place. I have never heard of this either but I guess its upto ur dh. And yea, pulling the pull-ups on shouldn't be at all that complicated. I suppose the father doesn't get undressed, just helps him dunk...
And btw I'd be grossed if an untrained kid uses my mikvah.... 
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maapse
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 2:16 pm
I am more shocked that a father has never changed his child's diaper than the mikva thing.
How does such a thing come to be?!
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Ruchel
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 2:22 pm
Some men are "afraid of babies", "cannot touch kids under 1", "cannot deal with that".
I say, it's because the wives let it be.
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cm
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Wed, Feb 22 2012, 2:44 pm
I've never heard of this but it sounds like a lovely custom.
Father can wear a bathing suit.
By almost three, even not-trained kids might be on sort of a toileting schedule. Even if not, it shouldn't be too hard to make sure that he just "went" before going in the water.
Young children can take swimming lessons at age four, but sometimes they start sooner - an almost-three might be able to hold his breath. With little babies you blow into their faces to make them close their eyes and take a quick breath, then you can dunk them (supposedly - it never worked for us, but the other babies at Mommy-and-Me at the pool seemed to do ok). Of course a grown up will be there with him.
And Father really should learn how to change diapers before the baby doesn't wear them anymore!
Is the mikvah really too nasty?
Are there times when no one is there? You could make a private appointment.
Is it strictly a father-son thing, or could you take him yourself if your husband isn't up to it? (Once again, by appointment)
If this is "done" in your circles, perhaps the other men (in the waiting room) will understand what is going on and the need for some privacy. I am sure your son will get lots of "mazal tovs!"
And mazal tov to you! This will work out - hope this helps!
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