How do I know if my 3 year old son is being molested?

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 11:31 am

DrMom wrote:

Okay, while I certainly don't want to be dismissive of the seriousness of molestation, this doesn't seem to be any red flag (well, given the fact that the rav helps kids use the bathroom).

Why would you even assume he is being molested??

becasue he said boo.. and I asked how he got the booboo, he said rebbe. Thats why.
I'm in the same quandary.. I don't want to be dismissive of the seriousness.. but I dont want to accuse an innocent good rebbe of something so horrible..

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 12:28 pm

op, are you generally the overprotective cautious type of mom? I am obsessed with the worry that dd shouldnt get molested & my thoughts can take me far. Be careful not to damage the relationship with his rebbe for such a "maybe".

Seems like your DS isnt that verbal yet since most 3 year old would say more than one word statements "Boo boo", "Rebbe" in that case its really hard to tell. Dd was crying hysterically once "Totty made a boo boo here" and then I remembered that a half hr before that DH wiped her after BM & put on a cream for her yeast rash. I was in the room and I KNOW nothing happened but it was wondering what would I have done had I not been there...It's not so simple to accuse an innocent husband for something this serious.

I would tell the Rebbe that I'm working on teaching him how to be more independent & wipe himself after using the toilet so he doesnt need help anymore. make sure he wears pants that are easy to pull up by himself, no belts & thingamajigs. Rather that you should have to bathe him daily cuz of his improper wiping than you having to deal with the worry.

Also, your DS isn't too young to be taught that no one should see him undressed or in his panties. I taught DD to say "don't look, its not tznius" and she doesnt allow anyone (even me sometimes, lol!) into the bathroom with her.

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 5:04 pm

DrMom wrote:

- Because he said "boo"? I don't understand what you are getting at.

- What does the "booboo" look like? Is anything visible? Could it be some sort of irritation?

I meant to write he said booboo.. I askd where, he pointed down there... hellloo.. didnt you read the original post.. Nothing is visible. It could be.. was just voicing concern.. and my frustration of not being able to know.. No reason to just dismiss me as a dimwit (which thats what it seems you are trying to do..)

Yes , I'm overly cautious and overly anxious especially when they're that age.. With my older kids, I take comfort in the fact that I have explained stuff to them,, like if anybody touches them that makes them feel uncomfortable to tell me etc. etc.

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 5:06 pm

ysmommy wrote:

I guess thats why I am more comfortable with kids having morahs till they can express themselves clearly.

the story about your kid in the yard does not seem to have anything to do with this though.

Where my imagination was going with that is:
That maybe it was a different rebbe and not his rebbe.. Maybe someone took him aside, and then returned him to the yard after his class was already inside.. I know I get carried away..

causemommysaid

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 7:10 pm

amother wrote:

ysmommy wrote:

I guess thats why I am more comfortable with kids having morahs till they can express themselves clearly.

the story about your kid in the yard does not seem to have anything to do with this though.

I dont think that is very likely. but keep an eye out for any more signs. as long as you dont jump the gun and accuse someone falsly, you can never be too careful when it comes to children.

amother

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 9:30 pm

Don't take this lightly, Speak to the Rebbi definitely. Also VERY IMPORTANT speak to your kids about the privacy of their body and how no one can touch them in that area. You can google how to speak to your kids about molestation. We can't prevent it but we can educate our children and make them aware!!! Too many children were ruined by being molested many were too embarrassed to tell their parents and a lot of times the molester will threaten the child not tell his parents. Don't let your child be a victim!!

Merrymom

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 10:04 pm

It could be that the Rebbe just wipes him a little roughly.

Otoh, I couldn't, just couldn't send my child back into a situation where I didn't feel 100% confident that my child was in a safe environment. Call me crazy, I'd rather keep my child at home.

Merrymom

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 10:47 pm

Anon1 wrote:

Can you maybe get some more info from your son?maybe have him act out with a doll what happened?

I would not do this without a professional. If you ask him questions like "Did your Rebbe do this?" he will most likely say yes because children will sense that that's what you want them to say. This is well documented, so do not ask any questions with a description in it. Let him say things in his own words.

Anon1

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 10:53 pm

Merrymom wrote:

Anon1 wrote:

Can you maybe get some more info from your son?maybe have him act out with a doll what happened?

I only meant general questions just to try to find out more what the kid means.but you're right,that could be a bad idea if the questions are accidentally leading...I don't know then ;I guess I'll bow out and hope someone else has a better idea.It's so scary sending your kids off and not knowing what goes on.

DrMom

Sun, Mar 18 2012, 11:43 pm

amother wrote:

DrMom wrote:

- Because he said "boo"? I don't understand what you are getting at.

- What does the "booboo" look like? Is anything visible? Could it be some sort of irritation?

I'm not trying to dismiss you as a "dimwit." shock

I just don't understand how you arrived at the conclusion/suspicion that your son is being molested based on the situation you described in your original post (which yes, I did read).

It never hurts to be aware, and to train your children to understand what is appropriate and what is not.

Also, if having an adult male be in charge of helping your son clean up after using the bathroom worries you, switch to a situation where he will have a female teacher, or teach your son how to do it himself.

chani8

Mon, Mar 19 2012, 4:42 am

When my 3 yr ds went to gan, his rebbe had to change his diapers!

If he had said the rebbe hurt him there, my initial reaction would be like yours.

What do you do now?

Bring up the subject again with your son. Try to get more info out of him. Talk to him about personal safety.

Try to check out the gan more. Ask other moms if they are happy, if their child is happy in gan, if their child ever got hurt using the toilet at gan, find out if the rebbe spanks.

I heard about a rebbe who was accused of potching this part of the children as his punishment technique. While that is not molestation exactly, it is considered child endangerment.