Kicking/hurting getting serious... but not malicious

seeker

Tue, Apr 24 2012, 8:48 pm

DD has always been an active sprite since before birth. But if I thought the kicking hurt in the womb, that was about 16lb ago at its worst... She is a good, sweet kid who is generally very well behaved but much too vigorous when she gets wild. It's all in good hyper fun, to her. Definitely not being aggressive or rebellious or anything, just a clown. A very violent clown. The kicking problem I refer to is specifically at diaper time. Yes, I grab the ankles but she is REALLY fast and strong! But even when we're not diapering, she often gets to horsing around in a way that I'm sure is going to end up with at least one of us injured. She is generally obedient but when it comes to things like no hitting, kicking, biting, jumping on Mommy - she thinks it's a joke. I don't want to potch her because I feel like that sends the opposite message, and she is a smart cookie and will realize that, but I'm running out of ideas. I do remove myself from her when she does this, afraid of sending the wrong message there too but it seems like the most logical consequence (e.g. if you're hurting me while sitting on my lap, I will get up and there will be no more lap) but she doesn't seem to be getting it - she's in such a hyper fun spirit that she's not responding seriously.

She's 17 months old, my mother says "she's only a baby, what do you expect" but at the same time 1. she's a very sophisticated, mature, verbal baby who understands a lot and is much more than "just a baby" in most areas and 2. what am I supposed to do, let her kill me or herself? When I say mature, I mean probably just short of gifted. She knows exactly what to expect in just about every situation, knows a lot of rules and routines and which things can be bent and just how to suck up to Daddy so he won't enforce something and how to get a cookie out of Zaidy every time. She is verbal and communicative enough to carry on a conversation (sure her sentences consist of 1 or 2 words each but she can tell a whole story that way if you know how to listen). And she has almost toilet trained herself (for liquids. And not all the time. But very nearly.) So I feel like if I can reason with her about almost anything (provided she's not too overtired) then there must be some way to teach her about this too. She knows all about booboos but does not take me seriously when I tell her kicking is a booboo. (But if I tell her I have a booboo she will look contrite, say "sorry," and give it a kiss. And then bop me somewhere else. Or herself. And then tell me she needs ice for the booboo.)

seeker

Tue, Apr 24 2012, 9:11 pm

B"H, if she weren't so cute I would have run out of energy for her long ago! LOL, she keeps us on our toes but all in good ways.

I forgot to mention that I suspect she might be a bit of a sensory seeker (chose my screenname before I ever met her! no pun intended!) and that's why she kicks/hits/bounces so hard. Don't know if I'm overdiagnosing here, just that I have a history of sensory issues so I'm very attuned. But I still don't know what to do about it, I already do my best to give her a varied sensory life, doesn't seem to be slowing her down at all...

Also want to clarify that this isn't so much of the time. It'll be maybe three episodes in a typical day? But that's besides the diaper changes. Diaper changing is always a hazard. She's not physically ready to commit to the toilet training yet (lacks the bowel coordination and possibly also not enough bladder control, though getting there) even though she's very willing, so that's not a way out. I'm pregnant and besides being a little concerned about getting slammed in the tummy, I also just get plain old WIPED OUT from wrestling with her. Bad mommy, I put off diaper changes until she's fairly bursting just so I won't have to tire myself out more times.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Apr 25 2012, 12:26 pm

Sounds sensory. Is your house boring? Her eye level is low; are there pictures down there? Toys? Give her a lot of textures and things to work with.

Do NOT reason with her. Provide consistency and let her learn the rules. It is better she learn them from someone who loves her, you, than later on, when they will be administered unceremoniously by teachers and other kids, who do not love her. Nobody is going to indulge her then.

You do her no favors by letting her get away with things because she is, for now, cute. Her father neither. Don't be mean, just consistent.

She may stay cute. And that is certainly no cure-all. But, however, she may develop a less than cute appearance later, as her face develops, and then all the rules in her world might change, which might thorougly frustrate and embitter her, quite understandably. Less goodlooking girls are not indulged in the same way. That's stupid and sad, but it's sometimes true.

So don't teach her to rely on being cute, which isn't right, and, may not last.

You OP may be a sweet, placid, contented person who doesn't need all this excitement and action. She may have an entirely different character with more and different needs than you. That's fine. Just give her what she needs and you will both be happy.

seeker

Wed, Apr 25 2012, 2:52 pm

She has full access to plenty of toys and books that she enjoys playing with calmly for reasonable amounts of time. We also have toys/activities that she can't reach on her own but I take out from time to time to amuse her - e.g. playdough or things with lots of pieces that I need to keep more of an eye on. Now that the weather is nice a lot, she gets to bounce around in the park almost every day for an hour or two. She usually plays quite nicely in the park, more timid than wild actually but she does climb and bounce and swing and run...

But then a hyper mood will strike. I'll be changing her diaper and she'll thrash around like crazy. I tried different positions/angles during changings but she still manages to kick me in places that hurt almost every time. Or if it's not diaper time she'll suddenly start running around crashing into people and things, hitting me, etc. All playfully, she doesn't look wild or out of control or agressive or moody or anything - she just thinks it's a really funny game. Is she too young to learn that hitting/biting/kicking are NOT funny? And neither is climbing up on the couch and bouncing around until you would fall off or smash yourself on the sides if your mommy weren't there scooping you out of danger?

amother

Wed, Apr 25 2012, 3:05 pm

My ds is the same way, and as an OT I pretty much believe it is sensory. My husband has a high threshold for tactile/proprioceptive input, and my ds is the same way. They just don't feel things without lots of input. The problem is, I have a low sensory threshold and I'm overly sensitive. I try to get my husband involved when ds is in high seeking mode, so they can play rough. Or I try redirecting him to something less destructive (let's jump like froggies! Let's roll like logs!) so he gets the input in a safer, more functional way. Other than that, I say "ouch" a lot, and bite my tongue so I don't lash out when he doesn't mean to hurt me.