can't deal w/ her!

amother

Thu, Apr 26 2012, 12:38 am

my 3 yo dd has been impossible! she wakes up @ 6am & is overtired the whole day. (I have a newborn that gets up 3x/night, so I'm tired as well!) She will not take a nap or go to bed till 7ish. She cries about EVERY & ANYTHING, & drives me crazy to get her s/t even while I'm getting it for her. she can be super independent but other times wants me to do e/t for her. I am trying to be patient & give her the love & security she needs, but end up yelling @ her or speaking through clenched teeth (which scares her). oh, & she has a reaaaly short attn span so each activity & come up w/ is over before I can think up another one! & talking to her is like talking to a wall, she does not process & will continue w/ what she was doing/crying....I know a lot is the age but HELP!

5*Mom

Thu, Apr 26 2012, 1:39 am

amother wrote:

and Mazal tov!
A lot is age, a lot is new sibling, and a LOT is tired, hormonal postpartum mother. Your first priority needs to be taking care of you, physically and emotionally, so that you have the resources to care for your children. That means eating, drinking, sleeping, and getting out enough. That may mean getting some part-time help from anywhere you can--family, friends, high school girls or hired help. It's less about the specific things your daughter is doing than about the general tension that is a normal part of the transition when a newborn enters the picture. I would really recommend making the investment in YOU and you will see how that will transfer to the children.

pinkbubbles

Thu, Apr 26 2012, 4:18 am

I had this with my 2.5 year old and baby. They are now 3.5 and 1.5. He would cry all the time, wake early, be grumpy all day because he was tired, etc etc. It was adjustment to the baby, but I didn't realize it at the time.
You need to remind yourself all the time that she is just a child and finds it hard to express herself still.
Ignore her negative behaviors and praise her for anything positive she does. You will need to do this a lot in the beginning. You set the tone, and she will follow after some work.
Get as much sleep as you can. Get as much help as you can so you can sleep. Cleaning, babysitting, husband doing errands for you. Sleep is everything.
Anyways you are probably doing better than I did! I was ready to jump off a cliff!

seeker

Thu, Apr 26 2012, 5:50 am

Oyyyy I can only offer sympathy, no help. My DD (much younger, no baby) also just reduced her sleep/naps and seems tired and impossible to deal with all the time, I just want to scream SO WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP IF YOU'RE SO TIRED?!!! GAAAAAH!!!!

Don't know about the rest of the issues but definitely being well-rested makes a big difference. If she won't nap, is it possible to do one or two rounds of un-nap during the day? Meaning, not actually sleeping but some very relaxing time that's the closest to sleeping - lying down or sitting on couch snuggling, lights off, soft music, dolls, and quiet books? Like a sort of downtime to take a break and reprogram in middle of an active day. An un-nap.

Also, I haven't tried this much because it's a bit of a pain sometimes but in theory it could be fun - my mother says giving the kid a bath is a good way to reprogram in the afternoon for a kid who won't nap but is tired out too early. They sit for a bit, have a change of activity, and come out all refreshed. That's the theory at least, and it makes sense to me, just most days by the time we get to that point I am too tired and lazy to go through undressing, filling a bath, etc etc. But it sounds good.

About continuing to kvetch even while you're getting something, don't know if this makes a difference, again just postulating - do you talk to her as you're getting the thing ready? Like, instead of just "wait... no, wait more" you can keep her busy by letting her see how you're doing it or "help" you. Say DD wants an egg, I'll keep her involved by saying "Oh, an eggy? Where do I get an eggy?" and she'll take me to the fridge and point to the eggs. Then I narrate while she watches me crack it into the bowl and I let her "mix" it (with me holding the back of the fork of course) and so forth - takes only a bit longer but it doesn't test her paitence much because she's busy and involved, not just being told to wait indefinitely. While it's cooking we'll chitchat about things like fire safety (Now Mommy's putting it on the stove. Do you touch the stove? Noooo. Only a...? Mommy or Daddy. Stove is very...[hot] and for a little girl makes a big...[booboo] blah blah blah oh look the egg's done!) But as I said my DD is younger than yours and it could be a personality thing too, so no refunds or guarantees.