Help, I can't go shopping anymore!

seeker

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 2:40 am

Going shopping with DD (1.5y/o) used to be such a pleasant outing. She loved seeing everything in the store, we'd chat about what we see, people would stop to tell her how cute she is (she's petite and very verbal so it looks like a tiny little thing spouting stories about everything in the store!) and she'd be mommy's little helper, she loved the privilege of holding things and passing things to me at checkout...

OMG today shopping was a nightmare. Haven't done a big shopping in a while because I've been under the weather and it seems DD has changed. First she kept throwing down her sippy cup and then crying to have it back (it used to WORK when I said if you throw it down you don't get it back! She used to just understand and accept and stop throwing!), same thing when I gave her groceries to hold, so I stopped giving her and she was a little sad. Then she turned around (she was sitting in that top part basket seat thing in the shopping cart) and started helping herself to the cart contents and hurling them! First of all, it was a pretty big shopping trip so eventually the cart was full right up to her level. But even before then, it's astounding how much she could reach even as I tried to shove things towards the far end of the cart! And as I wheeled the cart, my hands on the bar right in front of her, she kept pinching my hands and arms. Hard. Just for kicks. She does this at home too from time to time, and when it happens she gets promptly removed from my presence - if I'm holing her I put her down, if I'm sitting near her I move away, if she's on the loose and following me around to hurt I pop her in the crib. None of this is going to happen in a supermarket!!! Agh! At several points I had to hold her hands down under mine. Ugh. Anyway, somehow the items all got collected and managed to stay in the cart and we made it to the checkout line. You know how they line up all these candies right across from checkout? Yeah. So when she was smaller she might have snatched one or two and had a grand old time shaking it and looking at it and such, and I'd probably let her do that for a few minutes until we were actually checking out and then put it back. Not anymore. She EMPTIED the entire display of tic-tacs, mostly into my cart. She did it alarmingly fast; I held down her hands in the end but it wasn't soon enough for about five cases of candy. Fortunately when it was my turn I was able to maneuver the cart to a place where she couldn't reach candies anymore while I was able to fish them all out and put them back, which I confess I did quite haphazardly embarrassed

while she attempted to destroy the little credit card computer screen.

I feel like this must be the world's most classic scenario and I'm sure Erma Bombeck could have made it sound like a vaudeville act but right now I am just NOT HAPPY. What happens now? No more groceries until the children are grown?! (I don't even want to ask how you get anything done with two! I guess infant in carrier and toddler still in seat, and hopefully toddler becomes well-behaved preschooler by the time infant outgrows carrying?!) Help, experienced mamas, what do you do?!

Hashemlovesme

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 4:35 am

so embarrassing! seems like you really kept your cool though. That is one of the reasons that I do not go shopping w/ my kids anymore. I go when dh is home, or I send dh.

kalsee

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 4:51 am

You said you haven't taken her in a while- she just needs to be retrained. She sounds adorable - she really knows how to push your buttons Smile

You can leave her at home, I personally love shopping with my kids- if they are trained to behave well it is a great outing and learning experience (I go with my dd 3 and ds1.5).

mizle10

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 5:07 am

Welcome to my life. DD is a terror to shop with. I either a) give her a snack so she's busy or b) go at night when DH come home (at around 10:45, good think my store is open late!)

imaima

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 5:21 am

kalsee wrote:

You said you haven't taken her in a while- she just needs to be retrained. She sounds adorable - she really knows how to push your buttons Smile

You can leave her at home, I personally love shopping with my kids- if they are trained to behave well it is a great outing and learning experience (I go with my dd 3 and ds1.5).

I agree. Sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is a disaster. But the more you do it, the more they get used to it. But my kids love shopping, so I they want me to take them, they need to behave.

cinnamon

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 5:48 am

imaima wrote:

kalsee wrote:

You said you haven't taken her in a while- she just needs to be retrained. She sounds adorable - she really knows how to push your buttons Smile

You can leave her at home, I personally love shopping with my kids- if they are trained to behave well it is a great outing and learning experience (I go with my dd 3 and ds1.5).

I agree. Sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is a disaster. But the more you do it, the more they get used to it. But my kids love shopping, so I they want me to take them, they need to behave.

I also agree. I take my five, three and 1.5 y.o, sometimes it is great - they are well behaved and we have a great time discussing what we do and do not buy and why. Sometimes though its a nightmare like you described and worse. The more often I take them the better it is.

chatouli

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 7:45 am

It was around that age when I discovered the joy of having groceries delivered Smile

my DS acts like that on bad days or just whines on good days ("want this, want that, want to go bye bye, all done store mommy want to go home"). I work part time and barely see him the days I work. So the days I am home I just want to enjoy him and I do not enjoy him at the store!
(also where I live it's much cheaper to get the groceries delivered!)

Culturedpearls

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 7:58 am

I've been doing most of my grocery shopping online for years.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 8:56 am

Hashemlovesme wrote:

so embarrassing! seems like you really kept your cool though. That is one of the reasons that I do not go shopping w/ my kids anymore. I go when dh is home, or I send dh.

This.

seeker

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:02 am

Those of you suggesting "training" her, what/how do you suggest? Could use some practical tips... It's so different than training at home! (come to think of it, she's being difficult at home today too. But that's very possibly because I'm still wiped out from yesterday!)

shiffycc

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:35 am

I actually think that with each of my kids there has been a point when I have to stop taking them for a while(usually for a year and a half). We just take a break and I try to work around going with out them until they are a bit bigger. That's not to say that I don't go with them AT ALL, just that I try to save my big trips for when they aren't around. Ill often go shopping at 930 or 10 when my husband gets home from night seder. Its annoying, but a ten minute trip to the stor turns into a half an hour of torture. I think with my boys the issue came up when they were a year and a half, but DD did okay until the last 6 months or so(she's 2.5) . It might work for some parents to involve their kids and keep the trips positive, and I think that's amazing, but by the time I get to the store after work im exhausted from work, they're cranky and hungry and it just dosent work.
At any rate, whatever you decide, just know that it passes. My 5 year old is hard to shop with, but its definitely easier to shop with him now than it was a few years ago! Good luck!

MMCH

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 11:42 am

snacks snacks and more snacks. I used to be very against give my 1.5 dd a snack I know she wants that she normally doesnt get (chips,wtvr) but it has chaaanged shopping! my dh is never home, I do not function at night so going shopping has to be done during the day be4 I go to work.
Giving her a bag snack has completely changed everything. she sits, she signs, she talks, wtvr I dont care, as long as shes not as you say 'hurling grocery items out of the cart'
try it.

chocolate chips

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 1:20 pm

I rarely put ds in the cart but I did once and he spent most of the time getting excted over every food I put in and then climbing out the seat, turning around and trying to get to the stuff!

I usually give him my phone or a snack to eat in teh stroller so he should be quiet. I call bamba, rice cakes and tea cookies "my baby drugs!" LOL

seeker

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 6:35 pm

Snacks are actually a brilliant idea, I think part of the problem was that I ran out of snack/drink too fast (we'd been out earlier and just ate a meal so I didn't anticipate her being hungry; thirsty I def should have provided better for...)

Figuring out how to go shopping without her at this point feels like it would entail too much turning my life around, so I am praying hard that this was a one-off. Next time also I will have to make it earlier and shorter, I probably tried to stretch her too much, it was a long day (on the other hand she fell asleep in the car going home and stayed asleep for the night, that was sweet...)

mummiedearest

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 6:44 pm

seeker wrote:

1) ignore screams. if she throws the sippy cup, keep it. she can't have it for a set time. she can scream all she wants. don't worry, all the moms in the store do NOT think you're a bad mommy.
2) pinching/throwing things- one strike and she's out of the cart for a set time. she has to walk. again, ignore screaming.
3) dumping out candy displays-- take her out of the cart and have her put the candy back with you. hand over hand if necessary.

she's just being age appropriate. you can distract her with a snack or a picture shopping list. you can cut pics out of magazines to make a collage. that might keep her nicely distracted.

observer

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 9:38 pm

I've reached that point a while ago. I can't shop with my kids anymore.

chocolate chips

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 9:44 pm

Todays "shtick" with ds was his hands! He has done it before, A LOT but today I noticed it in the tiny grocery that he sticks his hands out the stroller and tries to grab from the aisles so I have to park in the middle so I can get what I need and then people in front or behind get frustrated!

kids Rolling Eyes

imaamy

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 10:44 pm

OP sorry but I was laughing as I read your post because I'm right there with you, today in fact! Mine is a boy, a little older and big, plus he has never tolerated the cart or stroller for shopping. Today he screeched as loud as he could while I was carrying him and pushing the cart. I tried snacks and distractions to no avail...we just had to get out as fast as possible. And to the poster who said let them scream and the moms won't think you are bad, well plenty of people do get annoyed with a screaming kid, and rightfully so. Yesterday we stopped at the store with my older son as well after visiting a relative and our older son was "entertaining" the toddler while DH and I unloaded at checkout. I didn't see it but some woman shushed the baby and then told my older one to "keep your brother quiet." Anyway OP, I really feel for you and hope it gets better:)

Mommy F.

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 10:48 pm

It sounds like she's a bright girl for her age.
Maybe she's starting to show terrible twos signs at a young age?

What I often do is always have extra little toys or snacks in my purse in these types of
'emergency' situations. Something that they really like, maybe a little book, or little nosh, or little toy?
Can you get a babysitter so that you can run your errands?
Maybe try a different store, for example some stores have fun shopping carts for kids, with steering wheels on them, or even some have little t.v screens.

Sometimes if you time the shopping trips right after a nap it helps too.

I can't say things will get easier though. I know with my 3 year old he's had accidents and I didn't have a change of clothes so I had to buy underwear and pants for him at the store and then change his clothes in the bathroom. Or I'll be waiting in a long line at check out and when it's finally our turn he has to go make!

The joys of parenting!

BTW some people push the shopping cart with one hand and a single stroller in another hand, that has never worked for me, but it may work better for you?

good luck!

flowerpower

Mon, Jun 04 2012, 10:52 pm

I think its possible to train them to a certain extent. Active kids will stay active but managable. I take my kids all the time and they are pretty ok for the most part. I got comments in babys r us and other places how its amazing that they're all walking near me when they can't control their one kid. First of all-before going out make sure she is not tired, hot, or hungry. Then know what you want in your head or write a list in order of aisles so you don't take too long. You can take along small toys that she likes and once you see her starting to get restless you can give her one at a time. You can let her choose a snack when you get to the nosh aisle and one thing after that when shes done with the snack. When shes really restless you can tell her she can walk near you. If she tries to run away give her one warning that she goes back in the carriage. When you are unloading your stuff at the cashier let her "help" you. Give her the light stuff. I find that when you involve them then it's a tad easier.