sorta regret telling my best friend the name...

amother

Thu, Jul 05 2012, 9:30 pm

The other day I told my best friend the name we're considering. I was just feeling kind of torn and needed to talk out my thoughts, iron out some "kinks". At the time I felt good to share it and think it through with someone, but now of course I am kinda regretting spilling the big secret. It just feels so anti-climactic now.

Well there's no turning back time now, but how do I come to terms with this and feel better?
I'm almost thinking of choosing an entirely different name just because of this! Am I crazy? Tell me it will all be ok!
Sigh. Someone please console me! :'-(

OutATowner

Thu, Jul 05 2012, 9:38 pm

It will all be ok! Very Happy

Do you think she is going to broadcast it? Probably not.
If it makes you feel better, call her and tell her that you know you can trust her but it would just make you feel better if she can reassure you that she wont tell anyone. You can't change the fact that she knows, and don't change the name because of this!
Just call her and you'll feel better.

amother

Thu, Jul 05 2012, 9:44 pm

Thanks, OutATowner...
I know for sure she wouldn't tell anyone. Perhaps her husband, but I tell my dh everything (even things I'm "not supposed to tell anyone") so I guess I wouldn't hold that against her if she tells him. I don't know, hopefully by the time baby is born (any day now!) and the bris/kiddush rolls around, I'll get over it enough! Still just feel sad that it's "out there." Sad

observer

Thu, Jul 05 2012, 9:46 pm

If it makes you feel better, you can tell her that now you're not so sure that that's the name you'll use- you're actually considering switching it to something else... (which is true!) This way she won't know for sure what the name is and you and dh will still be the only ones who know for sure.... Might make you feel better!

chatouli

Thu, Jul 05 2012, 11:38 pm

At least she didn't have some awful comment about it. My friend told me she planned to name her DD Sophie. I said "how cute! So you'll put Sophia on the birth certificate?" she said "no I don't like that name." so I put my foot further into my mouth and said "but Sophie is a nickname, it's for little girls. What about when she's older?"
I felt really silly when I realized that she was uncomfortable. I'm sure my friend regretted telling. OP at least you didn't tell me... Smile

bshaa tova!

amother

Thu, Jul 05 2012, 11:50 pm

It is important to learn from our experiences and become better people. It sounds as if you feel you made a mistake here. Imho, if you don't make the same mistake in the future, it may just have been worth it.

amother

Fri, Jul 06 2012, 11:20 am

Did it make you feel better talking it through with someone? If so I'd say it was well worth it. I actually wish I had talked through the names we were considering with someone other than DH.

I understand you feeling that the secret has been let out though, even if you trust your friend to stay quiet.

You could have another chat with her and say you are now considering another name (mention which) and you watch to talk that through, then when you give the name she won't know which one you are going for.

If you are set on giving a particular name though, don't change it. You'll probably end up regretting it later, it is not worth giving a name you like less just so that it is a surprise to your friend. When the baby is here, your friend knowing in advance will be irrelevant and quickly forgotten.

CherryBerry

Fri, Jul 06 2012, 7:06 pm

Just for fun I asked my dd's friend age 7 what do you think your new baby's name will be?
She replied xyz for a girl and abc for a boy. I was surprised that the family had discussed the possible names with the kids. It sounded like all the kids were involved in choosing the names.
So not everyone thinks of it as such a secret. And if you discussed it with your friend in the first place then you are one of them too.
And thats ok.

chocolate chips

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 12:19 am

CherryBerry wrote:

My mother teaches a little boy whose mother had a baby. He told my mother she doesn't have a name yet but yael is in the books LOL

I know many people who discuss names with the kids, it makes them feel a part of things especially if they are having a hard time adjusting to the newborn.

OP I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Things could always change, and your friend will know the name eventually.

My parents chose a name for my brother and his bris was 8 weeks late so they put it on the birth cert. before that. 2 days before his bris a close relative died and we changed his name!

chatouli

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 12:31 am

I had no idea that Sophie is not a nickname! It's such a cute name, I guess I have only known Sophias who went by Sophie. Still I shouldn't have said anything to her. And she did go with Sophie anyway Smile

Isramom8

Sun, Jul 08 2012, 6:27 am

Seems to me that non-Jews are naming their babies and calling them by their names many months before their births. So not everyone relates to this as a secret!

OP, you may just be hormonal and tired, and you'll realize later that having told your best friend doesn't matter at all in a bad way in the long run. May it all be for the good!