Suddenly "No baf!" Ideas?

seeker

Thu, Jul 12 2012, 11:53 pm

19 m/o DD has always loved baths. She's not too fond of having her hair washed but that never stopped her from enjoying the rest of the bath, and she used to be reasonably cooperative about that too (I tell her to look up so water doesn't get in her face, and that worked until recently). Starting a couple of weeks ago she stopped cooperating with the looking up for hairwashing part, with the natural result that hair-washing was more uncomfortable for her and more of a hassle for me. Then last erev Shabbos suddenly she put up a fit about going into the bath altogether! She has always loved it and still enjoys playing with water in the sprinkler at the park, no idea what changed! She was crying the whole time and trying to come out. All week she has been getting filthier and filthier but every time I offer a bath, thinking it will be a fun activity, she says no. I've made do with just wiping her down with wipes. Now it's erev Shabbos again, she has not bathed all week, and it just has to happen. Any ideas of how to make it work out without traumatizing her? I totally can't figure out what her problem is in the first place Confused

MaBelleVie

Fri, Jul 13 2012, 12:24 am

I think pretty much all kids go through that stage, for no apparent reason. You can try a new bath toy, or getting into the bath with her. In my house the kids are bathed daily, no negotiations. Ds cried the first minute and then got busy with whatever distractions I had prepared. The stage passed pretty quickly.

seeker

Fri, Jul 13 2012, 12:29 am

Hm, good idea! When you're going through "terrible twos" in a hot and tiring summer sometimes you don't think of the most obvious things... hope I can find something around the house to tempt her with! She usually just plays with her nesting cups and rubber ducky in the bath. Last time I offered her a spritz bottle but it didn't fly (she loves to help clean with it though! I guess she just doesn't consider it a bath toy)

mummiedearest

Fri, Jul 13 2012, 10:08 am

let her wash the bathtub with a washcloth and some baby soap.

give her a shower

let her take some empty bottles in the bath with her.

my kids' favorite: shaving cream. I spread it on the tile wall above the bath and they draw pictures with their fingers. they rinse it off before the bath is over.

seeker

Fri, Jul 13 2012, 5:45 pm

Help! 2 hours until Shabbos and nothing's working!!! Tried handheld shower thing "like the sprinkler in the park," tried shaving cream on the wall (wrote her initials), tried a different toy...

At first I thought she was going to go in without a problem, she was talking about taking a bath, rounding up all her bath toys and towel, but then when the time came she put up a huge fuss, crying desperately... Sad

And she's sooooo filthy...

MaBelleVie

Fri, Jul 13 2012, 6:09 pm

Put on a tank top and whatever bottom and get in there with her. Just sing while you wash her, and get it over with. You'll have more control inside than leaning over the edge. She probably won't even cry the whole time. Don't beg or plead or negotiate. Just do it.

Shuly

Sat, Jul 14 2012, 5:35 pm

My daughter went through a stage of not wanting a bath at around the same age. I just stuck her in anyway and when she refused to sit, I used the shower head to wash her up. I did it quickly and she screamed the whole time, but I did not let it faze me. I just told her, "I'm sorry sweetie, but you need to have a bath now" and she learned that it was not negotiable.
After I took her out, she was so thankful and cuddly! The one or 2 times afterward where she said she did not want a bath, I stuck her in anyway and she didn't bother crying and just sat down and played.
Don't let it get to you; you are in charge! Just stick her in and wash her up quickly. She will outgrow this stage soon enough!

seeker

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 12:21 am

I ended up taking a bath with her, washed myself first while she watched rather nervously and then plopped her down to get her done. She cried so sadly nonstop. Sigh.

I just don't get it! She used to love it so much you couldn't get her to come out! And even yesterday, she very happily tossed all the toys she likes into the tub and looked like she was all for it, until it was actually time for her to get in, sudden change of heart.

I hope this doesn't go on much longer, I can't stand making her cry without reason... feels so wrong Sad

It's different than, say, a discipline issue. Obviously there's something about this that troubles her only I can't figure it out...

JustPlainMe

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 12:34 am

Welcome to the stage of "Bath Time Battles". just bathe her as quickly as possible and don't stress out over it. It's a stage like any other, you're not a bad mother and you're not hurting her. it'll pass rather quickly imyh.

seeker

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 12:37 am

Yes, I asked her. She's pretty articulate for a kid that age but she didn't seem to be able to tell me. She just cried and cried "No baf! Nooooo! Nononono!" I even tried talking through some possibilities - I told her I know she doesn't like getting water in her face, so we'll do just her body for now, watch how mommy washes without getting water in my face, etc but that didn't seem to calm her at all.

The whole time I was terrified she was going to get hurt trying to jump out of the tub Sad

Tiale

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 12:50 am

With my kids, they get freaked out when I fill the bath & they're in the bathroom. The sound of the water & pressure overwhelms them. I fill the bath then bring my son in the rroom. He agrees automaticallly. My daughter doesn't like water in her eyes or ears so I have to be very careful, prep a towel or something, nearby and offer her to wash herself. If she does it well, she can do it alone. I think she likes to feel in control about these things. Good luck!

observer

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 10:20 am

My kids have gone through unexplainable stages like that. In fact, my little one is going thought that now. I usually can't figure out what causes it, even though my kids are very articulate. It can be anything. I think my little one is going through that now because at her last good bath there was a piece of dirt in the water. Every time it's a different reason and it's not usually clear what the reason is. But all my kids have gone through these stages and you just have to kind of get through it and eventually it passes....

Some ways we've gotten through it in the past: new bath toy, distracting as much as possible while doing a quick washing, washing kid while standing in the tub (meaning, the kid standing- not making kid sit down), making a fun game out of it, like catching the toy fish or spraying the wall, etc. One time with one kid we actually switched to showers and that did it. (Now she's back to baths).

I know it's very hard when you're in it, but it will pass!

mummiedearest

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 11:22 am

op, do you have a little pool for her to swim in? when my kids were around that age, I used to bathe them in the pool occasionally. they loved swimming, so I'd let them swim for a while and then get out the baby soap. they thought it was fun to take a bath outdoors.

OutATowner

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 1:04 pm

Didn't read all the replies but I remember when dd went through that. She would scream and refuse to sit down. I hated forcing her to, but I had to and it made it much worse. I bought bath crayons and showed her how to use it. Every time she went in the bath and sat down calmly I gave her one. Every time I added a crayon. Eventually she was so busy with them I was able to wash her hair normally again. Nowadays I just have to worry about ds splashing her.

teachby

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 1:36 pm

Not sure about kids so young, but this worked with a bit older, like elementary school kids, when they refused to bathe:

When they refuse to bathe, say, "Okay, but you are not allowed to bathe for two weeks." Eventually they get so uncomfortable, itchy, smelly that they are BEGGING to bathe. Again, I'm not sure how that would work on a toddler, who may not be all that uncomfortable, or even if she is uncomfortable she may not realize what is causing her discomfort.

de_goldy

Sun, Jul 15 2012, 8:59 pm

bubbles. My kids love blowing bubbles in the bath.

But the reality is - even if the toys and distractions don't work, it's your responsiblity to keep her clean and comfortable, and if she has to be miserable for a few minutes for that to happen, it's not the end of the world. Especially if she is in diapers, she really can't go days and days without bathing, as difficult as it may be.