What can my toddler understand? (re: discipline)

morah

Thu, Jul 19 2012, 9:00 pm

I have a 15 month old. Baruch Hashem, he is doing exactly what a kid his age should be doing- getting into trouble LOL

But seriously, what discipline should I be doing? How do I know if what I'm doing is not enough or too much? I know he understands NO (he sure says it plenty). Sometimes he listens. When he doesn't, I usually go over and take him away from what he's doing or take away whatever he's playing with. Should I be giving consequences when he fails to listen, or is he too young to understand? Does time-out work at this age, or is that for older toddlers? How do I know if/when he is ready to understand something more complicated than "no"?

observer

Thu, Jul 19 2012, 9:06 pm

At that age you have to be doing a lot of physical redirection paired with a simple statement of the rule. So if he starts standing on a chair, go over and say "The chair is for sitting" and sit him down. If he starts climbing up the bookcase, take him down calmly and say "No climbing on the bookcase". You can then bring him over to something that he can climb on and say "the slide is good for climbing" or something like that. In general it's better to give a positive statement of the rule, meaning what he should be doing as opposed to what he shouldn't be doing. If he keeps doing something he shouldn't despite your redirections, you can take the item or toy away. Bear in mind that some annoying behaviors are very age appropriate. For example, a kid that age should be dumping things out, so if he's taking a bin of blocks and dumping it out, that is a developmentally appropriate thing to do. You can then show him to put them back in and make a game of it.

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jul 19 2012, 9:26 pm

Wow, observer, you pretty much said it all.

What you're doing at this point is pure "displine" -- as it should be defined: teaching. You're teaching your child what is okay and what is not okay. Kids at that age have a very hard (impossible?) time with cause and effect, so saying, "If you do this, I will do that" doesn't work very well. Better to tell them, as observer said, the positive side of what they'er doing wrong. Like if your toddler tries to throw a rock, tell him "We can throw balls -- we do NOT throw rocks. Rocks make booboos."

Also keep in mind that even if your child doesn't understand you right now, you're giving him the background and vocab he'll need for later on. For example, your child likely has no idea how rocks can make booboos. He may not even be clear on what a booboo is, or why it would be bad. But when he gets a booboo later and cries and you call it a booboo, he'll start to put two and two together...

Definitely lots of positive reinforcement when he DOES listen. I'm sure you're doing that, but had to mention it. Also know that even though he listens sometimes right now, it will get worse before he gets better. And that's okay, and normal. Right now he's just realizing that he's independent and doesn't have to listen to you all the time. He'll start testing it more and more before he starts choosing to listen again.

Are there any specific situations you're concerned about?

morah

Thu, Jul 19 2012, 9:46 pm

I'm not concerned, just a little first-time parent anxiety about everything being developmentally appropriate. I teach high school, so I am an expert in homo teenagerus, but I know nothing about homo toddlerus Smile

He has been testing boundaries and asserting himself, mostly by saying no. I also want to make sure I am not over- or under-estimating his capabilities. Actually, I know I've been under-estimating, but I am afraid to go too far in the other direction, so I came here to ask what is appropriate at this age.