My 3 Year Old DD is a Bully

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 7:49 pm

My 3 year old daughter carpools everyday with a girl her age and her mother. I never drive them myself. The mother told me today that my daughter consistently insults her daughter and makes her cry. She says things like:

Your clothes don't match
You're ugly
You're a baby
You ripped my project (not true)

I'm sure it's true that she is behaving this way because we ourselves have a big problem with chutzpah at home, but this was upsetting and embarrassing. But more upsetting just because that's not the kind of person I want my daughter to be.

PLEASE HELP

ElTam

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 8:15 pm

I think it's a matter of teaching and teaching and teaching the whole concept of v'ahvta l'rea'acha kamocha over and over again. Talking to her about how words hurt like hands do, etc. At that age, I think you have to be very specific about the things you can't say and give her alternative scripts, things she could say that would be good. Remind her that there will be rewards for good reports from the other mommy. Do a sticker chart w/small prizes.

I would also really work on praising random positive behavior--when you see her being nice, kind, sharing, etc.

Having clear, consistent negative consequences after bad behavior. In this case, I would ask for a report every day after carpool.

These are hard things, and they take a lot of work on the parents' part. B'hatzlacha.

Last edited by ElTam on Tue, Jul 24 2012, 11:41 am; edited 1 time in total

sneakermom

Mon, Jul 23 2012, 10:04 pm

One of my daughters is a bit on the aggressive side. I emphasize to her over and over....Why did Hashem give you hands? And she knows the answer. "To do good things". Why did Hashem give you feet? To do good things. Why did Hashem give you a mouth to speak? "To do good things".

There is even a really nice book about that. Why Hashem gave us different body parts to do different mitzvos and I bought it for her and she loves it.

Whenever she does do a good thing point it out to her, congratulate her. Tell her she is special. I also think the aggressive kids need more touch like holding, massaging, hugging to calm them down and center them. It's also very important to treat them gently and with respect so that they pass on that mode of behavior to others.

Personally my aggressive daughter is quite a go getter so I think if you are mechanech these kids well....they turn out quite all right!

amother

Tue, Jul 24 2012, 1:13 pm

OP- Thanks for all the good advice.

For now we have
1) talked about how words hurt
2) postponed an ice cream party she had earned for a day
3) made a Sorry card for the girl
4) told her I would ask the mother every day whether she talked nicely

Hope it works.

Yes, I would love to read her any books people suggest...

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