Father never named the baby!

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 12:47 am

(Posted as amother b/c some because some board members know me IRL, and I'd like to preserve my family's privacy.)

This is a question that either my husband or I will be posing to our Rov later this week, b'n. We already know what we think the answer is going to be -- I'm just curious to see if people agree/disagree with the hunch.

My father recently told my mother that never "named" my sister after her birth. My sister is in her mid-20s, had a Bas Mitzvah ceremony where she was called by the name our mother intended to give her (she is named after a relative on our maternal side), and believes that her Kodesh name is the name that our mother intended to give her.

My mother wants me to ask my Rov what needs to be done in order for my sister to be properly named. My guess is he'll say that she doesn't need to do anything, because she's already held herself out as possessing her intended name. Just curious to see if anyone has different thoughts.

losingweight

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 1:12 am

your rov might tell you to have an aliya at the torah on shabbos and say her name bas her father. I know someone who was born and named on the same shabbos without a kiddush. when she was 17 years old, their rov told them to give a kiddush for her after the father had an aliya l'torah.

BinahYeteirah

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 3:07 am

Yeah, that's what I was wondering. It's a nice thing to do, but it has no halachic or naming implications, as far as I know. Perhaps he told them to do that just for brachos to help their daughter. It has been suggested that failing to have a kiddush for a girl could affect her mazel (such as in getting a shidduch, etc.) in some way, since that is when people wish that she be raised "l'Torah, l'chuppah, u'l'ma'asim tovim."

BeershevaBubby

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 3:16 am

BinahYeteirah wrote:

When the Mi sh'Berach is said by the father when he gets his Aliyah and he names the baby girl, he says l'Torah, l'chuppah, u'l'ma'asim tovim as part of the Mi sh'Berach.

malkie

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 3:35 am

The Lubavitcher Rebbe says it is a segulah for shidduchim to have a kiddish for a baby girl. If someone didn't have a kiddush as a newborn, the Rebbe said they should make a kiddush now.

su7kids

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 3:44 am

I believe I was named by my uncle. My father couldn't get up for the Minyan and my uncle was there, and he gave me my name.

Interestingly enough, my preschool teacher decided that my name didn't exist and people can't just make up Jewish names, so she changed it. (If she would be around now, she would platz when she sees how many modern names are being made up).

I asked when we got married and the name on my ketuba is the 2nd name, not the one that was given in shul!! It is the name I am "known" by.

BinahYeteirah

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 5:24 am

Kmelion wrote:

BinahYeteirah wrote:

When the Mi sh'Berach is said by the father when he gets his Aliyah and he names the baby girl, he says l'Torah, l'chuppah, u'l'ma'asim tovim as part of the Mi sh'Berach.

True, but it can't hurt to have others give a brocha for the same thing.

Hannah!

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 10:26 am

I see where hosting a kiddush, in conjunction with naming, would make sense for a Lubovitch family. I never knew about that particular minhag -- thanks for mentioning it.

TzenaRena

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 10:41 am

Kmelion wrote:

BinahYeteirah wrote:

When the Mi sh'Berach is said by the father when he gets his Aliyah and he names the baby girl, he says l'Torah, l'chuppah, u'l'ma'asim tovim as part of the Mi sh'Berach.

The Mi'sheberach is one thing, and the Kiddush is another.There is a benefit to many Jews blessing the child, in a joyful and thankful atmosphere. The point being that PEOPLE give brochos to the parents for their daughter.

Perhaps similar to the Kabbolas Ponim before the chupah, when the minhag is for Jews to bentsch the choson and kallah.

Squash

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 10:42 am

There was recently a kiddush in our shul for a girl who was celebrating her 25th bday and having a hard time in shidduchim. Her father remembered that he never made a kiddush for her and was advised to make one now.

It says never to make light of any yid's brocha because it carries weight in shomayim. When you tell someone mazal tov it's not like saying "congratulations". It's a brocha. She should have a good mazal.

A kiddush is also a way of thanking Hashem for the nissim He's done. Childbirth is extremely dangerous.

TzenaRena

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 10:42 am

Hannah! wrote:

I see where hosting a kiddush, in conjunction with naming, would make sense for a Lubovitch family. I never knew about that particular minhag -- thanks for mentioning it.

I'm not aware that this minhag is specifically lubavitch.

shanie5

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 10:55 am

I know a family that had 2 daughters of marraigable age whose parents for one reason or another never made a kiddush when they were born. the girls were late teens and early 20's when they made a kiddush for them. I think both girls were married within that year.

my cousin was not named until she was about 10- and then was named in shul. my guess is that is what u will be told to do about your sister.

chocolate moose

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 11:00 am

Except for the fact that Lub name their daughters at the very first kriah after the birth.

A kiddush really has nothing to do with the naming, whereas in other circles, since they name on Shabos, it's an obvious conclusion.

shanie5

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 11:14 am

nope choc, its not only lubavitch. many people name at the first kriyah, and do not specifically wait for shabbos to name. others will name when they do and make a kiddush at a later date-usually when mom is recovered enuf to help/enjoy it too.

mimsy7420

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 12:45 pm

If she was never named, it's not too late. It could be done this shabbos if you want. There is a misheberach to say during laining, and you say say the name. Your husband can even do it for her.

Ruchel

Tue, Jan 02 2007, 12:50 pm

amother wrote:

I'm not sure it is a problem, many people just give the name without an official naming. Ask your rav.