What do you do for DD's bat mitzva?

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 7:17 am

I personally think middle schoolers have enough on their plate with school (and not the maturity for volunteer work). But I'm from a family where one didn't work during vacations etc, beshitta. Wink

Zus

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 8:43 am

What made my own Bat Mitzvah very meaningful was my limud night. It's a tradition of the sephardic orthodox community (in Amsterdam, but maybe also in London and NY?) to hold an evening like that for bar mitzvahs and also for bat mitzvahs.
There is a special seder that is read (by the men, each in turn) with parts taken from Tanach and Mishna.
Some songs are sung (Yigdal, Adon Olam).
The second part of the night is dedicated to speeches and divrei torah. I delivered a dvar torah, and so did my father, both my grandfathers and the rabbi.

mommyhood

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 8:47 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

rachel91 wrote:

amother wrote:

Am I reading right? In orthodox shuls bat mitzvah girls giving dvar torah? In front of men or not? Leining???? Leading davening? WHAT???? Since when do women become baalos korei or baalos tefilla?

I just thought the same thing...was too afraid to write this... Smile

Then no, you did not read correctly. The poll said leining in front of women.

Shabbat, in MO communities they have women leining krias hatorah for women? (I'm not asking about megillah, that I know is fine )
OP, I think the idea of learning something with your dd (or your husband learning something) is really nice. I had friends who learned pirkei avos, or various parts of neviim or kesuvim and then spoke about that at the bas mitzvah.

peppermint

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 9:03 am

mommyhood wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

rachel91 wrote:

amother wrote:

Am I reading right? In orthodox shuls bat mitzvah girls giving dvar torah? In front of men or not? Leining???? Leading davening? WHAT???? Since when do women become baalos korei or baalos tefilla?

I just thought the same thing...was too afraid to write this... Smile

Then no, you did not read correctly. The poll said leining in front of women.

Shabbat, in MO communities they have women leining krias hatorah for women? (I'm not asking about megillah, that I know is fine )

I know of a MO womens group that lain the torah each week in front of women. There are no men at this "minyan"

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 10:36 am

Zus wrote:

That's fascinating!
My grandmother (sameh tet, from Greece, her grandfather was the sephardi chief rabbi of Amsterdam!) had absolutely no BM, neither had her dd my mom.

princessleah

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 11:17 am

For my Bat Mitzvah, I learned Masechet Rosh HaShannah with my father. We had a party in my house with my parents' friends, and the girls from my class and whatever relatives chose to shlep in.
My father made a siyyum and I delivered a D'var Torah about what I had learned. That's what most Bat Mitzvahs were like when I was growing up. I did not do a BM chessed project, which I think is unfortunate. I did however, have a Soviet refusenik Bat Mitzvah "twin."

I fully envision both my DD and DS delivering a D'var Torah in shul, and leining to the extent that they choose to. BTW, there are even Orthodox minyanim that have women leining by women in front of men! And the women receive aliyahs too.

One nice thing I saw in a shul I used to attend is that each Bar/Bat Mitzvah kid received from the shul a kiddush cup, representing Bein Adam L'Makom, and a check for $180 which they donated to the charity of their choice, which represented Bein Adam L'Chavero.

Saw, I'm really surprised to hear that in an MO shul the Rabbi feels the need to make that Hefsek!! If you're still reading this, could you please explain further?

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 11:21 am

Ruchel wrote:

I have never seen any project or activity at a simcha or for a simcha outside of Imamother.
If a girl had shared what she did as volunteering for her bar mitzva and how it made her grow, we would have considered her odd or braggy... but again I hardly know anyone who volunteers, they are certainly not teens.

Wow, here in Ontario teens volunteer a lot. People volunteer a lot in general. I have volunteered at every bat mitzvah club lass for hafrashat challah in the past four years. I also spend about 30 hours a month volunteering for my Shul and coordinating loungers at my Shul. I can't imagine a world without volunteers. What a sad way to live!

sequoia

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 11:27 am

chanamiriam wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

It's more of a North American thing.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 11:53 am

mommyhood wrote:

shabbatiscoming wrote:

rachel91 wrote:

amother wrote:

Am I reading right? In orthodox shuls bat mitzvah girls giving dvar torah? In front of men or not? Leining???? Leading davening? WHAT???? Since when do women become baalos korei or baalos tefilla?

I just thought the same thing...was too afraid to write this... Smile

Then no, you did not read correctly. The poll said leining in front of women.

Shabbat, in MO communities they have women leining krias hatorah for women? (I'm not asking about megillah, that I know is fine )

Yup. I know of women's tefilla groups who get women together every week and have a minyan for women only. Some MO shuls are ok with this and have the minyan in a room somewhere and some shuls are not and the women do it in someone's house, but yes, this really does exist.

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 11:53 am

chanamiriam wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

I can't imagine the sadness of such social pressure and competing. And I do volunteer. If it was expected I probably wouldn't.

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 11:56 am

Interesting because high school students must do 40 hours to graduate high school but most do hundreds of hours. And honestly, I don't think anyone feels pressured. People see how much more we accomplish when we have volunteers and they do it joyously. The feeling if satisfaction one gets is amazing.

Chana Miriam S

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 12:02 pm

Also people who are not in high school have no requirement to volunteer. They do it because they want to. Its prevalent in all the parts of our cultures here, regardless of religion or denomination. It makes for strong non profit organizations and strong communities.

Personally, I coordinate the cooking of lunch for 400 people once a month. I use volunteers mainly although we have staff to fall back on if needed. We never know who will show up for how long but e general policy is that we will take your ten minutes of table setting happily if that's all you have to give. Or if you can't, don't. I get seniors in their nineties and 4 year olds with their families. and all ages in between. We find jobs for everyone. It's a way to build and cement relationships and also make people feel valued and like they are important, which they are.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 12:12 pm

chanamiriam wrote:

Not all high schools have chessed hours that are required of the students. I know my high school did not have this.

I think it is a personality thing. I know some people who volunteer a LOT and some other people who never volunteer. Its a personal thing that each person decides if it is for them or not.

madres

Thu, Aug 30 2012, 7:05 pm

Let me tell you about the most memorable bas mitzvah I attended.
It was my close friends.
we all arrived at her house, thinking it would be an other beautiful "birthday" party.
As we came in we were asked to sit down. when we were all present (the whole class) the father of my friend made a speech about becoming bas mitzwah and what it meant to be a jewish woman. he than said that one of the biggest mitzwah woman do day in day out is chessed. first with our friends than with our husbands and eventually with our children and grandchildren. he said that to celebrate this and the girls bat mitzwah we would all participate to do such a mitzwah. we than all went out with him and there was a coach waiting. we went in and he drove us to the local jewish old age home. we spend an hour there visiting the elders. thann we went back and ate a beautiful seudah where we each had a turn to share our experience in the old age home. as a souvenir present we got a little sefer tehillim which I use till this day.
I loved that party,