5 yr old son always wants Abba

amother

Sat, Oct 13 2012, 5:15 pm

Has anyone had this sort of situation, and does anyone have any perspective on how healthy/unhealthy this is and what could be behind it? And how to handle it. My 5 yr old son always wants Abba as opposed to me. Doesn't like Abba going out of the house without him. Always chooses Abba if there is a choice. Complains if he wakes up in the night and only I am home and DH is out - as if I am hiding DH in a cupboard somewhere. Seems to relate to me as if I am in control of the situation and control when DH is home or not. Very uncooperative for me. Won't give me any reason for any of this. Just "because". He'll tell me at times that he doesn't like me and he wants Abba to be here all the time. Sometimes will hit me if Abba has just left the house. If I ask him why he doesn't like me, he gives no reason, just that he wants Abba.

simchat

Sat, Oct 13 2012, 8:57 pm

Sounds somewhat similar to my daughter. She is 2 1/2 and while if there is only me home with her, she`s fine with me doing whatever but will still ask for daddy when I get her up in the morning, pick her up from playgroup and get her up from her nap. In the morning she will actually tantrum if I come to get her, but that`s cause usually it is her father who gets her up.

As for when he is home, everything that she needs to do - eating, bath, teeth brushing, bedtime etc she will kick up a fuss if I do it and want `only daddy.`

So, 2 things: first, sometimes, emotionally it`s a bit hard (what am I, chopped liver?), but logically, I do realise that I`m home with her almost all the time, so for her, `daddy-time` is a treat. Also, I`m probably a bit more the disciplinarian of the 2 of us, so knowing she can easier get her way with him, well it makes sense she would want him. So I just keep reminding myself that she loves us both, she`s just a total daddy`s girl and bH he`s so great with her Smile

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Secondly, we have started being really firm about whether she has a choice or not. I had to get dh on board with this, but when we work together it works really well. So if I say, for example `come on, mummy`s giving you a bath now` and she starts whining, we are just both really firm about it (daddy gave you supper and now mummy`s giving you a bath). Sometimes we`ll throw in an incentive - mummy will give you a bath and if you go really fast, daddy will put you in bed/pyjamas/say shema with you tonight. But we try not to make this a habit - she needs to know that we are in charge right now and this also makes it easier for when dh is not home. Another thing that helps is `including` daddy. `Mummy will help you pick up the toys and then we`ll show daddy what a great job you did` etc. I know you`re son is a bit older, but if you show him you`re firm, it should help, even if it takes a while for him to see you`re serious.

Hope this helps a bit, good luck Smile