4 yr. old girl who "touches herself" all day!! WWY

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 2:08 pm

I have a playgroup and I recently started noticing that one of my students is constantly rocking on corners of chairs while sitting, and when shes on the floor she sits on her leg and rocks back and forth... during free play she goes to the corner of the kitchen center and will do it there etc... when I zip her coat and I am sitting she will even try to do it on my lap, of course I tell her to back up! She obviously likes how it fells, but I think it's a little extreme!

Should I mention anything to the mother? Is this normal behavior, does this signal any problem?

Anon to protect identity of the child.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 2:19 pm

I dont have a solution for you but I can tell you that that we have a friend whose child did that at age two! she would sit in her highchair for hours just rubbing herself up and down on the piece of highchair inbetween her legs. Her parents were fully aware and it was embaressing for them. They always used to tell people to just ignore it. She litterally had this calm, pleasured look on her face. We moved so I havent see her since and I dont know if she is still doing it. But yes it happens.

I have a feeling her mother knows. If she does it this frequently at school I am assuming she does it at home too.

No solutions though, except she is old enough to understand boundaries. Try explaining the same thing you would to a boy- its private, its okay to do in your own room at home. Try distracting with toys and games. I dont know.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 2:37 pm

Thanks for you response! I do try to distract her but it does not help, she will just find somewhere else to do it, I just don't know if I should ignore it and let it be or should I be discouraging her?

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 4:02 pm

Being in the position of an educator, with all the enormous responsibilities that come with it, I would consult and get guidance from a professional...

MimiMommy

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 4:25 pm

That would make me uncomfortable. But as adults we're projecting the s@xual connotations. To her, it's probably just a comfort habit like sucking her thumb or dragging a blanket around. Or maybe she's itchy down there? In any case, I'd try to discreetly mention it to the mother and assume it's a passing phase.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 4:27 pm

I would mention it in a very matter-of-fact way to the mother, with no one else around. Not a "big talk" but just an in passing. "Look I noticed this. It's developmentally appropriate, but not in school, can you please speak to her about the proper time and place."

My DD went through this in pre-K. Teacher handled it exactly this way. I talked to DD. Again, no yelling, no shame. Just that this is a private thing. Should not be done at school. Problem solved. She may or may not do it in the bedroom or bathroom (which is where I told her she could). But she stopped doing it at school.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 4:34 pm

my daughter who is now 12 did this. First of all, I'm sure the mother knows,but she may not be aware of what it is. We encouraged her to stop the same way we would for thumb sucking. I do not think it is a healthy habit, and I am very glad she stopped. We made her a chart and gave her prizes,etc. This was when she was around 4 years old. It was hard for her for years. But I feel it was a very good decision to stop her when she was young. I think you should talk to the mother and tell her that it is better to break the habit now

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 4:41 pm

op here- Thank you for the advice, I think I will mention it to the mother in passing.

Does anyone have advice as to how to word it to her?

yksraya

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 6:07 pm

amother wrote:

op here- Thank you for the advice, I think I will mention it to the mother in passing.

Does anyone have advice as to how to word it to her?

Pls do not use the word touch self when you tell her!!

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 6:18 pm

Quote:

Given the number of amothers posting on here because they can't get any marital pleasure because they don't understand how their bodies work and what is supposed to feel good, I would be cautious about telling a mother that this is a bad habit that needs to be broken.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 6:40 pm

I actually did this as a child and continued to touch self until today.

I don't know if this is a bad thing. I do know my parents tried to encourage me to stop. I continued only in private.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 6:44 pm

I continued doing it until the 4th grade, and then I realized one day that maybe it was best done in private.
I wasn't even doing it right until much later, when I researched it and figured out the best way to do it.
One of my baby's was doing it right after birth, rubbing on me all the time.... and some kids never get the hang of it and have no clue that it exists.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 6:56 pm

amother wrote:

What does this even mean? There is no right and wrong, it's about what feels good to each person. You did research in 4th grade?

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 7:03 pm

I think the child is doing it without thinking into it and the more you make her aware of it the more shell do it. At this age its best to just ignore it and it will stop.

greenfire

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 8:35 pm

I can't imagine why "pleasuring" had to be changed to --touches herself--

but if that is the case her mother must be aware ...

the simplest way to deal is say nonchalantly that's only to be done in private

sneakermom

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 9:24 pm

Sometimes a child craves sensory input and therefore develops the habit of touching herself. Sometimes the child is having trouble with anxiety and feeling self regulating and might touch him or herself to self soothe. It is important to figure out why the child is doing this all day.

elisheva44

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 10:09 pm

I think most of the cases in such young age - just being itchy, especially if the girl recently got independent in a bathroom and can't properly manage the hygiene part....Diaper ointment, aquaphor, vaselin after bath daily would help a lot. (checked on my dd's). Works for boys also, BTW.
could be a sign of yest infection too. prescribtion cream or powder will fix the problem....

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 10:18 pm

Did she start recently? Because when my daughter did it at that age she had vaginal strep. As soon as she was treated she stopped touching herself.

amother

Wed, Dec 05 2012, 10:51 pm

OP here- I was actually wondering if it could be some sort of infection... I did ask her a few times gently " Is something hurting you?" She keeps saying, no. The mother must see it too at home so I am assuming she will take care of it. She happens to be an extremely responsible mother ( she's a preschool teacher herself).
I don't know why I just feel uncomfortable bringing it up.

I Guess if it doesn't let up I will have to overcome that and call....

chani8

Thu, Dec 06 2012, 9:23 am

Why isn't it ok for the ganenet to say something to the child? She could say, "don't do that in gan, ok" or simply, "stop doing that, I don't let to do that in gan."