Playdate ettiquette

Chippies

Wed, Jan 16 2013, 9:52 pm

My DS recently turned 4 and he is finally comfortable going to his friends' houses without me. Also, he's become a lot more social overall and wants to invite his friends over to our house regularly. This new social life of his has led me to new questions:

1) How much supervision is expected when there are two 4 year old boys playing? (assuming that they're good kids and not so wild)

When my DS was at his friend's house recently, he came home with a bad bruise under his eye - he eventually told me that they were playing with small hard balls and when throwing them around, one of them hit him in the eye and it hurt a lot. I am not the overprotective type, but that did make me wonder if the mother should have at least been aware of what toys they were playing with. But I know these things happen.

2) Is the host expected to feed the friend even if the play date is not at meal time? ie. is it necessary to offer a snack even if the boys are playing nicely and keeping busy?

3) When DS goes to a friend's house, at what point should I call to make sure everything is going well? Is that expected? And as a host, if the friend's mother doesn't call or come over, is it rude of me to call after 2 or so hours to say, "we're going to eat dinner soon....so would you be able to pick up your son?"

4) If the friend's mother doesn't tell me about allergies or dietary restrictions (eg. cholov yisroel which is not so common at my son's school), then is it safe to assume that I can feed him anything or must I always call first to ask?

I probably have more questions, but that's it for now.

Thanks in advance!

Eemaof3

Wed, Jan 16 2013, 10:07 pm

1) I would not let them be in a room with the door shut but some "privacy" is good so they can develop social skills. Allow them to play but check in every once in a while or listen from nearby. Injuries happen all to often during boy playdates.

2) Snacks are very important. It can make you the house everyone wants to play at or the one to avoid. Never hurts to offer a snack -- if they are too involved they won't stop. Snack can be a good way to disrupt bad behavior without labeling such.

3) I try to set up a time to check in, usually after a couple of hours. If the mom does not check in after a couple of hours, I would certainly call to set an end time. "The boys are playing really nicely but I think they will last only another half hour." (Or something like that.)

4) I always ask (I am obsessive with that) because I have encountered so many allergies. A quick call cannot hurt and it makes you look responsible.

Just remember, a great playdate can take a bad turn very quickly (usually after the 2 hour mark).

Chippies

Thu, Jan 17 2013, 11:00 am

Thanks for your responses. I thought of other questions as well:

1) How often is too often to have a playdate with the same boy? My DS has one best friend in his class and the two of them would be very happy to play together every single day, but I think once a week is enough. I worry that they may get bored of each other or each other's toys.

2) My DS asks for a playdate every day, but again, I think that's too much. I think 1-2 play dates a week is ideal. I'd like to know what others think. How often should a kid have a play date? I guess a factor is also that my DS only has 4 or 5 friends with whom he even wants play dates.

Thanks again!

oliveoil

Thu, Jan 17 2013, 11:46 am

Chippies wrote:

I think it also depends what time the kids finish school. If it's 3, then I would say 1-2 a week is plenty. If it's 12:30 or 1, then possibly more. Also once there are play-age siblings around, the play-dates really slow down (in my experience!) .

You sound like a great mom!

small bean

Thu, Jan 17 2013, 11:50 am

I find that I have to follow my kids lead, how they behave after the playdate etc..

I do find 2 on weekdays and some sundays is perfect. Once of the weekdays I prefer by my house.

I don't like when it's the same kid every time. I think once every 2 to 3 weeks, by a specific kid is okay.

My kids are close in age, but they still love having friends over or visa versa....