why do they have to make me feel like a failure????

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

Why do they have to make me feel like a failure????

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cinnamon

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 5:02 am

I just got back from an evaluation with a speech therapist for my five year old daughter and I almost started crying right there in her office.
She was so antagonistic she treated any question I had like I was trying to undermine her and she acted like the whole thing is my fault.

"Do you play any games at all with her?"
"Well you play them wrong!" (I play them according to the instructions they come with how am I supposed to know that there is a magic speech therapist way to play games?)
"Why do you speak with her a different language then in school?"
"And the fact that she speaks this way doesn't bother you?"

And when I dared to ask how many sessions she thinks we need... "How am I supposed to know how many sessions? Do I know your daughter? Do I know how hard you will work or how fast her progress will be?"
And then I had the nerve to ask how we will measure her progress... "What do you mean how will we measure it? I will feel that she is getting better!"

I am so hurt and angry. And this is not the first health care provider that spoke to me this way.
If I would know what to feed her/how to get her speech up to grade level/what exercises can help him walk correctly I wouldn't need to come to you!

piegirl

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 5:23 am

this therapist was wrong in so many ways I can't even list them.
wow.
any way of getting a new therapist?
you're doing the right thing by getting your daughter help, don't worry.

ray family

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 5:27 am

I always feel like a failure when I come out of one of these appts (and I've had a few recently and quite a few more coming up for another child)
my husband doesn't get it which makes me feel even worse.
I'm trying my hardest w/ my kids why they're not advancing is not my fault (as the therapists esp the developmental psychologist - on the kuppah) makes me feel.
for me it's actually harder bec. I was a very advanced kid and to see my kids falling behind....

EvenI

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 6:06 am

She's completely out of line. Even if many other medical professionals treat you like this, my question is why do you let yourself feel bad when it is so obviously the therapist that is wrong. And since this is a child who will be undergoing the therapy, I would not use that therapist. Sometimes, I tolerate these crazy attitudes from doctors and nurses who are treating me, even a midwife that I had for one of my births, but if the nature of the treatment itself is so interpersonal and depends on establishing rapport, I would give it a miss.

imasinger

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 6:17 am

I would complain to whoever pays her. That is horribly unprofessional.

The cynic in me says that what with budget cuts, there is a lot of pushing to get EI therapists to make the experience complicated enough that more parents will refuse treatment. My DD went to a meeting in NJ where they learned that the new state rules are to offer half as much and with a lot of new obligations for the parents.

chani8

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 6:39 am

I had an optomologist berate me (about my child) like this and I started balling right there in front of him.

I also had a jerk neurologist upset me (about my DD) and I got hysterical, crying and screaming at him.

So, OP, next time, feel free to express your emotions then and there.

But, I would not go back to her again. If she treats you like this, do you really think she'll be nice to your child? Likely she'll throw little barbs and insults at the child, as part of her treatment style.

grace413

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 6:48 am

Sorry you had an unpleasant experience. It's so frustrating to be doing the best you can for your kids and then have to take attitude from so-called professionals.

I experienced this many times from various teacher, administrators, therapists etc.

Have confidence in your ability to give your children what they need; sometimes that involves putting up with less than tactful people.

cinnamon

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 7:58 am

Thanks for sharing you all. It makes me feel better when I hear I'm not the only one.
I am not going back to her. I already have someone elses number. I just hope the kupa will let me switch.

merelyme

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 8:03 am

cinnamon wrote:

Thanks for sharing you all. It makes me feel better when I hear I'm not the only one.
I am not going back to her. I already have someone elses number. I just hope the kupa will let me switch.

Please tell the kupah (preferably in writing) why you are switching.

bnm

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 11:21 am

amother

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 11:26 am

So sorry!
I cannot stand when "experts" are hostile and denigrate the parents, especially the mother.
Just terrible.
And certainly not in their "clients" interest either!
If they want to help someone improve, great, that's totally different.
Petty people abusing their little corner of power. Disgusting.
Respect the mother!

21young

Thu, Jan 31 2013, 11:48 am

Your therapist was certainly out of line, but you will have to learn to take criticism that is given in a normal manner, because that's what therapy is all about.
My son has been getting speech since he was a baby and in the beginning I used to get upset that the therapists were so critical. He has since made tons of progress and I've learned that the whole point of therapy is to teach me how to speak and play with him in everyday life. The only way I can learn is if they criticize me.
You have to know when they are crossing the line and being mean, but a good therapist is one that will criticize what you are doing, in order to teach you how to work with your child.

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