Iso Consequences ideas

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2013, 2:21 pm

My four yr old dd am has been testing my limits and her two yr old brother is watching carefully how I react when she tests those boundaries. What are proper reactions, consequences etc for these ages? Also ideas for positive reinforcement... Here are some examples:

Wiping toothpaste on the wall, running away from mommy in the store, running out if bed outside into the street, hitting, biting, jumping on the baby, waking the baby up, shmearing conditioner on their hair, tissues all over the room, not listening to mommy...

I'm sure it's either a call for attention or boredom...
Tia!

imasinger

Mon, Mar 18 2013, 2:36 pm

amother wrote:

Probably a little of both.

The best defense is to divert before the crisis. Can you come up with a list of things you can distract her with when she starts getting into trouble? You can reward her with praise for telling you when she needs something new to do, and for making a quick, appropriate choice when given one.

You can also make a list with her of things she would like to earn -- extra time with you, play date, special activity, stickers, etc. She can earn points towards these rewards every time she does something good. Choose your top 3 or 4 priorities as the first things to earn. Do not subtract points for poor behavior. The chart should be all positive consequences.

The negative consequence for making a mess is that she has to clean it up. Tissues, conditioner, or toothpaste; give her the equipment and make her do it, with help if necessary. The consequence for running away is loss of freedom; buckle into cart or stroller or have to hold Mommy's hand. Running out of the house can be dangerous. Talk to her about why, post a sign, and see if you and she can figure out why she does it and what is a more acceptable alternative. The logical consequence is a time out.

Hurting or waking the baby also earns an immediate time out, imo.

How does all this compare to what you have been doing?

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2013, 2:56 pm

Thanks for answering!!

What happens when she runs out of timeout? What happens when she does these things while I'm nursing the baby?

I'll just have to be more proactive , keep her busy, give more attention and hide the toothpaste and creams.

I homeschool so it's alot harder to be on top of things 24/7.... Like EVERY second of the day. I also recently have birth so it's just so much harder (and their behavior must stem from the change as well.)

I do alot of what you say but like I said there are soooo many times in the day when I can be tested.

You mention:

List of things to distract her
Reward for telling me when she is bored of her last activity
Making an appropriate choice quickly
Earning a privilege or prize thru points on a chart of only positive consequences- it tried this so many times and I have a hard time being consistent.

Making her clean it up... What if she doesn't?? My main issue is listening to mommy.

What if she runs away from me in the store and I'm pushing a shopping cart, am wearing a baby carrier and have another toddler alongside or in the cart? Running away from mommy at home? Wild goose chase? Ruining my back?

Looking for an acceptable alternative is an idea. She's very mature and verbal so we can try.

bamamama

Mon, Mar 18 2013, 3:25 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for answering!!

What happens when she runs out of timeout? What happens when she does these things while I'm nursing the baby?

You have to stay right there with her and keep her in timeout.

Quote:

I'll just have to be more proactive , keep her busy, give more attention and hide the toothpaste and creams.

Good idea.

Quote:

Making her clean it up... What if she doesn't?? My main issue is listening to mommy.

What if she runs away from me in the store and I'm pushing a shopping cart, am wearing a baby carrier and have another toddler alongside or in the cart? Running away from mommy at home? Wild goose chase? Ruining my back?

Looking for an acceptable alternative is an idea. She's very mature and verbal so we can try.

You have to project the attitude that listening to mommy is the only option. You are the mommy. You will take care of her. You are in charge and will keep her safe and meet her needs.

Honestly, I would start by committing to "collecting" her every 30 min or even more often at first. Get in front of her and get her to look at you - getting her eyes is key. Chat with her until she smiles. Now she's collected. Hugs and cuddles are great, too. She's attached to you and is more likely to want to please you and to refrain from doing things to get attention. Obviously this is not foolproof - kids are impulsive. But if you do this first thing in the morning and then at various intervals throughout the day (collecting is very helpful when transitioning from one activity to another, for instance - before going into the grocery store,etc you can make a plan for how you need her help as she's mommy's big girl).

Hatzlacha, OP. Having lots of littles is challenging and exhausting.