Britney Spears bald

Piper

Tue, Feb 20 2007, 3:11 pm

amother wrote:

I am chasidish, and I feel the need to explain things for those of you that don't understand.
yes it's hard to give up your hair ( my mother did it for me the first time, and my MIL was not there either was my gift!!!) HOWEVER I expected it and didn't question it... do I miss my hair sometimes? of course! am I greatful that I have no hair to wash and blow and tuck under my sheitle? of course!

WH wrote: Honestly, I think for a chassidsha girl, the 24 hours of the wedding day/night/next morning is the most traumatic process. You get married to a guy you spoke for 20 minutes… then you lose your virginity in a manner nobody ever explained to you in depth
this is a very general statement.
I can talk for myself I had the traditional "bashuah" meeting for an hour in my mothers home once in the afternoon then the next morning for another hour or so then we spoke breifly at the l'chaim then at the tenoim again... I was amazing at my chosson for his humor,charm and chen.
burach hashem I am happy close to 6 years now.
I would not call the wedding night traumatic I would call it romantic.
I can feel my heart beating quicker just by thinking of that special night! Is it a hard day? of course it is!
fasting, davening, dressing, pictures, dancing... and wearing that heavy heavy gown... yes and you are nervous about doing the "thing" oh please tell me that only chasiddisha girls are nervous....

please with humor don't blanket statement all chasiddisha ppl. should you choose to you can talk for yourself and your expirence.

What a lovely post Very Happy

I'm almost jealous. I married "secular": dated for 4 years, 6 month engagement. So, the wedding night was like just another night. Kind of disappointing in that respect.
We are still married, B'H, and still very much in love, btw.

As for all the bickering on this thread, please take it to PM's, it's annoying.

momof6

Tue, Feb 20 2007, 3:17 pm

[quote="chocolate moose"]With, you should be posting that stuff on your own forum, not on the general forum.[/quot
Thumbs Up

This is not a topic for the rest of us to dabate.
I know of many normal happy chasseedishe couples, excelent parents, who marry off their children in the same manner that they were married.
I trust their judgement!
I hear from alot of women on this site that they were not "traumatized" !
Let's not generalize!
The grass is always greener......

Mirabelle

Tue, Feb 20 2007, 6:08 pm

I have to say, as someone who grew up in and continues to live in the modern orthodox world I have been fascinated reading the posts of women from the chassidish about different aspects of their life including head shaving. As they say, through education breeds understanding...I admit growing up and shopping in boro park or mea shearim I always thought that the Chassidish women with shaved heads were really different and strange, but now, through this site I am learning just how much we all have in common.
For all those modern people who were "dissing" on the Chassidish dating techniques, you know what? I don't think its so fantastic in the modern communities. I once read in a (secular, like Cosmo or something) magazine that often times the longer you date before becoming engaged the higher the chance of divorce. Why? It all comes down to commitment. My husband and I got engaged after 3 months of dating, his Israeli secular parents were shocked and horrified and you know what? 3 years later we couldnt be happier. If the right attitude is there and there is a connection, then why not get married? My husband and I knew we had a connection after the first date but waited three months to get engaged so people would take us seriously. Looking back, isnt that a little silly? Confused

GAMZu

Wed, Feb 21 2007, 12:48 am

Wow! This is the most diverse conglomeration of topics I have ever seen in a single thread.
I am also Chasidish. I was nervous, but also excited on my wedding night. My kalla teacher was excellent and also taught it in a holy way.

And I also didn't get it the first night- so that is what the amother meant, that she couldn't wait to do it the next night. I also felt that way. And I grew up VERY sheltered.

amother

Wed, Feb 21 2007, 11:41 am

I am chasidish too and I think it is just fine the way we got married/dated and I plan to do the same with my kids im yertza hashem. (including the head shaving part LOL

) it is part of our Mesorah and I would be hurt if my kids don't follow... of course there are some "off" part that are not perfect and there are some flaws in the "dating/marriage system" but I don't see the modern or secular world doing so much better that we need to copy them...

dating one person at a time is great. I actually met my husband only and never dated another man. I never go through the thought "maybe the other one would of...." I have some friends that met 2 or 3 men before their bashert but it was always formal and if they said no to a bachur it had a valid reason. it's hard to explain it on the forum.

back to the subject I think Britney really needs some help...! I guess there is no amount of attention that is enough...

Blossom

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 1:14 am

Withhumor, I feel for you going through that experience but I hope you and everyone else reading this realize that you just can't generalize for all Chassidish girls just because of one person's experience. And obviously as we've heard from other posters
-My experience b''h was totally not what you described and I'm Chassidish too-

I spoke to my Chassan throughout my engagement although I saw him only a few times throughout as he was learning in a yeshiva out of the country.
And My kallah teacher put it all down very positively and exciting.

I definitely agree with you that such experiences like yours should not happen to anyone and in such circumstances things do need change. However it doesn't need to go from that to dating as someone mentioned. I think the way most Chassidish people I know did it which is meeting a few times beforehand and keeping in touch throughout the engagement is just fine.

faigie

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 9:58 am

I probably have been to more weddings then anyone here. im a makeup artist.
chasidish litvish sephardic, syrian. whatever.
if youre jewish and have a face, I work the wedding.
never in my experiance, have a seen a chasidish kallah being anything but ecstatic. I know thats a big claim, but its true. there is something about a wedding that is based on kedusha in the purist sense of the word, that can be bested by no one.
that is not to say that other weddings are not based in kedusha g-d forbid, but there is "something" so undeniably pure, that is almost tangible, when it is celebrated with tzneyut for the sake of the mitzvah besimcha.
from the VERY separate dancing, to an outdoor chupah, to the mitzvah tanz. there is a tangible element in the air that is very humbleing..even I can feel it, though I am the outsider looking in.

TzenaRena

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 11:01 am

Interesting about the shaving, and withhumor, your perspective.

Of course it's valid, and I brought the opinion of the Lubavitcher Rebbeim from the sefer Shaarei Halacha Uminhag for the case against shaving in a discussion we had on the other thread about covering hair. There are men who wouldn't be happy that their wives shave, and to them it's a davar megunah, which could interfere with the couple's etzem unity in marriage.

just because there ARE Poskim (of course they are reputable, and no one is saying not) who came to the decision that the tznius and validity of the tevillah factors override that factor, and therefore it is worthwhile to institute this chumrah, doesn't mean that the first factor doesn't exist, and that this hasn't had an effect on anyone, and that there are other Poskim who recognize that and hold very differently, and conclude that the etzem mitzvah - marriage/Sholom Bayis - overrides the chumrah.

I think it's beneficial to discuss this in the general forum, because the position that those who don't shave are less frum is a misconception that results from not knowing the halachos or opinions of the Poskim, just as the view that shaving is weird is borne out of ignorance.

withhumor

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 3:06 pm

There’s also the beauty of chumros passed down from generation to generation. If you take on, you take all which in turn makes you a better believer, a stronger Yirei Shamayim, and ultimately, as frum as you can stand it. If one shaves but her mother doesn’t, she’s not only taking upon herself and extra chumra, she’s also starting a new chain to be passé don to her children. Can she handle that? Can you handle dressing like a chassid but not behaving like one? It’s a question we all need to ask ourselves everyday. Should I dress like a frum jew and then push into a line at the supermarket…? Know your limits.

chavamom

Tue, Feb 27 2007, 9:26 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

Yeah, you're prob. right.

I was somewhere where they were watching cnn with an interview with the hair stylist that tried to talk her out of shaving her head. She said something like "she really only had about 4 inches of hair, the rest was extensions and weaves". I think she can get her extensions put back on with an inch or so of hair - or maybe she'll just get a better sheitel than the plastic thing they were showing her in.