Who brings little children to the megilla?

shnitzel

Mon, Mar 01 2010, 3:43 pm

My 8 month old went nuts as soon as they started leining. She's shy until there's only one person talking and seems to feel bad that they are having a conversation with themselves and tries to join in.

I had to listen with me half out of the room holding the door while a 10 year old chased her. B"H I was yotzei and heard everything despite DD's shrieks.

melbee

Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:32 pm

I think we had a pretty good plan this year, B"H. Instead of going to our regular shul, a friend of mine told me about another shul in the area that had babysitting. Before this I was pretty worried about what to do with my 11 month old. The babysitting worked out for me, but apparently not for him since he screamed the whole time (separation anxiety is hard on him). I told the babysitters he might do that, and sat by the door for them to get me if it was a problem, but they didn't since they wanted me to be able to fulfill the mitzvah and not have to wait for the second reading. And despite the older kids (3-8 yo) walking in and out instead of watching the Purim movie they had set up, it was still alright since those kids stayed relatively quiet. HOWEVER, apparently they need a babysitting room for the parents too, since not one but three different cell phones went off, loudly, throughout the reading.

Daytime was easier also since the Chabad here does an "every hour on the hour" megilla reading, so DH went in the morning, and I went in the afternoon while DS was napping.

justvisiting

Sun, Mar 07 2010, 11:55 pm

In my shul, there were 4 at night ( 630, 730, 830 and 10!), and every hour on the hour the next day. Im sorry, I look forward to going to Shul, it's a treat for me because I stay home with my little ones while dh goes. With that many readings, ( plus all the other neighborhood shuls), there was absolutely no reason to bring your kids. Sorry, maybe Im a little mean. But, with megillah readings every hour, there was no reaosn to bring babies...

Just my 2 cents. Of course, it's different if readings are limited. But, it's really not fair for the women that come to seriously listen to the megilla...

rosenbal

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:11 pm

There are a few times one should NOT bring non perfectly silent children to shul. 2 of them are Purim night and Purim day. Period. There are shuls that are super noisy and everyone brings kids who make a ton of noise and talk during megillah (I had the misfortune of being at one once) but unless you're taking your kids to one of those (which is bad chinuch anyway), please leave them at home.

My 4 year old was under a delusion that he was going to shul on Purim until I cleared things up for him. (Kid is a cute chatterbox and can't be quiet for shofar even). BH my husband has a megillah and will lain a little for him (a nice section with lots of Haman in it!) And we'll all sit and grag with him.

When I walk in to shul and see that inevitable clueless person with a toddler, I try to sit as far as possible. Purim is so busy, I really don't have time to sit through a SECOND reading because of talking kids.

Sorry, I'm really not so uptight usually!!

Last edited by rosenbal on Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:19 pm

Wow! I am just so surprised that not bringing kids is even a thing. I grew up frum and out of town with limited formal education opportunities... hearing the megilla was a major part of my chinuch! That being said it is important to absolutely prep your kids for the fact that they need to be quiet.. I remember looking at illustrated purim books when I was little.

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:21 pm

Input please: I am considering taking my toddlers for a few minutes of megillah so they can see what they learned about in playgroup. I would not plan on sitting through the entire megillah, but would you be disturbed if a mother would open the door during a "haman" and sit for a few minutes with her kids? (They're kids, not machines, so I obviously can't guarantee they'll be 100% quiet, and I would leave as soon as they made noise)

But would you be bothered to see me come with my kids in the middle of the laining? (If it's going to bother people, I won't do it - either we'll stay home, or we'll stay in the hallway and not go into the ezras nashim)

rosenbal

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

For sure you bring kids! But only ones that can be guaranteed to be quiet the whole time. You really need to hear every word to be yotzei. That's why most communities have several readings (some in shuls, some in private homes that people (usually women) can go to once their spouse and older kids come home.
Some kids can be quiet at 4 for 45 minutes, others still blab when they're 6!

Last edited by rosenbal on Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

Notsobusy

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:40 pm

Kb - you just answered a question for me. Last year a lady came quite late to megillah with two little kids. They made some noise coming in, which was disturbing, but, ok. The problem was that they didn't stop making noise. I couldn't understand why she didn't just leave if she anyhow wasn't doing the mitzvah being that she had missed a lot of the leining. Now I can at least understand why she came, she must have come just for part so that her kids will have the experience. Unfortunately she ruined it for everyone who was sitting near her.

I wouldn't necessarily mind if you came in for a short time with your kids. The question is what happens when they are there. I have taken some of my toddlers with me for megillah, but not others. You have to know what each kid is capable of.

Also, this is to everyone, not just kb, please don't bring your kids with noisy snack bags. I know you hope the snack will keep them calm, but don't bring something that makes noise and disturbs everyone.

amother

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:42 pm

kb wrote:

Honestly I think it's disturbing to have the door open in the middle and have the kids walk in and out. You will inevitably make some noise and disturb those around you.

rosenbal

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 8:42 pm

kb wrote:

I really think it depends on the atmosphere and expectations in each shul. Ask those shul members ahead of time and ask for honest answers.

dr. pepper

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 10:49 pm

kb wrote:

Yes. It would.
The coming in and out and the noise you're kids would need to reach in order for you to decide "ok, this is enough" will ALMOST SURELY disturb those near you.
It's rude to the core (in my opinion...and I know there are those who disagree) in such a mitzvah, that requires intense silence and concentration.

I felt this way before kids, and kal v'chomer now. I work hard to make arrangements for my kids....by golly do the same for yours. (and for the record...I've been in very difficult senario's purim night)

Why in the world does your desire to be "m'chaneich" your child more important that my real chiyuv to hear megillah in it's entirely.
By all means, try and organize a kids leining for this purpose! I've heard it being done. I thinks it's a great idea.

This is a classic case of being "toivel v'sheretz b'yado"-like going to the mikvah while holding a bug, which renders you impure. It's like trying to do something good whilts doing something bad in the process.
I feel kind of strongly about this topic...as you can clearly see.
Chag sameach to everyone.

Last edited by dr. pepper on Sun, Mar 01 2015, 11:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

dr. pepper

Sun, Mar 01 2015, 11:27 pm

Like I've said before, potentially yes to those sitting in the back near the door.
Those shul hallways of often very echoey.

I have a neighbor who really wanted this experience for her kids. She arranged a ba'al korie who was kid friendly and they had a leining for them with moms with the EXPECTATION that it was experiential....not to be counted on for the real chiyuv.
I think it's an adorable idea.

For full disclosure....my year in sem, I did the whole purim and shushan purim experience. Due to a similar circumstance, I had to hear megillah....not 4 but 5 TIMES!!!
I could have leined it by the end of purim myself Wink

Who knows...maybe that's where my passion on this topic comes from.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Mar 02 2015, 12:28 am

I have never and will never bring a small child to the megilla reading. And this is a pet peeve of mine. People come, like kb was thinkling of doing (just using that as an example, not you per say Smile

) just so their kids can experience the megilla reading, and then the whole shul becomes one big play groupnd, the noise, the fidgeting. Its really awful. And then us people who came to HEAR the megilla cant hear it.
I believe that until a child can sit and not talk at all, they should not go to shul to hear the megilla. That included babies as well.
My daughter is almost 7. She went last year and really sat still, but I could tell that it was a bit hard for her. We are giving her a choice still this year, if she wants to go or not. For the past two purims my husband has taken her for the morning leining to an additional reading so that he already heard the mgilla and if she wants to get up and leave they can.

But please dont bring small children. Its just not right!