Toddler not falling asleep... Please help!

amother

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 7:14 am

My toddler has been unsettled for a while and recently simply does not fall asleep. He's almost two and stays awake and playful for hours, refusing to go to sleep. Occasionally he will fall asleep normal time only to awaken later on... and sometimes will awaken in the night despite having fallen asleep hours after his bedtime. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and drained from spending so much energy getting him to sleep yet have no clue how to solve the problem.

I have tried wheeling him in his pushchair in a dark room with soothing music, putting him to bed later, but nothing seems to have the desired effect. He does sometimes fall asleep in his pushchair but only really late, but I don't want to encourage that!

PLEASE put forward your ideas!!!

amother

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 12:12 pm

OP here.

Thanks busydev! What do you mean by rest of his sleep? When he's asleep he's asleep, doesn't awaken from every little noise and used to sleep through the night...
He used to nap for two hours during the day after playgroup but I cut it out now in the hopes that he'll be more tired at night. No change so far though. His general bedtime is 7pm, he eats well, drinks well, room is dark and there doesn't appear to be any distractions. He was consistently falling asleep on time however due to a change that required DH to put him to bed for a couple of days he became unsettled. That happened a while ago and though things have long returned to normal he doesn't seem to be settling down.
We have a night time routine which has stayed the same for as long as I can remember. He gets a bottle of water, we read a bedtime story, I kiss him and put him into bed and then we say Shema. I would then walk out and close the door. He would finish drinking and immediately fall asleep.

Hope that gives a better picture... TIA.

busydev

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 12:23 pm

I meant his naps.

most almost 2 year olds take naps. My DS is 22mo and sleeps great (except for after changes but then it takes a little while to get back)- and ill give you his schedule as an example. not every kid will have the same schedule of course.

DS wakes about 7am.
I recently moved his nap later because he will soon be going to playgroup and not getting home till 1:30ish. So now he naps from 1:30 for 2-3 HOURS.
and then he goes to bed at 8pm. and sleeps thru.

a toddler this age NEEDS 13-14 hours of sleep in 24 hours. that means they need a nap. If they dont have enough sleep then they get overtired and the rest of their sleep cycle is messed up.

your night time routine sounds good.
What do you do when he wakes up in middle of the night?

We started using a noise machine because of squeaky floors (in our apt and our upstairs neighbor's) and street noises and found it helped DS sleep better (we have been using it for months already- maybe a little after he turned a year).

fully darkening the room helped also esp as sunrise and sunset times change.

what was his schedule like before the change when DH put him to sleep for a few nights? When DH has to put DS to sleep it does go differently. he will often cry for a minute or two- he almost never does by me. so when it happens a couple times in a row he gets put out by it. I do try to have DH do it every couple weeks for a night so that he is semi used to it (esp since im due in about a month)

bamamama

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 12:43 pm

Don't try to put a child who isn't tired to bed. You said he no longer naps? Is he getting enough physical activity during the day (hard to imagine a toddler who doesn't!)?

Are you willing to try to put him to bed at 8 instead? Or 8:30? I have a kid who just doesn't need as much sleep as the books say he should. He has always been a night owl - preferring to sleep in.

amother

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 12:47 pm

OP here. Thanks for taking the time to write all that!

In general I've found that if my kids missed their afternoon nap their usual sleep pattern went out the window. That's why I've always been so particular about their naps but since he's been going to sleep so late despite his nap I've decided to try things differently and cut it out. He's so tired today, I hope it'll work.

Before all this his schedule was as follows:

Wake up at 7am
Take a nap at 1:30 after playgroup for 2 hours
Bedtime routine begins at 7pm and asleep shortly after

Recently I've tried wheeling him to sleep in his pushchair and then transferring him that way I can try different methods to get him sleepy without disturbing my other kids. I've tried wheeling him in a very dark room, singing to him, putting on baby sleep cd's to get him relaxed and sleepy, letting him cry it out a little, but nothing seems to work. Of course, I was consistent with each method for a while before trying another and I've had plenty of time for that considering that it's already this way for 3 months. The struggle is usually the same when he awakens in the middle of the night and he can remain awake for a couple of hours.

*sigh*

amother

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 12:49 pm

bamamama wrote:

OP here. I've tried putting him to bed later but he doesn't seem ready for bed before 10:30, and even then it's not always a breeze. He can't need that little sleep!

Aribenj

Thu, Aug 15 2013, 1:07 pm

Have you ever watched him as he fell asleep? I mean, have you ever witnessed his whole process?

I've had 2 sons with the same problem.

With the first, at age 3 he'd be awake for hours. I had to lie down next to him until he'd drift off (otherwise he'd just get out of bed). But it was VERY hard for him. He physically could not wind down. His eyes would start to close but then theyd fly open again and he'd start singing or telling me about his day. Then he'd quiet down and his eyes would start to droop and repeat the whole thing. It's like he just couldn't relax enough to drift off. Finally his doctor prescribed 0.5 mg melatonin which helped him a lot. After a few weeks we weaned him off and now he is my best sleeper. He falls asleep the minute his head hits the pillow.

With my second, at age 18months, it would also take him forever to go to sleep. He'd say goodnight, then I'd hear him sing, then be quiet. then talk, then be quiet. Then scream. Then cry. Finally it would be quiet. So I got a video camera to see what the problem was. Again, the kid could just not wind down. I mean after 2 hours of fighting sleep he'd be sitting up, using his hands to keep his eyes open and finally giving up and litterally FALLING asleep. As in, he'd fall asleep sitting like that and then his head would hit the pillow. With him, we didn't do melatonin. It was just a question of making his bedtime routine a little longer and calmer and adding lots more cuddling. He still went to sleep at the same time, we just started tucking him in bed earlier. So instead of book, shema, bed, it's bookS, a song, we talk about his day, another song, some more cuddling, and shema, and finally bed. Now instead of taking him 2-3 hours to fall asleep it only takes him 20 minutes. I guess he just needed more mommy time to soothe him.

amother

Fri, Aug 16 2013, 5:14 am

sped wrote:

I found that my ds would have a harder time falling asleep when he hadn't slept enough. Sleep brings sleep..

OP here. I know that but he doesn't fall asleep... Any ideas as to how I can get him really sleepy? Last night he was so tired after not sleeping all day, went to sleep at seven, woke up at nine, was playful and awake until past eleven when he went to sleep again, woke again at three, was awake until past four when he fell asleep in my bed. No sleep for Mum of course...! I'm beyond exhausted and would love to try to let him cry it out one night so that he gets used to a normal schedule again but it wakes up my other kids so is not a solution!!

What can I do?!

busydev

Fri, Aug 16 2013, 11:31 am

first put the nap back into his day.

is there anyone he would be waking up then? do a naptime routine (similar to bedtime or make your own- but short) and make the room as dark as possible, get a fan or noise machine to drown out other household noises and put him in. let him cry then if you want- no kids to wake up. I would leave him in there for at least 1.5 hours. If he isnt crying at 1.5 hours then dont go in till he calls out cries after that time. he may talk to himself the whole time- just leave him even after 1.5 hrs that till he starts crying or calling to come out. at the very least it will be some down time.

then make bedtime a little later and again do the routine and put him in. Probably a better idea then bringing him to your bed would be to have a chair near his crib and when he wakes up in the middle of the night you go and sit next to him to comfort him so he doesnt wake the rest of the kids. he has to get used to not playing then and not joining mommy in bed. cold turkey is the only way to go. hopefully after a few nights he will get the message and you will be able to get some sleep again.

you could try bringing a mattress into the room so you can lie down and hopefully get some sleep while hes in there.

then the next day make sure you give him nap time again and continue with the night time thing until it gets better.

I never had experience with any of the night stuff, but thats what they say to do in some of the books I read. the nap thing I have done. a couple times when ds was overtired and cooky I put him in and left him and he would usually talk to himself going on an hour- sometimes crying for a minute here or there and very often falling asleep closer to 1.5 hours then to when I put him in. sometimes he doesnt fall asleep, but doesnt call or cry again till 2 hours when I will take him out. but if I dont give him the break/rest time he becomes a total basket case.