Was this weird? | Imamother

amother

Fri, Nov 22 2013, 10:28 am

my dd was on the bus and this charedi man who was sitting next to her started talking to her and asking loads of questions about herself. He asked her where does she live, what is her name, what does she do, how old is she, where does she go to shul,, etc etc and she said it was very uncomfortable. He then asked her is she looking for a shidduch because he can arrange one. Again she was very uncomfortable so she said no she is not looking she has a boyfriend. And then he started asking lots of questions about her "boyfriend". By the way dd is not charedi she is modern orthodox but she dresses modern, very fashion conscious, trendy.

marshmellow

Fri, Nov 22 2013, 10:35 am

yes, you don't start talking to a stranger let alone female, and ask them personal questions.

I am a very private person. It's not fair.

zaq

Fri, Nov 22 2013, 10:49 am

The fact that the man was willing to sit next to her shoud have been red flag #1. That he started talking to her was red flag #2. That he asked personal questions was red flag #3.

Please tell me she didn't answer his questions! Didn't her mother teach her not to talk to strange men, even those who look like Bnei Torah?
.

amother

Fri, Nov 22 2013, 11:03 am

zaq wrote:

He was already sitting there, she went to sit next to him but not directly next to him, there was a gap in the middle of them. She did not want to talk and she did not converse with him but she could not get off the bus because it is dangerous in the area she was in it is very quiet.

phillymom

Fri, Nov 22 2013, 11:59 am

Sounds super creepy to me.
Also sounds like your daughter has a great sense of healthy boundaries and confidence to stand up to an adult if she feels that her boundaries are being crossed. Good for you!

FranticFrummie

Fri, Nov 22 2013, 7:04 pm

It's wonderful that she told you all about it. You must be doing a great job with her!

Hashem should keep all our children safe. Hug

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 2:56 pm

Yes very.
also, tell her if that ever happens again, go to the front of the bus near the driver. This will make them scared.

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 4:33 pm

I have never heard of a man working as a shadchan that is not very tsnius at all, and why would he approach a girl he doesn't know from Adam about it but just saw her on the bus? sounds fishy and kind of dangerous to me.

Beyla

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 4:51 pm

It's so common to meet this kind of people who are strange and want to introduce you to someone when they just meet you.... Rolling Eyes

In maybe almost every shul there is someone like that.
I think I woud have moved to another seat. Even if rude. Exploding anger

imasinger

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 6:13 pm

I was willing to be d"lz until the part about asking questions about her boyfriend. Maybe suggest that at the first hint of pushing boundaries (like when he asked if she was looking for a shidduch, or even before), you could suggest that she could say, "No, and I don't share personal information with strange men."

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 6:19 pm

imasinger wrote:

I hope she never meets him again
after she told him she has a boyfriend, apparently he asked her is he in yeshiva, is he shomer Shabbat etc etc. It was really weird, and anyway there was no boyfriend but she had to say something to get out of it. It was definitely weird can't get my head around it and what it was all about.

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 6:23 pm

apparently he actually just said "do you want a shidduch?" and that he can arrange one

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 6:41 pm

Maybe he just thought that she looks like the type of girl someone he knows would like? Obviously it was wrong and inappropriate to start talking to a her and ask all those personal questions - THAT was wrong, but maybe he just thought she looked nice and that she actually would be interested or looking to get married What

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 6:46 pm

Something like that happened when I was a. Teenager living in Brooklyn , a chassis he looking man followed me and asked me questions about shidducim I tried to brush him off but he continued, when he started asking me about mikvah issues, I got scared and ran into a store !
It really was creepy for me and sounds creepy for your dd

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 6:56 pm

amother wrote:

That is just tough luck. You don't start talking to a girl and make her uncomfortable by asking intrusive personal questions. And what kind of girl would accept to have a shidduch from a strange man who she doesn't know who already made her uncomfortable?

black sheep

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 9:42 pm

Very weird and inappropriate. Adult men don't chat up teenage girls in any circles. I would not suggest trying to be dan lekaf zechus, instead teach your daughter to trust her instincts and steer clear of creepy men.

ElTam

Sat, Nov 23 2013, 11:26 pm

Yep, super creepy. If she gave him any identifying information, I would prepare her for the chance that he might approach her/contact her and prime her for what to do if that happens. Better safe than sorry.