Was this right? | Imamother

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Was this right?

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 1:27 am

We were trying to get rid of an old couch. We were not even going to ask for any money. We found someone who was getting married in a few months and that was that. Well, we needed the couch to be removed from where it was being held and so I emailed the mother to remind her that her son needed to get it soon. She informed me that her son, just the day before (coincidence or what?) had found a furnished apartment and wont be needing the couch anymore.
How is this right? Shouldnt her son have to take it off our hands? We were counting on this. I find it to be completely unethical. Am I over reacting? Now we have to find someone new and it was so hard to find anyone to begin with. Sad

abound

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 2:39 am

I understand you are frustrated, but yes it is ethically correct. He did nothing wrong and does not need to take the couch off your hands. If he let weeks go by without telling you that he is not taking the couch then it would not be nice but it would still be ethical.
Maybe post the details here and someone will take it. If you post it on Craigs list, I am sure it will go fast too. If you live near a college then hang up a sign there and it will be gone.

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 2:42 am

abound wrote:

No craigs list, no uni. I am in Israel.
And yes, I made up with the mother about a month and a half ago that he was going to take it and then a few days ago she tells me he isnt. And she only told me because I emailed her to find out what was happening.

smss

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 3:24 am

that's annoying, OP. but no, I don't really think they did anything wrong. if you don't want money for it anyway, just put it out by your dumpster. either someone will take it or it will be thrown out with the trash.

imasinger

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 3:29 am

The only thing they did wrong was not contacting you as soon as they had made other arrangements. Have pity on them. Weddings are a crazy time with many details to arrange.

Can you ask around and see if there is a furniture gemach or tzedaka organization that will take it?

Maybe post about it here in Classifieds and see if anyone is interested?

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 3:35 am

smss wrote:

Putting it out by our dumpster is easier said than done Smile

its down the block, there is none right near my home.
Oh well.

DrMom

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 3:36 am

They probably thought the couch was theirs if they wanted it, but they didn't know you *needed it removed*.

They probably assumed it didn't matter to you one way or the other if they took it or not.

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 3:36 am

DrMom wrote:

They probably thought the couch was theirs if they wanted it, but they didn't know you *needed it removed*.

They probably assumed it didn't matter to you one way or the other if they took it or not.

No they knew, we had talked about it.

paprika

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 4:01 am

It's annoying, but that's life. These things happen all the time. When somebody doesn't shop around and work hard to find something, they usually reject things that fall into their lap.

abound

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 4:10 am

what sort of couch, maybe someone here wants it?

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 4:13 am

abound wrote:

what sort of couch, maybe someone here wants it?

Its a love seat and it has a rip in the middle and one of the arms also is very ripped. Its not real leather so it can not be fixed (we asked about it). Its almost 9 years old.

Lady Godiva

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 5:40 am

They probably thought you were giving them the couch for free merely out of generosity, not because you had no other way to have it removed from your house.

They do not have to remove the couch for you. What they did was not unethical. It would have been much more pleasant for you had they let you know that they will not be needing the couch--and they probably should have done that, but that does not leave them responsible to dispose of your unneeded furniture.

Lady Godiva

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 5:42 am

amother wrote:

Its a love seat and it has a rip in the middle and one of the arms also is very ripped. Its not real leather so it can not be fixed (we asked about it). Its almost 9 years old.

Then you throw it out.
You don't give it to newlyweds. Exclamation

IMHopinion

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 7:02 am

THey did nothing wrong.
You said its hard to dispose of, it seems like you are trying to throw it on to someone else to take care of.

Throw it out. It is torn and well used.

greenfire

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 7:16 am

quite often I see on craigslist things listed as FREE: wood for burning - if you chop down our tree

what it really is a free service to you to have someone come & cut down your tree so you don't have to shell out the monies

face the reality ~ the couch is garbage ... you said so yourself & no almost newlywed has the time or wherewithal to be your garbage man

seeker

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 7:52 am

So instead of offering it as a favor to people, ASK some neighbors if they can do YOU a favor and help you get it out to the dumpster.

abound

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 9:59 am

Get some guys from you local grocery and offer 2 guys 50 nis each to throw it out for you. I did that when I arrived to Israel to the 4th floor with 6 huge suitcases. The fruits and veg store on the corner did not mind that I took his guys for 5 minutes and I paid them, they were happy to make some extra cash for 7 minutes of work.

shalhevet

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 11:43 am

amother wrote:

Wow, I am just lost for words. You said it is ripped and can't be fixed and no one wants to take it. Did the chatan see it/ hear about it before or would he have come (possibly paid money to have someone move it) and found it was useless or come and waste his time and feel embarrassed once he was already at your place to say no?

Poor people are not there to be your free schleppers. This is like the people who give stained and torn clothing to "tzedaka" because they can't be bothered to sort through it.

How sweet of you not to even ask for any money for removing your junk. If no one wants it, not even "nebach poor people", presumably that's a sign that it's outlived it's useful life and you'll have to pay someone to take it away.

smss

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 11:50 am

shalhevet wrote:

uh, why is a couch "useless" because it's ripped? all of our furniture is in very very used condition. I really don't care. it works & does the job & it was really cheap.

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 11:58 am

shalhevet wrote:

Of course the chatan saw it. Why do you automatically assume not? It is not useless at all. it is just ripped, but completely usable. We bought new couches and wanted to get rid of the old one. We were using them just fine and the chatan was completely in the know about the condition of the couch.
You said poor people are not my shleppers. First of all, who said anything about poor people? I asked in my community if anyone wants a couch, before we just chuck it, that is ripped etc. and this family responded.
Shalhevet, your tone of voice in this post is so terribly condescending and I realize that you dont like what I did or what you think I did, but dont assume things. As you see by my reply, not everything you thought is true.

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