Am I Wrong for feeling Wronged?

amother

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 7:34 pm

This week we had guests with a child...
Aside for the fact that the guests came with no gift, no offer to make a dish or even a thank you for the invitation (I invited the husband who is my relative and the wife never thanked for the invite when we spoke earlier that week) etc, the wife slept in for a long time after her husband left for shul and left me with her child in addition to my own family.

I generally don't mind helping people out and have guests all the time, but as it is I was feeling resentful for everything that led up to this and being pregnant maybe this is just my hormones speaking. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and resentful? Should I have sent the child back to her mother (She was very clingy and didn't want to play with my children)

I'd like to get your opinions ladies...

acccdac

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 7:38 pm

here is what I think.

you can feel however you want to feel.
are you justified at feeling annoyed or bothered by the situation......yes.

the question to me is "how do I go from here?"

Try and be dan lekaf zechus....it could be she is pregnant, was having a medical issue, etc.
If I were you I wouldnt invite them again. No one ever said you have to be a door mat. You were nice, you tried, you offered, and they gave you no form of gratitude in return. Therefore you live and learn.

there is no reason to be mean to them or to ignore them or to give them a cold shoulder.

mummiedearest

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 7:45 pm

I know some people who are just bad guests. they don't realize it, but they take advantage of their hosts. sometimes they host and expect the guests to watch the kids. here's what I do.

"george, where's tatty?"

"napping."

"oh, good. go to tatty and tell him that he's in charge of you."

you invited these relatives to come for shabbos. you did not expect to babysit. HOWEVER, the mom may not have realized that her kid was going to be needy in your home. maybe he plays nicely with other kids. who knows. you need to let her know your expectations. next time you invite them, ask them outright to bring a salad, dessert, wine, whatever you feel appropriate. and if the mom sleeps in again, send the child to her to "see if she's awake." she'll get the hint.

greenfire

Sun, Mar 30 2014, 7:50 pm

I'm sure the mother was too busy sleeping to realize what was going on ... what's one extra kid in the scope of life

if people only did things for the 'thank-yous' & presents - less people would be doing favours

you didn't invite them with rules - did you ?

suzyq

Mon, Mar 31 2014, 3:13 pm

Could it be that the wife didn't realize her husband had left since she was sleeping? Doesn't make it the right thing to do, and the husband should have woken her before he left. And yes, they should have offered to/or brought something, but not everyone is especially socially aware. Just don't invite them any more.

amother

Mon, Mar 31 2014, 3:38 pm

as a relative, to bring a gift/dish is definitely always appreciated & a very nice thing; but I realize more & more not everyone does it. it could be the travel (if live out of town) & tight on $, people don't bring. but like mummiedearest suggested, you could definitely ask if they mind to bring a salad or whatever as it would help out...
as far as babysitting the kid - I understand it can be annoying; but when people accept an invite - it is usually bec they need a break or want a break & use it to their advantage - I don't think people do this to be mean. but you could ask to trade off - you are exhausted & would like a little nap -
good luck (some guests just don't know how to be helpful guests....just wait to see this on Pesach)

SplitPea

Mon, Mar 31 2014, 3:38 pm

The not thanking and not bringing anything I think could just be cultural.

The leaving you to babysit. It could be that at home the kid plays by the self nicely while the mom sleeps. Next time when the husband is leaving say something like "please make sure your wife is awake to take care if shlomie"
Knock on the door "little Chaya needs you"
Etc. you need to speak up. Some people are just clueless

imasinger

Mon, Mar 31 2014, 3:46 pm

Is it possible that "little Chaya" usually has nobody else around and wakes Mommy when Tatty leaves, but this time, did not know how to behave or what to do? And that Mommy never expected not to be woken up?

Still, the mother should have thanked you and apologized once she heard what was going on.

Since this is a relative, I agree that you should invite them again sometime, but ask them to bring something, and discuss ahead of time what to do in the morning. Perhas a quiet word from your DH to the clueless father -- " oh, before we leave for shul, maybe you could let your DW knowthat little Chaya is awake and looking for her."