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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

When to potch?

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5*Mom

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:13 pm

otsrock wrote:

Babies are quicker.

Lol, are you for real?

otsrock

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:14 pm

And yes, she does know I love her because I hug her after I potch her for touching the floor lamp.

And the floor lamp is our only source of light in the living room, it's not there for decor. Maybe we should walk in the dark? We babyproofed what we could (bookcases packed tight, stove knob covers).

Jewishmom8

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:26 pm

I've seen these parents.
"now now yossie dont touch the burners" the kids run away laughing.
with one look my kid knows mommy means business. they will not even try it because they KNOW.

heidi

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:28 pm

I am so confused. How does a child run into a street if you are holding his hand anytime you are anywhere near the street? And if you are too umm, not smart, to not have "holding mommy's hand anytime we're near a street rule", why should he be punished, oops, I mean "potched"?

Jewishmom8

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:34 pm

heidi wrote:

you know I am always very careful to hold a kids hand that age. like a 2 year old. they either hold my hand or hold the stroller. I remember one day my now 10 year old was like 2 and we were walking to the park and she was holding a small ball in one hand and she dropped it and ran.
life happens and you can't be in control every second. life isnt like that.

gold21

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:36 pm

otsrock wrote:

In response to the comment about hitting a 6 month old who kicks me, that is a completely irrelevant comparison. Please don't assume mothers who spank their children when THEY DO DANGEROUS things would spank their child in any situation the mother doesn't like. My husband and I see plenty of kids and teenagers who could have used a good porch to set them straight. This is American parenting and self gratification at it's worst. All pleasure, right? Well, I don't enjoy potching my child, even when it's something dangerous. And no, it's not pleasant. But some good things come from something unpleasant. Lfum Tzara Agra, anyone? This is what's best for my child. And no, potching a child who runs into a street/goes for the burner does not mean I'm not watching my child. Kids are quick. Babies are quicker. And yes, I am proud that I potch for dangerous situations. My child knows I love her. When she grows up, she won't be one of those children who "could have used a potch". I am curious how many of the potch naysayers are American born and bred (parents too). Where are your "everything must be pleasant all the time" hashkafas coming from?

Um, like all your points are relevant?

"L'fum Tzaarah Agra" has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

"Everything must be pleasant all the time"? Did I ever suggest that?

"One of those children who couldve used a potch"? My kids are actually pretty well behaved, thankyouverymuch. B"H. I 100 percent believe in disciplining kids. You think I never raise my voice at my kids? Um, maybe in my dreams I don't...

An 18 month old is not a kid, but a baby.

Last edited by gold21 on Sun, Apr 06 2014, 1:27 pm; edited 2 times in total

heidi

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 12:37 pm

I understand that it happens, but the message that OP seems to be giving is that she puts the kid in situations where it happens.. Alot

allrgymama

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 1:33 pm

I don't know where you got that from. In my original post, I gave two examples of dangerous situations in which a child of mine might do something to deserve a potch. They were examples of what I consider to be behavior deserving a potch -- not a statement that my children go into the street or reach for knives on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis.

Furthermore, I don't know about other places in the world (or even Lakewood), but on my block, 'the summer' means that time of year when pretty much no one goes inside from when their kids get home from playgroup/school until bedtime. Even supper happens outside for most of us. Depending on the year, that could last from April till October/November. That's more than half of the year.

So, yeah. 5 potches in a 7 or 8 month period is not something that I would consider abusive behavior.

And you cannot be in control and in the same room or the same daled amos of a two year old (who, I'll remind you, this post was NOT about) at all times. I mean -- there are mothers on the board who have 2 1/2 year olds and newborns. Do you chain your two year olds down when you're nursing or bottle feeding so that they're forced to stay in the same room as you? Or is it totally normal that you might be nursing in your room and they might be playing in their own room?

And really, I should call a neighbor to watch my two year old if I have to go to the bathroom? Do you do that? Do you know anyone who does that, because I don't.

Similarly, I might be cooking in the kitchen and my two year old is playing the living room -- or I might be straightening up in the living room and she wandered into the kitchen with a toy and then decided something in the kitchen looks interesting.

Don't tell me that a two year old can't drag a chair over to the counter because mine can and she has been doing it for months. Baruch Hashem I usually AM in the same room as they are and so if they reach for a knife if the drawer I'm within arm's reach -- but it is reasonable to assume that a mother is not ALWAYS in the same room as her child.

And what about those mothers who are too busy schmoozing to watch their children AND don't potch them, like most of the mothers on my block? At least my kids haven't ever had a near miss in being hit by a car. And if a potch is what it takes, then I am okay with that.

Also, you have to know your kids and ages and times of year make a difference. I never had to potch my older daughter not to go into the street because by the time she was walking well enough for it to be an issue she was more than two years old.

greenfire

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 2:44 pm

you're young enough to be my child & you need to be taught to watch your children properly ... I'm beginning to think you need a swift smack ... so as to condition you STOP IT !!!

greenfire

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 2:50 pm

I have a classmate who was sitting at home one peaceful friday night ... her husband holding child's hand took him to shul ... he squirmed out of his hand & said child ran into the street never to take a breath of life again ... she lost her firstborn son

you know what I learned from this [staying in my mind many years later] ... holding a hand is never enough ... I had a squirmy child & I held her wrist tight ... she hated it - but I love her enough to make sure she doesn't squirm out of said hold & into oncoming traffic ... nothing short of that helped

I did not ever dream of spanking her to think it would suffice at risking her life & limb

rather than punish them for being a baby a toddler a child - grow up & take responsibilities for your children !!!

MaBelleVie

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 3:08 pm

There's a difference between letting a toddler play in close proximity to the street, and possibly having a toddler push a chair to the counter and grab a knife out of the sink while you're bringing a plate of food into the dining room. One is, IMO, gross negligence, and the other is a more excusable oversight.

But I have no idea how potching would prevent a toddler from deciding to do something unsafe out of the blue at home anyway.

groisamomma

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 6:52 pm

marina wrote:

I spanked for running into the street. Always. Because a spank is a fast and immediate consequence that the child will remember and could save his or her life. I just don't think a time out chair or anything like that will remotely have the same effect.

I don't really care if the child thinks I don't love her or is miserable for the next half hour or learns to hit as a way of solving problems or whatever dramatic horrible consequences you might think result from 1-2 spanks over 2 years. I care if my child is dead. And I don't care about all the judgmental kumbaya peace and love mommies out there.

They can risk their kids lives by punishing with a time out, the same thing they'd do for a temper tantrum or dumping out the toys or whatever. And that's how I judge them- they risk their children's lives in the name of being a loving mom. And yes that's how I view many of you here. You risk your kids' lives.

I agree with every word in this post. I am truly surprised anyone else in the world thinks like I do on this topic.

groisamomma

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 6:53 pm

greenfire wrote:

- teach them & protect them by holding their hands

greenfire wrote:

... her husband holding child's hand took him to shul ... he squirmed out of his hand & said child ran into the street never to take a breath of life again ... she lost her firstborn son

... holding a hand is never enough ...

I think I prefer a swift, memorable smack rather than twisting my child's wrist (as an earlier post of yours indicated).

marina

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:14 pm

I don't even get it. According to many of the posters here, the toddler is not able to learn the connection between a spank and not running into the street. That child's cognitive skills are just insufficient and she won't remember anything, etc., etc.

And yet- that very same child has enough cognitive skills and memory to understand and remember that a single spank means mommy doesn't love me or the only way to solve problems is through hitting or power hungry parents scare their kids into submission or whatever you think that child understands.

You can't really have it both ways. If the child's development is not mature enough for her connect the spanking punishment with her conduct, then the child's development is certainly not mature enough to understand any of the more complicated concepts in my second paragraph in this post.

marina

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:17 pm

And I would not necessarily spank for touching the burners. That's different than the street in terms of natural consequences

Touching fire and pulling your hand away leaves a slight burn as a natural consequence. The child immediately learns not to touch the burner again.

Running into the street leaves the child dead as a natural consequence and the child doesn't learn anything because he or she is in the morgue.

greenfire

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:18 pm

groisamomma wrote:

I think I prefer a swift, memorable smack rather than twisting my child's wrist (as an earlier post of yours indicated).

her wrist was held firmly so she wouldn't run into the street - little hands slip right out of your hand ... don't twist my words !!!

MaBelleVie

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:22 pm

marina wrote:

What if a child touches a cold burner?

marina

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:27 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

What if a child touches a cold burner?

I'm not sure I understand. Why would it be a problem for a child to touch a cold burner more than it would be to touch an unlit match or whatever? I wouldn't spank for either of those. I'd take away the matches and move the kid from the stove, I'd say don't touch boo-boo or something like that, but not a big deal.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:34 pm

marina wrote:

How is touching a cold burner different from stepping into the curb of an empty street?

marina

Sun, Apr 06 2014, 7:36 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

How is touching a cold burner different from stepping into the curb of an empty street?

because touching a hot burner is different than stepping into a busy street?

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