Why are so many young families moving back?

yihyetov

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 12:04 pm

So basically I dream about making Aliya...my kids are small and I want to do it while they are young. But every time I think of a young couple with little kids that I know living in israel, I find out that they've moved back! It scares me to see this trend. its like they start out all hopefull..then their kids get a bit older, and enter school age..and suddenly theyre back! What is holding people back from making it in Israel? Is it the schooling? The parnassa? this is not one or two couples. This is like every one I know literally! When I go...I dont want to come back. Any wise words about mistakes not to make? Or misconceived notions that people make when going? What can I expect? I dont expect a fairy tale..but I want it to work! any and all advice welcome!

Sanguine

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 12:48 pm

Come prepared. Do you both have college degrees? Do you have careers that are needed here? Do you have savings towards an apartment, a car... I made it (a long time ago) and I know many couples who came more recently and made it. Finances is a big part. Will you be able to find work?

Tell us about you - professions, savings, dl/chareidi or anything in between. Do you own a house now? What type of place do you want to live in? Do you have friends who are here? where? How long are you married?

yihyetov

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 1:14 pm

yes so these are good questions. We dont really fit in perfectly to a type. My husband wears a knitted kipa with a black hat. colored shirts etc..He is a strong Breslover. (The american type, from Rabbi Rosenfeld) He works thru the internet. I enjoy being fashionable (I am a makeup artist) and will want to continue to wear a wig, and my leggings etc...but we have very strong hashakofos and do not have a telivision etc.. Im pretty american in terms of needing things nice, clean, and green. We dont have the means to buy so at this point we would need to rent. All of our family is in america! so we will truly be all alone. Tis is why a community that is very involved and like a family wud be crucial for us. We have two little girls. My oldest 4. I imagine the best of both worlds. a clean neat small town/city near parks and the beach with a strong close knit community. I dont mind diversity at all. But I would mind being the only one like me...If I dont make sense plz let me know..lol!

DrMom

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 1:27 pm

yihyetov wrote:

If you know them well enough, why don't you ask them? Everyone's experiences are different.

I know lots of people who have come on aliyah in the past 5 years and only a small fraction left. One left because it was hard being away from family and 2 left for parnassa reasons.

ElTam

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 1:35 pm

Totally anecdotal, but of the families we know who have made aliyah in the last 10 years (and we know A LOT), only two have come back, both due to parnassah. So lots of people ARE making it. But, the people we know who are going are very committed to living in Israel, and are willing to sacrifice to do it, not just trying it out.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 1:51 pm

I personally know of many young families who have come on aliyah. None have gone back. One family with older kids left because they could not make it parnasa wise, but they were not with little kids and they also left after a very short try here.
I dont know why your friends are returning to america. As someone else said, why dont you ask them why they are leaving?
Also, what are they doing here? That can also make a big difference. The only couples/young families that I know that have left are kollel families that were not planning on staying anyway.

chaiz

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 3:41 pm

We are here for nine months so far, and I worry every day if we can make it here. But, I have met quite a number of people who are here for a while and are not looking to go back anytime soon. I have met a number of people in my city who came here as kids or their parents came as a young couple and they are settled here and happy. Meaning young couples or families came and their kids are also here and from what I can tell are happy and each time I hear it I find it comforting. So there are definitely those who come and stay and have grandchildren here.

Though we have not yet dealt with schools...

Dr.Mom is right. You might want to ask the families if you are close enough.

chaiz

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 3:46 pm

yihyetov wrote:

Thanks for the replies. very wise. Now that a wrote a bit about myself, cant I hijack my own post and ask for suggestions on where to settle?

You might want to look at Nefesh B'Nefesh as they have a good list of places in Israel with basic information on contacts for further research. http://www.nbn.org.il/aliyahpe......html
Beitar may or not be an option. There are some here who live here and probably could advise you.

amother

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 4:00 pm

My husband and I came here with the mindset of 'trying it out' for a year. It's six years now and we're still here but honestly as much as we wanted to settle and buy an apt here we came to the conclusion that it's just too hard financially and being so far from family. Missing out on simchas and making simchos bh on our own makes us feel lonely. So as much as we love it here we are considering moving back within a year or two.

ewa-jo

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 4:18 pm

B"H, we are here in Israel 7 years now, but let me give you my idea of why people move back.

If you have a good job, you can live allright... a little less comfortably than in America.... you may be able to afford a car, you will probably be able to buy your kids fruit yogurts and new outfits for yontif a few times a year... *BUT* if you want to buy a house, it's nearly impossible to come up with the cash for a downpayment! For real, it's like you need 40% or 50% down before the mortgage people look at you.

So yeah, let's say you decide to spend a few years scrimping and saving... taking the bus and skipping the yogurts and searching the gemach for kids clothes.... yeah, no, that still won't be enough to buy a house.

Some people are more OK with renting than others, but it's hard to be at the mercy of a landlord. It's very discouraging to look at your future (and see rents rising and home prices rising) and knowing that you won't be able to own your own home.

yihyetov

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 4:18 pm

chani8 wrote:

You dont fit into a neat box, OP, so it wont be simple. Look on Frantic Frummies thread about where to settle. She's got similar issues of not fitting in the standard charedi box.

yes, thank you. I read thru it. I think we differ a bit. For me a social network is very important as well as community.

chaiz

Tue, Apr 29 2014, 4:23 pm

ewa-jo wrote:

It is a real issue and one I am really nervous about. The issue is that in some parts of the States it is just as bad. I know one can move to other areas, but if my family is in New York I would be quite hesitant to move just because. And other areas that have good housing do not have good job markets. There are places that do have both, but that is not so easy to find and not always do they have the community either. I am not trying to say that those that go back are wrong, but I know that for me, going back to the States might just not solve our problem.