Worried about hostess falsifying

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Volunteer

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 12:43 pm

Thank you for posting this thread. Lately, it feels like I've only been reading about child abuse, kidnapping, suicide, addictions, divorce, and other heartbreaking tragedies on imamother.

I'll take (possibly) frozen hors-d'oeuvres over those stories any day.

I'd express my opinion on this pivotal, life-altering issue, but I personally benefited from laughing at this thread, so I can't be objective enough.

Emily Thorne

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 12:54 pm

I envy you. Apparently you have no daagos, that you have nothing better to do....

sequoia

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 12:57 pm

I think this is part of a larger trend, this idea that everything indicates mental health issues.

No, OP, buying something and saying you made it does not mean anything at all. It's so common it's played out in practically every sitcom and chicklit novel.

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:13 pm

Quote:

I think this is part of a larger trend, this idea that everything indicates mental health issues.

No, OP, buying something and saying you made it does not mean anything at all.

It's so common it's played out in practically every sitcom and chicklit novel.

Well, okay. Thank you for that insight. Because, not being overly familiar with these types of info, I would not have realized that.

(But doesn't one at least try to do it with something less identifiable? If that was truly the intention? Unlike the Progresso soup commercial?)

self-actualization

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:31 pm

I am a very honest person, the kind of person who "can not lie." However, when I was dating my husband, my sister and brother cooked us a Thanksgiving dinner. My husband turned to me and said - did you make this? I said - yes. (I didn't know how to cook, but I thought that this was a very important thing to stretch the truth over). Then he said - are you a good cook? And I said - yes. Later on he told me that this would have been a "make-it-or-break-it issue." I guess sometimes you just need to lie about cooking? It turns out that I am a pretty good cook, and I did commission my siblings to make the dinner, so neither of the statements were complete lies.

imaima

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:38 pm

amother wrote:

I’m really not sure where to post this or what I’m looking for, perhaps another perspective.

I recently attended a simcha at a home, thrown together by the hostess in a short period of time. She did a lovely, lovely job, in terms of food, table décor etc. It was a small gathering & I think all the other women were quite friendly and nothing seemed to be ‘judgemental’ or ‘trying to impress’.

Everything seemed to be homemade except for some miniature hors d’oevres type items such as I have often bought – you may have seen them, little franks & blanks, tiny egg rolls etc.

One of the women was saying how nicely shaped one type of those miniatures were, and I heard the hostess saying that she used a flaky dough, it’s tricky how you shape them, and yes, you have to bake them in cupcake tins to keep the shape etc.

But it was so clear to me that these were the ready-made type, and you generally can tell the difference between something home-made and something store-bought.

So, perhaps I totally misunderstood what she was saying, and she just meant you have to prepare them carefully even from the freezer. But I really don’t think I was mistaken.

Or, she miraculously (and mind you, in one day, while making all the other foods, buying the accessories etc) made something that looked exactly like store-bought.

Or, she has some pathological need to impress her friend, and I should be worried about her mental health?

(Note: I am not stam being a yenta. We are close with these folks in a mentor kind of way, and I do legitimately possibly have role to play to try to help if there is a concern that there’s something going on.)

What do y’all think?

I think it doesn't matter. Who cares if she made them or not, or if she lied to impress or not?

m in Israel

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:40 pm

I read this thread earlier this evening and thought it was a joke making fun of the tendency to make everything into a mental health issue! Now I came back and it looks like it was not intended to be humorous. Oops!

OP, no, it is not indicative of any issues and in fact is quite normal for people to occasionally tell "social lies". I'm not saying it is right to do so, but it certainly is not abnormal.

pelle

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 1:47 pm

When I started reading I thought you were going to say she lied about the kashrus of something! If your so concerned and need the peace of mind get dressed up in all black tonight and go through her garbage! But seriously, you are obligated to be Dan L'Kaf zechus her and FORGET ABOUT IT!!

bnm

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:07 pm

my mother made frank in blanks for my upsheren that look store bought. you want to see pictures? I'm assuming its not that hard, just the type of thing that is NOT MY SPEED. I was going to roll flaky around a big frank, slice and bake. she said its more elegant the cocktail franks with mini squares and volunteered to make it. leftovers are still in my freezer, I can snap a pix if you need proof its possible to hand make. and seriously, you think a machine makes them in the factory? its handwork.

Happy18

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:19 pm

I don't really see why it matters. She either made them or she didn't.

chocolate chips

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:27 pm

Now I have a complex that next time something I made looks too good people will think I lie when I say I made them!!!!
:eye roll:

OP seriously maybe she made them ages ago and took them out the freezer
maybe she really is a better cook than you
maybe she knows how to make them but bought them
maybe she knows how to make them but hates doing it so bought them
maybe she is pregnant so couldn't take the smell of making them herself so bought them
maybe she really is a balabusta and made them and thy came out amazing and she was so proud of herself!

Go look in your own grocery cart and be happy she served some to you whilst you were thinking this about her.

flowerpower

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:32 pm

Really, I may have done a white lie like that at least once in my life. I don't see it as someone being unstable or a chronic liar. I am impressed that this lady pulled off such a nice simcha in such a short time. Go her!

Last edited by flowerpower on Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

zaq

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:33 pm

"Falsifying"???? Give me a break! I thought you were going to say your hostess claimed the food has such-and-such a hechsher when it had none.

It's entirely possible that your hostess is a phenomenal cook, makes all these things from scratch and stocks her freezer so that she can in fact throw together a fancy shindig at a moment's notice. Or maybe not entirely from scratch--maybe she buys the dough and the filling and puts them together and shapes them with one of those wonderful gizmos sold on midnight TV.

But I can't imagine why you would care one iota about this. The woman has committed no crime. She was a pleasant hostess and served you a nice meal. Maybe she took credit for culinary skills not her own, maybe she didn't--who on earth cares? This does not call for investigation or even questioning. But YOU need to get a life!

chavs

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:40 pm

Aww thank you, I am sitting here laughing which I really needed, so thank you!

I hope that this will be your biggest problem ever, whether or not someone else lied about their food. Actually saying that, I tend to agree with the other posters that being this obsessed about whether someone lied about having made the food, might be indicative of a bigger problem. It doesnt seem healthy in the least. Furthermore, telling anyone else (including your dh) would be loshon horoh and than you have a really big problem.

Who cares if she lied about it and why! It also doesnt matter if she lied about something that looks less identifiable!
Honestly if you are thinking about becoming her mentor, I think you need to rethink it as analysing this to bits is intrusive, rude and frankly ridiculous!

ElTam

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 2:47 pm

I think the next time you get invited out, you should stay home. Seriously, if anyone's mental health is in question, it would be yours.

zaq

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 3:14 pm

amother wrote:

OP here.
I hear what you're all saying.

But let's assume she did buy them & felt the need to pretend she made them. Is that not clearly inidactive of s/t unhealthy?

What is indicative of s/t unhealthy is your concern about this.

smiledr

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 4:17 pm

ElTam wrote:

I think the next time you get invited out, you should stay home. Seriously, if anyone's mental health is in question, it would be yours.

Eitam , often you're responses are overly harsh. Maybe you should dial it back a bit - would you be ok if someone addressed you the way you often address others?

Frumdoc

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 4:18 pm

Thankyou for cheering me up, this is the funniest thread I've seen for ages.

I'm imagining a besheital'd lady snooping into her neighbor's garbage to look for the hidden box of frozen treats she just passed off as her own. The horror!

Rolling Laughter

ra_mom

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 4:56 pm

My goodness. Is this really what people are busy with?

amother

Tue, Jun 17 2014, 5:03 pm

I am the OP. And I've just been accused of planning to report my sister for doing the work for her husband's on-line degree. Well! The very idea!

Quote:

Are you the same amother as the falsifying hostess thread??

She certainly is not. I am, and I had no intention of reporting the hostess. I was merely concerned about why she would lie about something so innocent, and whether it indicated that she needed help.

I am not obsessed about this either. Just curious, because it would never occur to me to lie about something like this (or about anything, really).

And, as I did mention, these people look up to DH and me, so if it were indicative of some pathology, we might feel called upon to help them. I mean, if you saw your niece shop-lifting, would you just MYOB or would you try to get her help?

But, okay. You all say it's normal (even those of you who think I'm nuts.) So, fine. I am over it. Really. Everyone can calm down. Thanks.

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