Those whose husbands make $200,000 or more, what do they do?

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 5:58 pm

amother wrote:

I was amother who made 200 and DH 140. Lawyer and engineer. $$ only going up up up in the future.

Both hard work, sacrifice, go getters, driven, goal oriented, serious.

Luck? Not unless you count being born intelligent lucky. Our families didn't pay for college or grad school, we worked through and took loans. Not emotionally supportive either, and no family help with our kids. We didn't mess around and we always worked together. We never spent frivolously on clothes, fancy cars etc. our $$ always went back into investing in our kids (having them, taking good care of them, choosing good schools).

But the $$ wasn't worth the sacrifice of family time (we literally only had shabbos with our family) and the impact on our kids (we have a larger family for MO). Now that I'm not working, everyone is happier, our house is clean and organized (by me), we eat healthier. We live on a third of our former income and kids are on scholarship now.

I am also a lawyer with an engineer husband. I am also a SAHM now.

melalyse

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 10:35 pm

[quote="amother"]Do you think that its fair to ask that others pay your children's tuition (via scholarship) when you are able to do so, but have chosen not to?

Would you consider it appropriate for the school to say that it is taking into account your earning potential, and refusing to give you financial assistance? Or taking into account your greater earning potential, and basing financial need on a $200,000 income, since you could have the same impact on your family by your husband staying home?

Do you feel that another family in which both parents are working full time in order to earn the income generates $140,000, should be entitled to more assistance than you are?

Do you think that another family where both parents work and make what you used to make should get financial assistance, since the only difference between you and them is that you decided not to work?

Not suggesting the answers, simply posing the question.

By they way, though, you're not living on 1/3 of the income that you used to live on, you're just taking a chunk of the money from someone else, through scholarship.

ETA that I know of at least one school that would take your prior income into account, and deny financial aid.[/quote

she said that it was impacting her kids. There is a whole family dynamic going on. It is unfair to make a mother work a full, full time job even if she has the capability for it, if she can't mother properly. I think that a school should rather a parent ask for a tuition break than have children come to school with emotional issues, because of parents that can't deal with working full time and taking care of kids.

Jeanette

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 10:41 pm

amother wrote:

Quote:

Bank fraud and real estate schemes
I'll enjoy the money till he's caught and goes to jail
Then I'll move on

Dream on! Crime of all sorts is happenning among us!!!!

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com......html

Oh, I have no doubt it's happening.

For amother to so boldly and coolly confess to reaping the benefits of it until her husband gets caught, whereupon she's prepared to dump him... wow. I don't have words for that.

Anyway, you should watch Blue Jasmine. A well deserved academy award for the lead actress.

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 10:42 pm

FYI my husband makes 250k and we still have to sweat to pay the bills each month. Between tuition and full 10% mass at and food bills ( we eat real food veggies fruit meat chicken every day) and yom Tov and yom Tov food, camp and mortg/ real estate taxes/ ins etc. And I work too. Making 250 and being frum doesn't make you rich at all.

Jeanette

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 10:44 pm

amother wrote:

To the amother who just posted above with her questions to the woman who stopped working, I think that your questions are fair, but they are just as fair as questioning a million other decisions people make- how many kids they should have, what degree to pursue, etc. These are complicated questions without real answers or perhaps the real answer is that the expectation of private education is just not realistic for the Jewish community unless something big changes. Why should this woman have to work if it's not good for the emotional well being of her family? Should everyone be forced to get jobs as lawyers and doctors so that they can pay full-tuition even if it's not what they are interested in doing. I don't think so! Obviously, there's a lot of luck/mazel that is needed to make a good salary, but it's likely that a couple where one is pursuing a social work degree and one is in special education isn't going to be able to afford to pay full tuition for a bunch of children. Should we ban people from pursuing those careers? Do you think that the social work/special ed couple shouldn't get a scholarship since they chose those low paying careers?

Agreed on all points, and I want to add that being able to "afford" something financially doesn't necessarily mean you can afford the emotional or physical costs. If a job is taking too high of a toll on the family then they may have to make a change even if it means paying less to tuition. cutting back on work hours to preserve your mental health is no different than preserving phsyical health. I don't think anyone should have to drive themselves to mental or physical breakdown in order to pay tuition. Yes, you should pay the maximum you can afford but if you're worn down and exhausted and your children are not getting cared for, then you can no longer afford to work that job.

Ema of 5

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 10:51 pm

amother wrote:

It does....you just have to know how to get the most out of it. Eating meat and chicken every day is an expense, one that many people don't enjoy. If you live a high lifestyle, then you will probably feel more strapped. I don't make much and my husband definitely doesn't make $200,000 or $250,000 but for the most part we don't really feel strapped. We send our kids (with the exception of the oldest) to less expensive camps, I get their clothing at less expensive stores (target, children's place on sale + coupons) and we don't have meat or chicken every day. Some months are tighter than others, but bh we have always been able to pay our bills.

Lalu

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:03 pm

I make over 200,000.00 as a university professor. I do have a Ph.D and worked very hard to earn that degree. I have been in academia for 20 years and enjoyed almost every day of it.

Am I a driven person - yes, yet gently. My husband makes 85,000.00 without a college degree. He is extremely driven and works very hard.

We give significant amounts of money to those programs we support. Do we give money for our grandchildren's education - absolutely not. Students/children today are eligible for free money from the Federal governmnet, and I strongly believe that high school/college students should work during the school year and the over the summers. Enough of students who truly believe that they should have 'experiences' over the summer which end up costing a great deal of money for the paretns. (this is another post . . . .)

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:23 pm

Lalu wrote:

Wow!
I always wanted to know what it took to be a college professor- the idea of teaching on that level appeals to me. Can I ask what it took to get there? Is your Phd in education or in the field you teach?

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:31 pm

My husband BH makes more than the stated amount... And it appears I shall be the first one here whose husband does NOT have any kind of formal training or education, he started a business and works with his hands. He is a wonderfully nice, likeable person, and I will say that that is outwardly a factor in his success, but truly the only factor is siyata dishmaya, and that Hashem does not want parnassa to be a struggle for us at this time. I am a SAHM by choice because I can afford to be, and we thank Hashem every day for the relative ease with which we can pay bills. Wishing everyone on here a year of parnassa b'revach!

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:42 pm

I don't have a husband but since the "no fancy degree" crowd is lacking representation I'll add my dad to the mix Smile

I don't know the gory details but he's def makes wayy more than this per year and has no formal education past very basic (read yeshiva, read and write) highschool. He's not particularly academic and probably has un diagnosed add.
But he's motivated, feels strongly commuted to supporting his family plus many many others and therefore works extremely hard! He is also honest to the cent and says he owes his success to that-
God gives parnassa, and if college isn't right for u, he'll give it without a degree

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:43 pm

To follow up on the tuition posts I have a degree that many are saying can earn 200,000 plus. I earn about 1/3 of that. Why? Because I want to be home for my kids and not be out 9 hours a day. I did that pre kids and I refuse to do it now (there were times I had deadlines and didn't get home before 1:00 am an entire week). I work for home, less hours and am not looking to increase responsibilities or stress. I get overlooked during promotion time and I'm fine with that. Between dh and myself we can pay full tution. But I don't think a mother should be required to not raise her kids to pay full tution.

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:48 pm

Ok, I am absolutely flabbergasted at the number of women who post about total family income over 200k being "tight". I don't understand. We've been living off of 55k a year (that's before taxes, btw. After taxes it's 45k a year) and have several kids and B"H we are fine. We can't afford a dime for tuition so don't send our kids to private schools, which yes, is a downside. But other than that, we live fine. Have a nice house. Nice clothes. Even get to make "frivolous" purchases from time to time. AND we live in the NY/NJ area.
So why do people act like 250k is practically in the poorhouse?

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:52 pm

amother wrote:

Do you recieve any government aid like food stamps or any government sponsored programs. I pay about $20,000 a year just on health care. My kids dont get free lunch and I dont get free formula from wic. It all adds up.

And yes, tuition is a killer.

rain

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:54 pm

amother wrote:

Do you mind me asking how? Feel free not to answer if I'm being too nosy. But how can you possibly live off that in NY?
for me just rent/property tax/car/ and groceries would eat up all the money! Never mind clothing, internet, cell phones, insurance, gas etc.
Also, when you write you don't send them to private school-do you mean public school? Or another type. Not trying to be nosy, just curious!

amother

Sat, Oct 04 2014, 11:59 pm

amother wrote:

What's your secret?

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 12:02 am

amother wrote:

Nope, no government assistance, no wic, and no insurance, we pay out of pocket for anything that comes up, including births. My babies have to have formula and we pay for all that too. Plus other expenses that most people don't have to pay.

amother

Sun, Oct 05 2014, 12:27 am

amother wrote:

.

Same amother here.

Totally embarrassed, but I got the numbers wrong. It's $70k before taxes, and I'm not sure what after.

Still, it's a far cry from $250,000. And I don't begrudge people who make that much-what a blessing from Hashem that they are able to do so!-but just trying to understand.