I need a solution!

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 10:54 am

Sorry, it's long.

My 7 year old DD has been waking every night from 2-5 for the past two months. The problem is, she wakes up everyone else as well. It always starts out the same way. She comes to my room and knocks on my door and I go and tuck her back into bed, comfort her, talk to her etc and within five minutes the cycle starts all over again. After an hour I involve my husband and he goes to do the comforting, putting back to sleep. When he's had enough of getting out of bed a million times, she will just stand by my door screaming and crying that she wants to sleep in our room. I have taken her to the doctor about this and everything is fine on that front, but I need to sleep. This happens every single night. She is a zombie in the morning and a terror when she comes home from school. Every night there's another excuse. One night she's scared of the dark. I got her a night light, a doll to hold, a special pillow. Another night she is scared of the rain, the cars outside, fire, her bed is uncomfortable. The list is endless. I tried to help her, but nothing is working. I've done charts, reward system etc. I am at a loss.

My family is up all night because of her. I can't have her in my room, because if I do, the rest of the family will join. It's happened a few times that when one kid comes, all of them do. I am losing my sanity from lack of sleep. Last night, she got up at 2, and knocked on my door. I went to put her back to sleep and told her she had to go to sleep, or she could read, or play, just don't wake anyone up. She came out and started banging on my door screaming and crying that she wants to sleep in my room. After an hour of this, and my husband and I putting her back to sleep every five minutes, I decided to ignore her. She banged on my door and cried for three hours and eventually fell asleep on the floor!!!! The entire family was awake all night. can't deal anymore. I need suggestions on what to do. We are not functioning.

yamz

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 11:23 am

Wow. Hugs. It seems like an incredibly stressful and frustrating situation for the whole family. I am usually the last person to suggest something like this, but have you considered taking your daughter for professional help? It sounds like she has a lot of anxiety. A child psychologist seems like your best bet at this point. Hopefully s/he can help you get to the bottom of this and you can all get some sleep!

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 11:23 am

proudmother1 wrote:

The problem here is not your lack of sleep. That is a byproduct of the real problem.

The real issue is that your daughter has overwhelming fears that are disrupting her life and well-being.

You need to recognize that and deal with that. The rest will fall into place.

B'Hatzlacha!

As I wrote, I need a solution. I am aware that there is an issue. I don't think I made my lack of sleep the problem. I believe I wrote that my family including my daughter is not functioning, and I need a solution to that.

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 11:26 am

yamz wrote:

Thanks for the suggestion. I don't know how comfortable I am with that, yet. Other than this issue, she is an easy-going, happy (usually) girl. Things don't really bother her that much in general.

dr. pepper

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 12:13 pm

I'm so sorry. Lack of sleep is a killer. Messing it up for the whole family is impossible.

Taking her to the dr. is step one.
Have the teachers notices any specific changes? Is she doing okay academically? Socially?

I have a relative with almost an identical situation. Fine kid. One day decides to keep waking up at night...wreaking havoc on the whole family for almost a year!

She ended up taking her DD (same age!) to an OT and Speech Therapist. This kid is a DIFFERENT CHILD.
Turns out, there were some sensory and language processing issues and the difference in this child is amazing!

Please do not hesitate to try every possible avenue. From OT, speech or psychological. I don't know why you indicated hesitation for psychology for a possible anxiety issue.

And then, if it nothing comes out from any other intervention it could very well be a bad habit she got herself into from an original legitimate cause: pretend she's an infant, send you other kids away for a few days, resolve to mean it, and let this kid cry herself out for as many days as it takes for her to see you mean it.
If you do this route, I highly recommend John Rosemonds "The well behaved child." Easy to read and easy to implement. He has great ideas' for these kinds of challenges.

May Hashem grant you much clarity to make the right decisions as a parent.

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 12:19 pm

If she is having fears and anxieties and you don't want to jump to psychologist, you can start by reading books on how to help your child overcome her fears.

Worried No More is a good book for starters....perhaps other amothers will have suggestions for you.

I actually think that your lack of response to your DD was the best response. Do not allow her into your room, and do not put her back to bed. She will have to confront her feelings and deal with them. This time it took a long time, but the only way she will learn is to do the work herself (with some subtle help from you, of course.) Do not enable her.

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 1:05 pm

dr. pepper wrote:

Thanks for your post. I have spoken to her teachers and they said she is doing great. Nothing out of the ordinary. I don't feel comfortable running to a psychologist just yet because aside from this, she is a well-adjusted and very easy going girl. I can tell her to do anything and she'll do it. She's that kind of a kid. If she accidentally rips a project she's worked hours on making, she'll just shrug it off. Even her teachers commented to that effect, so I don't think she has anxiety. I could be way off, but I think taking her to a psychologist is a big step that I don't want to do just yet.

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 1:06 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I will look into that book. Thanks.

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 1:08 pm

suzyq wrote:

Is anything going on at school? Or with a friend? Anything you can pinpoint that happened around the same time this behavior started?

Nothing unusual. I do know that around the time it started she was learning about fire prevention safety and that did scare her a little bit. I explained why we say shema and showed her the smoke detector etc but ever since then, it ballooned into so much more.

Bruria

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 1:25 pm

Why don't you dedicate some time every day just for her? That way she will end up talking more about school, friends, teachers, everything.Also, why don't you draw with her some time? She might end up drawing something that is connected to her fears and you might figure it out. Because if she wasn't like this before, something is going on. I think you shouldn't push her away when she is scared, I understand it is tiring but she is having some insecurity issues and you don't know yet what is causing it.